Kusems L. Poppington

On my mind

2012-02-02T06:11:00.000-08:00

Things currently on my mind:

Ivar's fish and chips
Dick's cheeseburgers and fries
Costco kosher hot dogs
Taco Time deep-fried, skinny beef burrito
Palomino waffle chips with melted gorgonzola

Hm, perhaps I should grab some lunch.

The dreaded Essay Questions

2012-01-31T03:28:00.000-08:00

I'm filling out an application for an internship in Washington, D.C. this summer, and I feel like I'm applying for college all over again. There are four essay questions I have to answer. This feels like a uniquely American obsession, the Essay Question. To be fair, I had to write a statement to apply for my British master's program, but that was different. They wanted to know why I wanted to do the course and what I expected to gain from it.

These questions are all about the challenges I've overcome in my life.

What unique characteristics and challenges have you encountered which make you an ideal candidate for this program?

It gives the impression that Americans view life as a series of difficulties. Or perhaps more accurately, gives the impression that we're obsessed with how creative and thick-skinned we are and like to talk about it with total strangers. I can't really view my life as a series of challenges, because that wouldn't be fair to people who have overcome very real and profound set-backs to thrive in their careers, but that doesn't make me a worse candidate for the role! It's this distinctly American mentality that, if your life experience hasn't been riddled with misfortune, then it's somehow less valuable.

And then there's this one:

Please provide us with a specific example of a time when you have perceived an unfairness or injustice; what actions did you take and what outcomes did these actions produce?

Who talks like that?? What outcomes did these actions produce? Usually, the only outcome is that everyone thinks you're an asshole for rocking the boat. "Well, this one time, I'd been working for this company for a year and a half, and they wouldn't promote me, and then they promoted this really annoying, inexperienced girl ahead of me, so I acted like a total bitch to her and then left that job. The outcome from my actions was that I got a much better, more relevant, and higher paying job." Hm, maybe not the anecdote for this particular application.

I've clearly been out of America too long.

Bone and mash

2011-09-16T16:21:00.001-07:00

I wad proud of my dinner tonight. Ever since having guests here, I've been super lazy again about cooking. I think part of it is also money. If I feel like I can go out and buy whatever ingredients I need, then I'm more likely to be adventurous and make something good. But once again, I managed to spend most of the month's money in the first week of the month. I'm down to £120, which would be fine to last me two more weeks, if it weren't for the fact that I started a list of things to do before I turn 30 (a bit late, but why not?) and on that list is to start Spanish classes, and I got a flier through the post box for classes around the corner. The Spanish class started this week (so I've missed a week), but it costs £60 which I have to pay up front. So yeah, that doesn't leave me with much to last until the 28th.

So my cupboard is looking a bit sparse. I have some leftover potatoes, and some sausages in the freezer, so I made bangers and mash! It's not much to be proud of, cuz it was super easy, but it beats my staple diet of pesto fusilli.

I went to Bill's yesterday to grab some stuff I'd loaned him, and since we decided to be friends, I loaned him Arrested Development and he loaned me his complete volume of the comic Bone. I feel like I've found a lost remnant of my childhood. A few chapters of Bone were printed in Disney Adventure magazine when I was about 11, but then it disappeared just when I got hooked! When our subscription ran out, for ages afterward I would check the back of the magazine whenever we went to the grocery store, but Bone never reappeared. And then there it was, sitting on Bill's bookcase. I haven't put it down since yesterday, except for sleep and work. I even let them send me home three hours early today so I could go home and read it!

So behind

2011-09-12T09:46:00.000-07:00

Oh gosh, so much to catch up on, I can't even be bothered.

1. Beginning of July, PhD student sent me 217 articles to read and evaluate by the end of July.
2. Becky and John visited in August, right in the middle of the Edinburgh Festival, the biggest festival(s) of theatre, comedy, film, music, and books in the world. (217 articles still not finished) We had such an amazing time and it was beyond wonderful seeing them. And I finally made it to Hadrian's wall! (so that's my August Visiting the UK box ticked. Still need June and July, though.)
2. A week after Becky and John left, Izzi and Tim came to stay. I was a happy, happy clam. We ate lots of delicious food. I also saw fireworks to mark the end of the International Festival. Watching a fireworks show that is being launched from a castle on the side of a cliff is pretty darn amazing. They had a waterfall! Of fireworks! (217 articles still not finished)
3. At work, I was asked to be shoe specialist instead of till specialist. I've been till specialist for a year and a half, so was kind of miffed and terrified when they told me they were changing my role, but I absolutely love it! I got to organise the whole shoe stockroom! And I get to use a typewriter to write labels for the display shoes! And create a product information binder! And so much more! It totally inspires my inner librarian.
4. First week into September, I finally finished the 217 articles. Phew! Suddenly, I have loads of free time and no clue what to do with it.
5. A week after Izzi and Tim came, Carina arrived in town. She had a conference in St. Andrews (where Wills and Kate went to university) but stayed at mine because she loves me (and I her). We had dinner with Cheryl on Friday night, so it was a proper reunion. It's going to be hard not having any visitors again until December. However will I entertain myself?
6. Yesterday, I broke up with a man who makes me laugh, who likes all the same things I like, who I feel super comfortable with, and who is just generally wonderful...but for whom I just don't feel a spark. I guess I'm holding out for amazing.

So that's my life in a nutshell, at the moment. And now I have TB-related job to apply for.

More settling in

2011-08-10T02:59:00.001-07:00

After weeks of inconvenient scheduling, I finally managed to meet up with Laura, who did the masters course with me. We went to a Japanese restaurant near the university for dinner. It was nice, and the food was yummy. It took a while to get the bill, but then they brought us each one of these so I had to forgive (I'm such a sucker.)

Afterwards, we went to Doctors for a pint, and Cheryl (another girl from our course) and her husband, Soul, met up with us. It was so nice to catch up! I hadn't seen Laura since graduation.

I cooked a few more good meals for myself, though I've been much worse lately. Back to my usual habits of junk food or eating out. Here are mini pizzas, and a store-bought chicken kiev with healthy veggies. (Okay, so all my meals are essentially the same, but they include lots of veggies and colors and stuff!)

I made another trek out to IKEA (was significantly less enthusiastic the second time around) and got myself a coffee table for £3 and change. Three pounds! Can you believe that?? Totally worth the £3.20 bus ride there and back. So my flat is coming together...or at least is functional now.

Coffee

2011-08-05T07:13:00.001-07:00

I've always hated coffee. I hate the smell and the taste. The bitterness. A couple times, while struggling with excessive daytime sleepiness, I've tried mochas in an attempt to wake up. I find mocha more palatable than regular coffee, especially after I've added quite a bit of sugar ;-) But it never seemed to wake me up, so I gave up on coffee.

While I was living with Corrado and Kasia, they offered me espresso a few times, and eventually, I decided to try it (granted, with lots of sugar added). I didn't really notice a strong effect, but it was a nice ritual to share with friends, like a cup of tea or a pint.

One day soon after, a girl at work invited me to grab coffee at Wellington's (purportedly some of the best coffee in Edinburgh). I've felt on top of the world for about 45min afterwards, and then felt queasy and jittery for the next 45min. Hm, slightly terrifying, but completely predictable, I suppose.

Then a couple weeks ago, I was super cranky at work. The first four hours of the day draaaaaaagged, and I could hardly believe that I was only halfway done. Corrado suggested coffee, so I grabbed a mocha from Wellington during lunch. I also treated myself to fries :-) For the remainder of the working day, I was cheerful and friendly and helpful. I was a new woman. A woman who enjoys, and possibly even needs coffee. It's only a matter of time before I'm fully addicted, spending 10% of my meager income on coffee.

So now, here I sit, in an internet cafe, working on my project with a coffee in front of me because I was feeling sleepy and losing concentration at home. Seriously, the last thing I need in my life is another useless substance to waste my money on. Sigh. It's all downhill from here. I'd feel worse about it, if the coffee didn't make me feel so goooood...

Reasons I love it here

2011-07-31T11:59:00.001-07:00

7. People here are as pasty as I am!

8. Karen is a really common name (giving the impression that I belong here.)

Settling in

2011-07-31T11:25:00.001-07:00

I was pretty proud of myself when I moved into the new flat. First, I discovered an awesome cafe with WiFi just around the corner. It's called Moo Cafe. The food is really well done and affordable, and the service is very friendly. If I ever work up the nerve, I might join their weekly French speaking sessions.

I get really annoyed with strappy tops that fall off their hangers, but when I was unpacking all my clothes, inspiration struck. I stuck push pins into the wood of my IKEA hangers, and voila!

I explored my neighborhood a bit more, and discovered that I live in a really, really nice part of town. There's a library and loads of cute shops nearby. Here's a picture of a deserted hotel by the river.

I made my first trek to IKEA. It's a 30 min bus ride out of town, and its not long before you hit the Scottish countryside. I had to limit what I bought based on what I could physically carry, but got loads of basics.

My first week, I was really good about cooking. I started off with a broccoli and cheese casserole (I modified a recipe from Campbell's). Then I made oriental turkey burgers for Bill. Yummers! Here's a picture of leftovers.

(Sorry, the photos are all out of order. Not entirely sure how to work this Blogger app.)

2011-07-26T05:51:00.001-07:00

I has a smartphone! Woo! It's hard to type on this thing. Have to dash back to work but will update more later, I promise!

New Home

2011-07-07T05:37:00.000-07:00

I have a home! Yay! There were a few teething problems when I moved in, and I wasn't 100% sure that I'd made the right choice. But after a week and a half, I know that I did make the right choice. I have a studio flat all to myself! I don't have to share with anyone! And the kitchen is a decent size and in a separate room.

Problems when I moved in:

1. The whole place smells of cigarette smoke and I am allergic to it. I've improved that a bit already by removing the huge, dark red, smoke-infused curtains that made the place look like a theater (or brothel) when closed. I bought some sale curtains from work, but then found even cheaper, thicker, more appropriately-sized ones at Ikea. Already the place looks and feels lighter and airier.

2. One of the windows wouldn't shut or lock properly (deja vu from my Seattle studio!) I called the letting agent immediately and she sent someone round to fix that. He did a pretty shoddy job, but at least my windows lock shut now and no one can just pull them open from the outside. Result!

3. The guy who moved out didn't hook the washing machine back up, and whenever I used the kitchen sink, I leaked water into the cupboard underneath it. It took me a few days to realize this was happening. Anyway, the letting agent made the guy come and hook it up properly, so all is good so far (knock on wood that it stays good!)

4. I'm on the ground level, right off the street, so if my blinds are open, anyone and everyone can see my whole life right there, so I think I'm gonna make some screens for the windows, once I figure out a good way to do that. Ikea sells some bamboo and wax paper window coverings, so I might try cutting those to size.

That's pretty much it. I've already spent most of my paycheck for July on furnishings and kitchenwares and bits and bobs, but I'm very pleased with the place. I got a futon base and a big, blue bookshelf for £13 (plus £2 delivery!) Now I just need a futon mattress and my guests will have a comfy bed to sleep on. Yays!

Note the flowers, from a man!!

Budget

2011-06-26T15:30:00.000-07:00

I was reading "R's" blog earlier and one of her posts actually made me miss Africa. I'm not sure how. I didn't think it was possible. I did not love the Africa, as Carina once put it. But her post made me remember my dream, which I've forgotten with time. Well, not really. I just have two competing dreams: one to live in the UK and have a really enjoyable time here and maybe never leave, and another to go to India and save some sick people...without doing any doctoring or nursing, cuz I'm not qualified for that...not sure exactly how that will work.

Anyway, I have these two opposing forces inside me, one to save money for when my visa expires and have to go out into the even wider world and seek my fortune, and another to live it up while I'm here. And I was thinking about it just now, about setting myself a budget for the next 9 months in order to save £1000 (which seems like so little but will be such a struggle to save). And I got to thinking about how much money I've been living on for the past year. I have been paying well over 50% of every paycheck to rent. I could certainly cut back and save more money than I do currently; I could stop eating out full stop, I could stop buying prepared lunches when I'm too lazy to make mine ahead, I could stop buying discounted clothing from work and exclusively buy charity shop clothing. But I think I have to give myself credit for just how little I've been living on for quite a while. Give myself credit, and then buck myself up for further cuts, because I could definitely do better.

Wish me luck. It's going to involve lots of things I'm terrible at, namely, planning ahead and cooking. Blech. And possibly giving up my addiction to the internet, because internet is flippin' expensive!!! In this country, you have to have a landline in order to get internet, so you have to pay a monthly fee for the landline (even if you NEVER CALL ANYONE) and another monthly fee for the internet. Not to mention the set-up fees for both. And most companies charge you an exorbitant fee for the wireless router. When I heard that Amy and Diana didn't have internet, I thought they were crazy! Now I realize, they're just grown-ups who have to pay bills. Since I've lived with other people (or in residence halls) up to now, I haven't had to deal with any of that. Bills were just included in the rent, and that was that, happy go-lucky. Now I'm forced to consider every minute expenditure. It might break me!

I spend a huge amount of each day online. I'm not sure I can live without internet. But I might try to see how long I can last. Uugggggghhhhh...It's for the children; for the sick, little children...

Crafty stuff

2011-06-21T15:09:00.001-07:00

I had the day off today and the weather was mees-air-aw-bluh! so I spent all evening on the web, mostly video chatting with Becky, but also checking out crafty blogs. Now I feel inspired to do some crafting, but as I'm living out of suitcases and all my crafty stuff is in boxes at Corrado's, I'm going to write notes to myself of things I want to make.

1. At work, they are doing a company-wide contest for an employee to create a new apron. I don't know how to sew and know nothing about fashion design or textiles, but I thought I could brainstorm ideas anyway!

2. There was a tutorial here for making a mini magazine. I thought the idea was cute, but didn't really have anything to make.

But then I was looking for yarn shops in Edinburgh, and remembered that I wish I had a special map of the city where I could mark places to check out/go back to (shopping in this city is AMAZING!!) So maybe I'll make my own little map book using this technique...if I can find a color printer somewhere.

3. I saw a baby onesie in a magazine that had applique ballet slippers on the chest and an attached tutu, but I totally didn't see ballet slippers; I saw lungs and thought, "Awesome! But what's with the tutu?" Then I realized they were ballet slippers and felt completely let down. So now I need to learn how to applique so that I can make a lungs t-shirt. Because that would be awesome on so many levels.

Don't they look like lungs??

4. Um...I forgot what was gonna go here. It'll come back to me later. Oh yeah, I remember!! I was telling Becky about this earlier. On the corner of Corrado's street, there is an off-license (a kind of crappy convenience store that is ubiquitous throughout the UK). I noticed that they had a couple old, metal shopping baskets shoved in the window and forgotten. One of them is rusty and unappealing, but the other has kind of a yellowish enamel and looks like a flea market treasure (something we would sell in our shop for £35 or more). I really want it but I'm too chicken to go in and ask about it. Becky said I should go, though, and have no fear, so I think I'll pluck up the courage. It would be great in my new flat, maybe for storing my yarn stash.

5. On the same topic of flat decor, I was in a shop a couple weeks ago called Nomad's Tent. They sold some cool stuff from all the world, mainly Persian rugs, but they had this BEAUTIFUL metal trunk from India that I fell head over heels for. It was painted bright blue with big pink roses painted on the lid. I waaaaaaaaant it! I wish I could find a picture of something similar. Maybe I'll just have to go back and ask the man if he minds if I take a photo. Anyway, it's £65, which is a staggering amount of money...buuuut...I mean, it's way cheaper than we'd sell it for in our shop. I think it's too low to double as a coffee table, sadly, so I can't justify it as a furniture expense. And I couldn't really use it as luggage, even though that was it's original use back in the day. I don't know...I'll think about it for longer.

6. Not a craft, but whatever: this is what I'm going to buy in July (as if I'll make it through the month having only bought one article of clothing; it's good to have goals).

I think it's perfect for the Scottish summer and will go well with my dresses. Also, I love these, but they are still a bit pricey for my budget.

Arrival

2011-06-21T06:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, this is only three and a half weeks late...

I left London by train at 7am on a Friday. The plan was to stay in a youth hostel, but they were all booked up so I found a self-catering flat that was cheaper than staying in a bed and breakfast. It was such a gorgeous flat! It was on the top floor of a nice building in Leith, the coastal neighborhood northeast of the city center. I immediately pulled out my camera and took a picture of the view:

That's the Firth of Forth (the sea) out there.

Carina's friend, Tom, texted me the day before saying that his friend might have a flat I could live in, so even though I felt shy, I texted her to meet up. I'm so glad I did because she is super nice and wonderful. Sadly, her flatmates didn't want her to sublet her room, so I couldn't move in there, but we had drinks anyway. Then we went to meet a bunch of her friends in a pub, and I got chatted up by a boy. Bear in mind, I'd only been in the city for 12 hours.

In the bathroom at the pub, instead of the usual trashy graffiti, I found this and it only further validated my feeling that I'd made the right move in my life.

After three days, I had to leave the self-catering flat. I moved in with Corrado and his partner (who knits!) and their friggin' adorable two-year-old daughter, who calls me "Ciocia" (Polish for "aunty"). It was so nice of them to let me stay, they are my saviors! But I was having trouble finding a flat, and after two weeks with no luck, I needed to move on before I became a guest of indefinite duration. You know what they say about house guests and fish: both start to stink after three days.

So I talked to Sian again (Tom's friend) and she said her flatmates wouldn't mind me staying in her old room for a week, so that's where I am now. It's an enormous flat, and this room is the biggest. It's absolutely massive and has two big windows with window seats. And I managed to find a studio flat that is decently nice, not extortionately expensive, and really close to work (in the nice part of town)! Yaaaaaaaaayyy! Unfortunately, I can't move in until next Monday, which means another week of living out of suitcases. Oh well, it could be worse! I could be in a youth hostel. :-S Grim.

Now I can't wait to move, and use all my pretty new dishes, and decorate my new place, and start knitting again, and have lots and lots of lovely people come visit me!

Reasons

2011-06-13T16:01:00.001-07:00

I wrote this on a day several weeks ago when I came up to Edinburgh just for a day to scope out flats.

Reasons I'm moving to Edinburgh:

The bus seats are upholstered in a tartan pattern.
People speak in Scottish accents.
People are friendlier and happier than in London.
It takes 15 min by bus to get to the beach. (And that's proper beach, with sand and all.)

What I like about this place

2011-06-12T14:28:00.001-07:00

This place is eff'd up. It's 10 o'clock at night, and the sky is still completely light. It is only just now slowly getting dark. In the dead of winter in Seattle, at 4:30 in the afternoon, it is as dark as it is right now. That's eff'd up. The other night, I was walking home at 1:30am, and it was twilight. There was still light on the horizon. I am far enough north that it doesn't get completely dark for any period of time during the summer. How crazy is that? The crappiness, or rather, unpredictably of the weather here, which puts Seattle's unpredictability to shame, coupled with the lightness in the sky, has completely thrown my body into confusion. At any given time, I have no idea what time of day or even what time of year it is. I keep thinking, "Oh, that will be fun to do in the summer," and then I realize that it IS summer, and I'm wearing a jacket and wool scarf.

I love it. I mean, I hate cold, but for someone who is constantly seeking out change and novelty while still wanting to be rooted in familiarity, I feel like I've hit the jackpot. Edinburgh reminds me of Seattle. It's beautiful here. Travel 20 min north or east and you hit a major body of saltwater (the Frith of Forth). From any point in the city, you can see Holyrood Park with its impressive Salisbury Crags and Arthur's Seat. To the south and west, beautiful grassy hills dotted with quaint villages. And then there's the city center. The ugly shopping district looks across a small green valley (through which the trains run) to stunning craggy cliffs topped by Edinburgh Castle. It's breathtaking. And that's smack dab in the busiest part of the city.

Edinburgh Castle

And people here are friendlier, happier than in London. They're helpful. Even before I left London, when I met my new managers while they were training there, they offered me their phone numbers after having just met me, in case I needed any advice or help finding a flat. When I got up here and couldn't find a flat, everyone at work put me in contact with friends looking for flatmates. One coworker I hadn't met walked up to me, introduced herself, then offered me her spare bedroom.

Okay, I need to stop waxing poetic. Eventually, the honeymoon period will end, I'm sure. But for now, I'm happy here. And that makes me happy. haha!

Leaving London

2011-05-30T06:14:00.000-07:00

Izzi just phoned me and it was so wonderful to hear her voice (and Timmy's in the background). It reminded me that I am way, way overdue for a blog update! I shall now attempt to summarize the past two weeks of parties, goodbyes, tears, and new friends. Actually, I think I'll break it into two parts: Leaving, and Arriving.

So. Two Thursdays ago, I packed up most of my worldly possessions (the ones in the UK, anyway), loaded them into a minicab, and took them to south London to my coworker, Corrado's, flat. Corrado and his girlfriend and 2-year-old daughter are/were also moving up to Edinburgh, and offered to let me share their delivery van. So my stuff moved up to Scotland a week ahead of me. I had my "leaving London" goodbye drinks the next day. Lots of wonderful people came, and I had a really nice time. Alex N. gave me a beer pong kit, Maggie bought me two shots (not sure how grateful I am for that), and Izzi tried to throw me in a planter. I did deserve it, though, as I had threatened to replace her and Tim with Corrado and his girlfriend. After everyone headed home, Tisobel and I stayed at the bar for a bottle of prosecco. I can't remember if anything even set me off, but I started crying right there at the bar, surrounded by strangers. But then I pulled myself together and we danced like loons, then "walked," or rather, lurched and meandered back to their flat. Work the next morning was slightly painful, but alas, it was worth it.

Anna and Mel at going-away drinks

I had the day off on Monday, so managed to have lunch with Maggie, tea with Holly, tea with Anna, and then rush off to dinner with Tisobel. Izzi wasn't feeling well but she made me dinner anyway because she loves me that much. Maggie works for a Member of Parliament, so lunch was in the cafeteria at the Houses of Parliament. AWESOME! That means that I got to take a long last look at Big Ben before leaving London. Then, as I was leaving Tisobel's after dinner, I heard a clock chiming. I asked where it was coming from, and they said it was Big Ben! In all the times I've been to their flat, I've never heard Big Ben chiming. He was putting on a special show for my last week, clearly.

On Tuesday, I hung out with James. We went to a weird but cool vegan buffet restaurant in Soho. He gave me a booklet of poems about London just in case I miss the city. Wednesday was my last day at work, so I had after-work drinks with a few girls. Alex N. came along as well, and Carina's friend, Tom. Tom gave me contact details for a friend of his in Edinburgh so that I could contact her if I got lonely.

Thursday was my last day in London. I went to work to say a goodbye to Anna (and also see if there was anything good in the sale), then had to rush back home to check out of my room and get my deposit back. This took longer than I thought, as I had to peel a large sticker off my wall which didn't end up coming off, so I had to go tell my landlady that I'd ruined the paint job. She was very stern, and then took £5 off my deposit for it. She also waived some of the rent that I still owed her. What a sweetheart! Then I rushed off for dinner with my bessies (minus Tisobel cuz Timmy was sick, and minus Tanya and Alex, who are out of the country): Carina, Holly, and Aparna.

Carina likes affection even less than I do

After dinner, I wanted to drop by Tisobel's for one last "see you later," but Tim was heading to bed. I decided to be completely selfish and go anyway. I parted with the girls, lastly Holly, which was a bit hard. When we walked away from each other, she had the most melancholy look on her face, it broke my heart. It still makes me tear up to think about it. She looked like a puppy I had just told to go away and leave me alone.

Ugh, this is really hard. Okay, pull yourself together.

I got on the bus to go to Tim and Izzi's. On the way there, I realized that maybe Izzi was going to bed as well, and maybe their light would be out when I got there. I imagined myself just leaving their gift on the doorstep and slinking away into the night, broken-hearted. Then I started to cry on the bus. As I walked toward their flat, swallowing tears, a man further up the sidewalk was singing opera. It was so beautiful and poignant, London showing me the best she could offer. And then I was approaching the flat, and the light was still on, and Izzi answered the door and I was so happy, I forgot I'd been on the verge of tears moments before. We had a lovely cup of tea while sick Timmy slept, and then I said good night and left.

Sad Izzi

I was fine as we parted, but as I walked away, I started crying again. I choked back tears all the way back to Leytonstone, but then the fresh air must have cured me because I felt better as I walked home. Aparna was up waiting for me. She's such a treasure. I feel like a cheesy weirdo for using that word, but I can't think of another to describe her. She has been so good to me these past few months, offering me a home, making me dinners, giving me advice, throwing me a surprise birthday dinner. She even woke up at 5am to see me off. She's the best flatmate I could ever hope for and I love her dearly.

Best flatmate ever (plus Carina giving bunny ears)

If I didn't feel so good about being in Edinburgh, if I didn't feel like it was the right thing for me right now, I never would have survived leaving these wonderful people. I also know I will be back soon for visits! I plan to see Carina in Switzerland for her birthday, Holly's family has a cricket match on the farm in July, and I've promised everyone that I'll bring Becky and John down to London when they visit me this summer. Yay!

News

2011-05-03T00:15:00.000-07:00

I met the woman who will be my new store manager the other day. She is super nice and has high standards and lots of pet peeves, so I'm really excited about working with her. I still don't have a leaving date, or a flat, but time is running out so I really need to nail down some details.

Yesterday, I met up with Holly and tried out the "Boris Bikes" for the first time. Boris Johnson is the crazy, wild-haired Mayor of London. He's a cycling enthusiast and brought a rent-a-bike scheme to London last summer. It's pretty cool. You pay £1 for 24 hours of access (or you can buy an annual membership for, I think, £50), then every half hour is free. If you just dock your bike every 30 min and take out a new one, you never pay more than the £1 day-fee. The bikes are a bit heavy and only have 3 speeds, but they're a pretty good ride. In the evening, Izzi and Tim fed me roast chicken and baked potato. Yum!

Yesterday's big news was the capture and killing of Osama bin Laden by US Navy Seals. I feel like so much surrounding this news is unknown. They've apparently confirmed it was him by DNA testing, but where did the US get a past sample of bin Laden's DNA? And of course it remains to be seen how people will react to the news, though it doesn't sound like there's been a huge backlash just yet, so that's good. I'm glad Pakistan has so far reacted well to the news.

I had to work on the day of the Royal Wedding, but we all huddled around the laptop behind the tills and gave each other updates throughout the day. During my lunch break, I headed down the road to a place where there was a giant TV screen broadcasting live footage. I was just in time for the balcony kiss, which I have to say, was pretty anticlimactic. But then there was the Royal Air Force flyover, and the planes flew over us in the square about 10 seconds after flying over the palace, so that was pretty exciting. Everyone cheered. I think if I ever get married, I'll have to have a flyover, because it feels like nothing is really official until some fighter jets have flown over your head.

Visiting the UK Feb: The Cotswolds

2011-04-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

I just realized I never blogged about my February UK visit. I was sure that I had, but can't find any evidence of it. Anyhoo, it was my friend, Maggie's, birthday at the beginning of February (same day as Izzi, actually). She's from the Seattle area and used to work with me at the Big A. Her boyfriend, Hugo, is English and his family is rich. They own a ridiculously amazing house out in a village in the Cotswolds. Part of the house was built in the 1500s, and the rest was added on in the 1600s, then remodeled in the 2000s. The neighbors hates Hugo's family because they added under-floor heating in their kitchen, which somehow cut through the village's main power line, so the lights in Hugo's house and the neighboring houses flicker on and off constantly whenever the floor is being heated, i.e. whenever anyone is in Hugo's house. Maggie wrote her master's dissertation from the house, on the topic of gentrification in modern society, and used the village as a case study. I wonder if she included a statement on the necessity of under-floor heating and its effect on neighborly relations.

Anyway, it was crazy fun. We went for walks and ate amazing meals cooked by Maggie and fresh bread from the bread maker and Maggie tried to ride Wayne the Pony by throwing herself onto his back. There was even a sword fight! Then Hugo read his granddad's diary, in which each entry ended "I.L.J." for "I love Jill." (Hugo's grandmother's name was NOT Jill.)

Photos here.

Visiting the UK March: Paris

2011-03-31T14:49:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's not exactly the UK, but it was a trip that I haven't made since moving to the UK, so it counts, right? And I took the Eurostar, which I've never done before!

The weekend started with a perfect, sunny Saturday in London. For a couple months, Alex had been trying to get me to go to Broadway Market with her some Saturday morning, but I'd been working or she'd been busy and it hadn't worked out. But since my train to Paris wasn't until the afternoon, we jumped on the opportunity to check out the market, which is walking distance from her flat. The weather was amazing and we had a really, really nice time. I spent all my cash on silly, little artsy things, like stickers made from artsy polaroid photographs. Alex bought quality foodstuffs. We walked all the way down to the end of the market before I realized that I'd been there before, possibly twice. Ha! What a goof.

From Bethnal Green tube station, I headed to St. Pancras to catch the Eurostar. It was very exciting! I just barely made it! They started boarding as soon as I got there. The journey was uneventful. I did not follow through on my promise to Tim to have a cocktail on the train. Instead, I read comics and slept, despite the fact that it was only a 2 hour ride.

When I got to Paris, I was surprised at how disoriented I felt trying to navigate the Metro. I mean, I have traveled back and forth across the world, alone; I lived in France for a year; I know the London Underground like the back of my hand; I've been to Africa, for goodness sake! How could the Paris subway system throw me for such a loop? I tell you how: Because, of all the countries in the world, France cares the least about whether you reach the destination you were aiming for.

Anyway, I reached my destination without trouble. Jillian rented this gorgeous apartment in the very fashionable and trendy Marais neighborhood. For an hour, I just kept saying, "Wow, this is AMAZING!" We snacked on some baguette, cheese, and salami, then got dressed up for a Saturday night on the town. After wandering for a little while and asking random strangers where to go out, we finally found a bar a short distance from our flat. It was called "Bar Circus," cuz it was next to the ornate Cirque D'Hiver (Winter Circus) building. They played fun Latin music and we befriended the bartender, Alex, and asked him where we should go out from there. As Jillian is more ballsy than me, but doesn't speak French, she would grab a passing stranger and say, "Excusez-moi..." That was my cue to jump in with the mad French skillz, which were much rustier than I had hoped. After we'd been there about an hour, a group of young people got up to leave and Jillian grabbed one of the girls. "Excusez-moi," she started. I stuttered out a query about where they were headed, but the girl's answer completely befuddled me. "Pardon?" I asked. "Just come with us," she replied.

So we followed a group of strangers to the subway and on to a nightclub that played the kind of oldies you wish would just die already. Our new friends had all gone to university together in Toulouse, and were super friendly and welcoming. I very quickly got plastered, though of course I didn't realize it at the time, and we danced and chatted the night away, although somehow I don't think I did much talking. Or listening. I'm not really sure how I passed the time.

We slept late the next day, although I was up every hour or so battling a severe hangover. Since it was Sunday and everything was closed, we decided to go shopping. In France, stores aren't open on Sundays, except in Le Marais, which I suspect might have been one of the reasons Jillian decided to stay in that neighborhood! In one of the first shops, I spent 125€ on a silk top with lace trim that has SKULLS in the lace! Isn't that amazing?!? Yes, it is. Dinner was absolutely delicious buckwheat crepes in a very popular little creperie from Brittany.

On Day 2, we decided to go shopping. This time, we headed into the city, to the Galleries Lafayette where we perused the handbags and jewelry. Then we visited Coco Chanel's flagship store, where I became hyper aware of my holey and very dirty Converse sneakers. We checked out Herve Leger bandage dresses, then hit up Zara where I bought some ballet flats and a couple blouses. Jillian bought an awesome leather skirt and three pairs of shoes! Then we wandered towards the Champs Elysees, where we actually didn't do much shopping at all, but had some sisterly bonding and grabbed a quick drink before meeting up with Thomas, one of the people we had met on Saturday night.

Because he is foolish, Thomas picked as our meeting point a leather purse store near the Arc de Triomphe. Since he wasn't there when we arrived, of course we had to go in and have a look around. The "look" lasted quite a while and Jillian went home with another bag (she'd already bought 3 at the Galleries). But Thomas, who is very sweet, was very understanding. He walked us through a beautiful big park, then across town to Montmartre, where we ate a yummy, fancy dinner in a cute, tiny little restaurant that used to be an inn. After dinner, we walked up to the Sacre Coeur and got there just in time to watch the Eiffel Tower's hourly twinkle-fest.

On Day 3, since I was leaving in the afternoon, we decided to go shopping. We re-scoured Le Marais, convinced that we hadn't yet seen all the shops it had to offer. I bought a magnificent pair of deep red high heels that are slightly too high for me to be able to walk in. Oh well, just need to practice! Then I headed to the train station, and again felt like a fish out of water trying to ride the subway. At the train station, I had the awful run-in with UK border patrol which ruined my entire day and made me pout and cry on the entire journey home. But that doesn't matter, because I had an absolutely wonderful four days of shopping in Paris with my Bonus Sister. Yay!

Photos here.

Saying goodbye

2011-03-29T15:38:00.001-07:00

I met Alex for breakfast today and told her I was going to Edinburgh. Her eyes got really big and...she looked almost worried. She asked when and I said late May. She leaves for Africa later this week and doesn't come back until mid June, so yeah...This is hard. But she can come up and visit me, or I'll come down and visit her. Her boyfriend is from Newcastle and that's just a hop, skip, and a jump from Edinburgh.

Holly is still in India (or Sri Lanka or Nepal?) and I haven't told her yet. She's the one I worry the most about. She's not going to handle this news very well. She's been saying since our course ended that she doesn't know what she'll do when we all return to our respective motherlands. Sigh.

Paris post soon. Soonish.

Birthday Fun Timez

2011-03-26T23:39:00.000-07:00

Sunday, 7:20am--returned home in the same clothes I left the house in on Friday, 8:40am. One would have to conclude that I've had a pretty damn good birthday, which is surprising, because at 8:30 on Friday morning, I was holding back tears, convinced that I was going to have a terrible 29th birthday, sitting at home by myself watching tv. All of my most beloved loved ones were far away (family on other side of world, Holly in Nepal, Tanya in Sri Lanka, Izzi and Tim in Surrey, Anna in America, Alex in Alex-land, James in Cambridge, etc.) or otherwise occupied (Carina had a wedding). But surely I could count on Aparna to celebrate my birthday with me, no? I approached her with a rucksack in her hand. Spending the weekend with boyfriend in Cornwall. Hm.

So while at work on Friday, I emailed Maggie in a panic (she with the boyfriend whose family has a ridiculously amazing house in the Cotswolds) begging her to hang out with me on my birthday. She was all too happy to oblige. Then I found out that Anna wasn't in America yet, so she could hang out too!

After work on Friday, I headed over to Tim and Izzi's, where they had made lamb and roast potatoes and baked me a delicious cake with cream cheese icing! Yum! And they got me a very pretty green bracelet. Izzi's friend, Katie, was there as well and she is such a sweetheart. We discovered that she shares a room (bunkbead, even) with a guy I used to work with at the pub in Hammersmith. Small world! Tim and Izzi promised me a birthday breakfast if I spent the night, with pancakes and birthday bacon! (It's just like regular bacon, but fried with love.) Obviously, that was an offer I couldn't refuse. I headed to work for noon wearing some of Izzi's clothes.

At work, my French coworker sang happy birthday to me in French over the walky-talky, Anna got me a cupcake, and Alison made me a homemade card! Then Anna and I headed to a pub near work to meet up with Maggie and Hugo. Maggie's friend, Mitch, was there, too, and we had a fun time drinking and eating. Then my phone rang, and it was boy-Alex, my old (favorite!) manager from work, calling to wish me a happy birthday. He and Maggie and Hugo are really good friends, so when I told him I was hanging out with them, he invited us all over to his flat. We had so much fun just hanging out and playing card games (not strip poker, don't get any ideas!) We stayed until 5am. It was absolutely wonderful. Also, Mitch and Anna really hit it off which makes me happy (if slightly jealous) cuz Anna hasn't met any decent men in a while and Mitch is really sweet.

So it was a really, really good birthday and I need to learn my lesson not to feel sorry for myself preemptively. It was bittersweet, though, because Izzi and Tim and I got talking about my 30th birthday (shudder) and the fact that my visa expires just before it. And they were saying that they'll start saving their money now so they can come celebrate my 30th with me in America, and the thought of that kind of upset me. I don't want to go back yet! I've been mentally preparing myself for months now, but the idea of not being in the same country as Tisobel is hard to accept.

Which brings me to other news: Work said I could move to Edinburgh with the company. It would be late May, just two months away. I'll miss all my friends, but in a sort of "oh, haven't seen them in a while, oh well" sort of way. But I'll miss Izzi and Tim the way I'd miss a finger. You don't absolutely need it, but life is so much better and easier with it. Other than that, though, I'm super excited! Finally following my dream of marrying a hot Scot!

At Passport Control

2011-03-22T15:41:00.000-07:00

I generally think it's a bad idea to lie to UK border agents, so that is why the following conversation went the way it did. Now I know better.

Going through passport control to reenter the UK from France:

Agent: "What nationality are you?"

American.

"But you live in the UK?"

Yes.

"What type of visa are you on?"

Post-study work.

"What did you study?"

The control of infectious diseases.

"But you work in retail?"

(Embarrassed smile) Yeah.

(Not smiling) "That's not really relevant, is it?"

Uh, no.

"How long have you been working in retail?"

(I start to suspect I should lie, but decide to go with the truth) A year.

"That visa is meant to be so you can work in your field. Why aren't you working in your field?"

I've been trying to get jobs.

"When was your last interview?"

About...five months ago?

"You're not trying very hard, are you? You know, this is exactly why we're getting rid of the post-study work visa, because of people like you who don't use it for what you're supposed to."

She stamped my passport and handed it back, and I just took it with a forced smile and walked away, fuming. I couldn't even focus on finding my waiting area or listening to boarding announcements, I was so upset. I spent the entire train ride home going over all my many inadequacies. I know I'm not supposed to internalize shit like this. I know when people are horrible to you, you're just supposed to shrug it off and feel sorry for them. I'm not supposed to let this ruin my memory of my three wonderful days in Paris.

But she was right. I'm not trying very hard. I've lost sight of the point, of my dream. I've become complacent and I'm wasting time and resources. Although part of that is precisely because of the mind-numbing and soul-destroying process of applying for jobs, but I need to be more determined. No one else is going to follow my dream for me.

Didn't think I'd need it again!

2011-03-18T15:31:00.000-07:00

MERDE!! Just pulled out my trusty old mapbook of Paris and turned to the page that is supposed to have the area Bonus Sis and I are staying in.

It took me a second to remember...they were drawer pulls, I think. I was extremely proud of myself for creating such cool drawer pulls. Inspired by the store I now work in. I even wrote a blog post about how I was gonna cut circles out of maps and hodge-podge them to my drawer pulls.

So yeah. I ripped the Eiffel Tower and Notre Dame, along with Le Marais neighborhood, out of my "trusty" mapbook in order to do craft projects. Note to self: when you arrive in Paris tomorrow evening, prior to trying to find the flat you're staying in, BUY A NEW MAP.

Living situation

2011-03-18T14:27:00.000-07:00

Why do washing machines in this country take so freakin' long?! I put a load in nearly two hours ago! Arrrrgggghh!

Anyway, yes, I'm off to Paris tomorrow and have no clean clothes. Nice one, Kusems. No complaints, though. Today was a perty good day. Work was easy and I got to spend loads of time shootin' the shit with our stockroom manager, whom I adore (read: have a crush on but will keep a respectful distance from as he has a family). And our flat situation dissolved with minimal impact to my finances, which is great!

Basically, I was reluctant to move in with this girl because she's neurotic and patronizing (despite being a full 8 years younger than me) but didn't realize this until I had already agreed to move in with her so didn't feel like I could back out. We put down a £1000 holding deposit on a flat three weeks ago, and it's taken this long for the letting agents (they're like used-car salesmen, but for your future rental home!) to check all our references and stuff. After this girl gave them the money, they sent her a document saying that we would lose the money if we backed out for any reason or if they deemed our references unsuitable. She signed it without noticing that. On Wednesday, they said that our references "failed" because this girl's boyfriend is on a temporary work contract. They said the only options were to provide a guarantor for the whole cost of the flat (not just for his share) or to pay 6 months in advance (again, the whole kit and caboodle). I refused to even attempt to do that, especially as it would require this girl loaning me all the money, so they said we would lose our £1000.

The eminently wise Tisobel said, over and over again, "Talk to the citizens' advice bureau about your rights!" So I went to get some advice from them on Thursday. While I was waiting for my turn, I called the letting agent and spoke to him for the first time. The plan was to be cool and collected and read off of script I had written out beforehand. I did not do any of those things. I was unreasonable and angry and overly aggressive and had no idea what to say. The guy handled it relatively well. He probably gets that a lot. But he was clear and firm: "we" (i.e. my would-be flatmate) signed a paper forfeiting our right to our money. He said he was planning to have a word with her boyfriend about her options. I ended the phone call firmly with, "Well, I'm at the citizens' advice bureau at the moment, so I'll have a chat with them and you have a chat with [boyfriend] and we'll talk later."

Then I spoke with the citizens' advice lady, who said we could take them to small claims court and argue that they were unreasonable and didn't try hard enough to accommodate us, etc. This option did not sound appealing, so I went to work feeling hopeless. I spent the entire tube ride going over it all in my head, fretting. Then I called my would-be flatmate in order to inform her that I had lost my cool with the letting agent and had probably blown the whole thing. Before I could say any of this, she told me that her boyfriend had just spoken to them, and they were going to give us some of the money back.

I'm sorry...what??

Apparently, I scared them! Or convinced them that we weren't going to go down without a fight. They are giving us half of the money back, keeping the rest to cover the costs of chasing up our references, etc (which the advice lady said was totally fair). And my would-be flatmate has very kindly only asked me for a small portion of the fee, not one-third. They are able to continue living in their flat for a while longer, and I am able to stay in mine for the moment, so all's well that ends well! I won't be moving to Greenwich :-( but might be moving to Edinburgh :-))))) so things are looking alright at the moment! You can continue sending lovely packages to my current address ;-) hint hint

Anti-pie-mactic

2011-03-14T15:37:00.000-07:00

Well.

Tonight reminded me of a day a year and a half ago, when I was feeling stressed and frustrated and alone, and I turned around and standing there, impossibly, was the one person I least expected but most wanted to see. That day, I was sitting in Hyde Park, frustrated with flat-hunting and desperately wanting advice, wanting to see a friendly face, and Alex came jogging by. In the biggest park in one of the bigger cities of the world, there she was when I needed her.

I'm pretty sure everyone wanted to come to my pie party, but all week people have been letting me know that they have to work late, or catch up on their studies, and this and that. I suspected that it was going to be a very small gathering, but I could at least count on my two flatmates and a couple others who said they'd definitely be coming, including a coworker who lives JUST down the road from me. Holly is in India, Tanya in Sri Lanka, Carina in Switzerland, Izzi and Tim at a wedding. I did not at all expect Alex to come. She's hard to pin down at the best of times, and as she is supposed to be leaving for 3 months in Tanzania soon, this is not the best of times. She sent me an email this morning saying that she had to go someplace after work and had stuff to sort out for Africa, but would try to come by after. This is Alex-speak for "see you in three months."

So I started baking this afternoon, not at all sure how many would make it. I was going to make two pies, a chicken pot pie using this crust recipe, and a homity pie. I got started at 4pm. At 6:40, while I was still working on the ingredients of the chicken pot pie, Flatmate One texted to say she needed to sort out her life and would not be coming. At 7pm, still slicing onions, Flatmate Two texted to say that she had been diagnosed with malaria and would not be coming (yikes!) I started taking pictures to document the utter failure that was my Pi(e) Day party.

Filling. Looks good, anyway.

Here's where things get dicey: the top pastry is hard as a rock!!
I almost threw out my shoulder trying to roll it flat.

No one else texted. Nobody at all. The time just kept ticking past, I kept working on my pies, secretly hoping no one would arrive because I was nowhere near having a pie ready for consumption. I became convinced that I would be eating them alone while watching an episode (or 3) of 30 Rock.

When my phone rang at 7:30, I expected it to be my coworker Laura, who I don't know very well and was a bit nervous to spend the evening alone with. But it was Alex, telling me she was downstairs and sorry she was late. It was beyond wonderful to see her. She brought mini steak and chicken pies from Marks and Spencers, and well as mashed potatoes!

Dinner for 10 became dinner for 1 became dinner for 2, and it was perfect. We watched Bridget Jones's Diary and pined after Mark Darcy.

But best of all, my pie was delicious! I even had a witness to vouch for it!

Concentrating really hard so as not to drop it.

I gave up halfway through the homity pie, but will finish it tonight and save it for lunches this week. I'm very proud of myself for making a pie, and a yummy one at that, but I feel weird about the evening. It was an almost complete and utter failure, but not in the way I expected. I've been telling people all week that I'm afraid of burning down the house or causing an outbreak of foodborne illness, but I didn't expect them to take that as a warning to stay away! I didn't even get to read out Becky's pie-ku's. :-(

Oh well. I had a perfect dinner with Alex and that's all that matters. And I have leftovers! AND I now know how to make a pie and don't need to be frightened of it anymore! I am INVINCIBLE!!!

Spring is in the air!

2011-03-13T15:27:00.000-07:00

Izzi and Tim are out of town for a wedding and I feel like someone pressed the 'pause' button on my life. How did I become so dependent on these people?

I'm getting really nervous about Pi(e) Day. Cooking for people scares me, and cooking for several people is terrifying! Oh well, I will woman up and tap into my inner awesomeness. Also, it looks like none of my favoritest people can make it to the party, so it might be an odd mix of semi-randoms. Oh well, it'll be fun no matter what. Mainly because pie is involved. Stay tuned for more "Adventures in Cooking with Kusems!"

Other things: Aparna went to Brighton this week for work, and since she's the best flatmate ever, she brought me Brighton Rock as a souvenir. My microwave dinner was insufficient tonight, so I started chomping into this. Check it out: it says "Brighton Rock" all the way through! How did they do that?!?

I talked to Jocky earlier, which was WONDERFUL.

I had a date on Friday! My first since...late July? Go me!

Paris with Bonus Sis (and meeting up with Jacque!) on Saturday (and I got the day off so can actually catch my train!) So excited!

And finally, SPRING BLOSSOMS! I saw my first ones on Tuesday last week. Sooooooo ready for Spring, bring it on!

Pancake gut

2011-03-07T14:12:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure I saw Lady Gaga trying on neon yellow Doc Martens at the Schuh on Oxford Street today. Or not, but this girl sure was intent on looking like her.

I was reading Becky's blog earlier and was inspired to start taking more photos again. I've been really bad about photographing lately, and haven't really carried my camera with me in months. This is silly, considering it was my New Year's resolution last year to take a photo every day. Ha!

Today and tomorrow are my two days of this week, and for once, I have nothing to do. We finished round 2 of our literature review last week and Greg is working on collecting the 250 journal articles we put through to round 3, so I just get to wait and relax. I've forgotten how to do that! When I have nothing to do, I end up spending money. That's right, I went shopping. I only bought one pair of jeans (part of our uniform allowance at work so way cheap!) and a cardigan. The jeans are a bit tight, and I'm slightly paranoid that they're going to split at the seams within a couple months. :-S But they look AMAZING! Check out that ass!

I was meant to have lunch with Izzi, but she wasn't feeling well :-( I had pancake lunch with Alex and her coworkers instead, at My Old Dutch. These are European-style pancakes, giant crepes twice as big as your head, with all sorts of fillings. They have £5 Mondays, and I swear it's going to be the death of me. I'm as tiny as ever, except around the middle where I'm developing quite the pancake gut. But tomorrow is Pancake Day (aka Shrove Tuesday, or Mardi Gras) and if Izzi is feeling better, I've been invited round to their's for pancakes, so the gut won't be going away just yet. Maybe I'll give up pancakes for Lent. hahaha! Yeah, right.

Pregnant with a pancake baby!

Pi Day is coming up and I'm throwing a party. I'm going to try to make two savoury pies, and I'm excited, but terrified. Cooking actually frightens me. How sad is that? I really need to step up my efforts to find a man who will cook for me. Or just move into Tim and Izzi's flat.

Tomorrow, I was thinking I'd hit up Spitalfields for the Great Pancake Race, and then free hair cut in Camden. I'm in need of a serious trim, as I have a bit of long ducktail thing going on at the back. Yipes.

Relief

2011-02-28T13:41:00.000-08:00

You know how there are moments in life when everything seems to be working in your favor? This is one of those moments. Today, I got a call from a lab temp agency I sent my info to a while back. I was at work so didn't actually speak to them about whatever job they're recruiting for, but it's something! And then I got my payslip from work, and it turns out that all that extra money they paid me this month is actually mine. I take back calling them buffoons! Quite the opposite, they sorted out my taxes and paid me £900 back that I was overcharged over the past several months. I was riding the tube home and it felt like something was missing in my life, and then I realized it was the stress! The tension in my shoulders is missing! I don't have to stress about groceries. My friends can stop buying my dinners and drinks for me. I can afford to pay a deposit on a new flat. And the prospect of going to Paris at the end of the month no longer gives me a mini panic attack. I can afford to go to the Musee d'Orsay and eat meals, too! Obviously, I'm not gonna go on a spending spree. I'm still gonna try to stick the budget I've been on since January, but I can relax a bit. Tonight, I celebrated by treating myself to fish and chips and an episode of Misfits.

Man, it's such a relief.

Annoyingly, the flat we're trying to get is continuing to be problematic. Since my coworker is a student and doesn't have a UK guarantor, they want her to pay her full year's share of the rent upfront. Ridiculous. We'll have to see how it turns out.

Lunches, brunches, and Greenwiches

2011-02-27T01:29:00.000-08:00

I think I'm well overdue for an update, and I've been meaning to write lately because there are some changes going on, but I am a busy, busy little bee!

Last weekend, Tisobel had me over for lunch with their friend, Oliver, on Saturday. I had such a nice time. Izzi made duck and it was AMAZING! Then on Sunday, I had brunch with the girls (Tanya was back in town for a week!!!), then Tisobel had me over for Sunday roast dinner (again, naturally, it was delicious). So I got to hang out with Tisobel (and eat their food) two days in a row. It was pretty much the highlight of my year. It's all downhill from here!

Remember back when I was talking about following the Prime Meridian line north in order to find a new place to live cuz London was driving me crazy? Well, since that failed, I'm following the line to its source instead! I've always loved Greenwich and wanted to live there, but I assumed that it was really expensive to live there because it's so nice. I can't afford to continue living in my current place, because I don't make enough money at work and this flat is so friggin' far out of central London, it should really be a lot cheaper. Anyway, a girl from work and her boyfriend are looking for a place, too, so we decided to look for a two-bedroom flat in...Greenwich! Turns out, because transport links to Greenwich aren't stellar, it's actually cheaper than much of London. So we put down a holding deposit on a flat last week. I'm a bit nervous about the whole thing because it hasn't gone terribly smoothly so far and they sprung a bunch of extra fees on us as soon as we paid the deposit, but we'll see.

Other news, I've decided to try to follow the management track at work, since I have no job prospects in public health/research. I have a year left on my visa, and assuming that's all I'll get, I'm gonna settle in and commit to something. Also, we're opening a store in Edinburgh soon and I SOOOOOOOO want to go there! Edinburgh is GORGEOUS! And full of Scottish accents!

I just got my paycheck for this month, and it's more than twice as much money as it should be. This is great, but very worrying, as I'll obviously have to give some of it back, or not get paid next month or something like that. I really wish this company wasn't staffed by buffoons. It would make life easier.

Today: brunch with some former coworkers who all happen to be Seattlites. My FAVORITE manager, who moved to head office several months ago, and his wife are hosting and it's set to be a doozy! Pancakes with fruit and chocolate chips, eggs, bacon, sausages, champagne...I really need to go shower and get over there before my tummy abandons ship and goes without me!

Peace Corps and study?

2011-01-29T15:04:00.000-08:00

So one possibility that occurred to me was that of getting another degree while also volunteering with the Peace Corps. Exploring this possibility on the Peace Corps website, I clicked "anthropology" to see what options came up under that.

One option came up.

It's for either environmental anthropology or public health anthropology. So far so good.

Guess which school offers it?

Wazzu. I told myself I would be open to the possibility of going to school anywhere in the world. Pullman, WA, does NOT count! That's not anywhere in the world. It's the middle of nowhere! I can't go from London to Pullman. I'd go stir-crazy!

And how disloyal would I be if I crossed over to the dark side and became a Cougar? Not that I've made a very active or loyal Husky, but still.

Also, I'd have to take the GRE again, which I more or less failed last time.

Flippin' Pullman. It figures.

Need and want

2011-01-27T16:06:00.000-08:00

It's amazing what two glasses of wine can do.

Carina invited me over for dinner tonight. I haven't seen her in a month, so it was good to catch up. We watched American Idol and then the new series of Skins. On the tube on the way home, I was too wine-y to read my book, so decided to write down my thoughts. I've been thinking lately that I need a strategy, an action plan.

Pops and Michele were telling me to really think and write about what I want, my goals and stuff. They said to write out a mission statement. I said, "yeah yeah yeah," made a resolution to spend 15 minutes a day writing in my journal about goals and dreams and shit, and then spent the next two weeks saying to myself, "I should really get started on that one of these days..." On the way to work today, I started thinking about what I believe makes me stand apart from other candidates when I apply for a job. As I stepped down from the Central line at Holborn, my answer was "nothing." Of course I'm not getting any interviews. Other people are smarter and more driven than me. They deserve the jobs I'm applying for. I thought about Tim and the fact that when he goes to an interview, he fully believes that he deserves the job he is applying for, and that he is the best candidate they will see. When I go to an interview, I'm just hoping to fool them long enough that they hire me. I chided myself for thinking this way, and by the time I had stepped onto a Picadilly line train, I had started a list of attributes that should make me stand out as a candidate. It's not a very strong list, but it's a start.

So on the way home from Carina's, I was adding more to this list, and reading my book about building schools in Pakistan and Afghanistan, and I had an apostrophe.

I think I should go back to school and get a degree in medical anthropology.

I need to go back to school and get a degree in medical anthropology.

But more than that, I WANT to go back to school a get a degree in medical anthropology. Even with a couple glasses of wine, though, I knew this idea was far-fetched and unrealistic. I'm $60,000 in debt for my first master's degree, which has so far done absolutely nothing for me. I can't go back to school.

But I think I might need to. I want to be a medical anthropologist. That is what I want. I wanted it four years ago but lacked the confidence to say it, or even think it. Yesterday, I wouldn't have said those words. Why does it always take me so long to figure out how much I want something? Why does it take me three or four years to gain the confidence to commit? I've wasted so much time, it makes tears come to my eyes just thinking about it! Twenty-eight years, ten months, 1 day, and $60,000 (not including interest) to come to this conclusion.

Now what? Now I have to find a way to make it happen. It's not a choice. I have a destiny out there somewhere and I can feel it slipping further and further away with each passing day. It is imperative that I fulfill it, before I drive myself insane with longing and an overwhelming feeling of wasted potential.

What sets other people apart from me is their focus and determination. But not anymore.

Visiting the UK Jan: Epping Forest

2011-01-23T12:59:00.001-08:00

Tim said last night, "Now, I don't want to nag...but when are you gonna update your blog again?" Well Tim, stick with your gut instinct and don't be a nag! J/K. I love you!

Yesterday was my day to make good on my New Year's resolution of visiting a new place in the UK each month. I kind of failed. The plan was to go to Richmond Park and Kew Gardens. But it costs £14 to get into Kew Gardens and there isn't much there in January. So Aparna and I were just gonna go to Richmond Park instead in the hopes of seeing deer. But I had to bake cookies first and we just got a bit lazy and then decided it made much more sense to go to Epping Forest, which is a 20 minute walk from home. As I haven't been to Epping Forest before, it kind of counts, but not really. It isn't much of a forest anymore, but Henry the something-or-other used to hunt there back in the day. I think it's about half the size of Marymoor Park, and much less forested. Pretty, though! Then we went to IKEA on a whim, as you do. We got a full-length mirror! It's the best thing ever! Now I can see whether I look ridiculous before I get to work. How convenient!

In the evening, it was Tim's friend, Steve's, birthday party. It was fun, mostly because I got to spend the whole evening with Izzi and Tim. I even spent the night at their flat and they gave me BACON this morning! And maple syrup! I like them.

I think I'm going to have to move again, because I will never make enough money at my current job to pay for my current rent, travel card, and food. One of these things must be cut out. Like, NOW. It's stressful. I had Aparna look at my finances with me last week, and ended up on the verge of a panic attack. I'm trying not to think too much about it. Tuesday night is dinner with Tisobel and their friend, Oliver, and Thursday is dinner with Carina, so I will look forward to those things and try not to stress. Breathing deeply...

Latest whim

2011-01-09T04:54:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in a while because I'm frustrated with life (work, money, London) and I'm sick of always blogging when I'm cranky.

Work is stressing me out. I asked for a raise for a second time, and again my manager came up with BS excuses why I wasn't good enough to warrant a raise, while also giving me even more responsibility and work to do. I've started having stressful dreams about work. Twenty-nine years of learning to be conscientious and hard-working and respect authority, undone by ten months working in this job. I now know that if I work hard and do a good job, I'll get taken advantage of. So it's time to stop working hard. It's time to care less.

In my Christmas stocking (Christmas with the Coley's was wonderful, by the way!), Tim's mom gave me a lavender sachet. I've taken to sniffing it lately to release stress. I took a long sniff of it this morning and was transported back to San Juan Island in May, 2004. Memories of playing at the lavender farm with my sisters, and of almost dying trying to follow my dad up a steep hill on my bike. Forget London. That's where I want to be right now. So I got to thinking, "I wonder what Jersey is like?" I pulled out my list of places to go in England before my visa runs out and added the Channel Islands to it. But why stop there? I'm frustrated with my job and have no other job prospects. Izzi and Tim might be leaving London soon for Tim's work. Why not work in the Channel Islands for a summer season? So this is my latest whim. To spend the summer working in a resort or something on a nice, warmer-than-London island.

Too much good stuff

2010-11-29T12:56:00.000-08:00

Hour three of my 7-hour layover in Vancouver and my eyelids are droooooping. It sucks having such a long layover so close to home when I could be spending time with the family. Oh well, at least Vancouver airport is gorgeous! It's nicer than most shopping malls here and there are (mildly creepy) Native American sculptures all over. I'm currently positioned in a comfy chair next to a burbling stream using free wifi. Eat that, Sea-Tac!

Okay, i was gonna do a blog post about visiting home, but I just feel like finding a place to stretch out and take a nap. So so tired. I managed to do all the things I was hoping to do this week, but it meant not getting very much sleep. Woops! Jet-lag is gonna be a bitch...Good thing I don't have to work the four days following my return! Oh wait, I got that backwards. I'm working full 8-hour shifts for the four days following my return...

Saying goodbye was much harder this time around. Yep, I cried. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that I was only home for six days, so I don't feel like I got to see enough of anybody. It's like when you're hungry, and someone gives you a tiny appetizer to take the edge off your hunger, but it only whets your appetite and makes you want more. I should have gone for two weeks to get satiated without feeling overstuffed. But everyone is back to work today anyway, so there wouldn't really be anyway to hang out with.

Here's what all I did:

Monday night: flight from Vancouver to Seattle canceled; spent night in nice hotel room; took lovely hot bath.

Tuesday: arrived in snowy Seattle late morning; took bus home where Michele made me yummy lunch; caught bus to Redmond to see Jocky briefly; had dinner with Mama, Jody, Amy, and Diana; got slightly tipsy and watched Harry Potter; spent the night at Amy's, even though she wasn't there.

Wednesday: drove three hours south to Portland with Jocky and Amy, lunch with Gma, Gpa, Aunt Leslie and Uncle Steve; shopped in downtown Portland (I like it there!); dinner with Aunt Chris; three hour drive home.

Thursday: Turkey Day at Ward and Dixie's; Secret Santa name draw (I'm not telling you whose name I drew!).

Black Friday: Woke at 2:15am to go shopping with Katy and Michele (clearly, I lost my mind at some point on Thursday). Shopped until 8am, then took a nap; went shopping again at 11am; met up briefly with Jocky at Banana Republic; lunch and nice catch-up time with Ross and Sandra; watched Mama and Jody play soccer (OMG! Mama playing soccer?! Awesome!); fell asleep in my Red Robin burger; spent the night at Amy's, in her roommate's room; woken up by Amy sometime around midnight because roommate was on her way home and I had to get out of her bed.

Saturday: breakfast and Target shopping with Jody (oh Target, how I do love thee; please move to London!); brief hanging out with Mama (mostly just me playing Kinectimals); high tea with Michele, Katy, Jody, and Becky at the Queen Mary teahouse; dinner date with Pops; briefly lose my wallet, then discover it at home. Phew!

Sunday: Watch Miracle on 34th Street while Michele puts up and decorates Christmas tree; lunch with Sara and Emily in U District; snacks and bubbly at Ross and Sandra's with their newly adopted daughter and Jocky, Amy, and Diana; watch cheesy Hallmark film with Pops and Michele; cry into Pops' shoulder at the thought of leaving.

Monday: Leave it all behind once again.

I have a feeling that might have been really boring to read. Anyway, I'm amazed I got so much done. It's no surprise I feel dead tired. Sadly, I don't have many photos to show for all the hijinks, except lots of photos of Mama playing soccer. I feel an evil laugh coming on. Mwah hahaha-ha!

Omens

2010-11-16T03:28:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna be home in LESS THAN A WEEK!!!! Wooohooooooo! Can't wait!!!!

Happy birthday to John! I hope it's wonderful!

I don't have much else to report. I still haven't signed an updated contract at work, so still don't know if they're going to offer me more money or if I'll have to demand it. I feel like threatening to leave just before Christmas should knock some sense into them. Especially as one of the other girls they just promoted just gave her two weeks notice. They're dropping like flies.

I recently read The Alchemist, which was SOOO GOOD! Now I keep thinking that I should be paying better attention to signs and omens, that the Universe/God is probably sending me messages telling me what to do next, but I'm just not paying attention. The question popped into my head the other day: If I were to leave London and move to a different city, would I miss London? And the answer was "no." I would miss Izzi and Tim, and Holly. I would miss Carina a tiny bit but I hardly ever see her. If Tanya was staying in London, I'd miss her too, but she's still not sure if she'll be sticking around or going back to Canada. And that's about it. Five people.

I was thinking about all this as I passed under the prime meridian laser the other night, and I thought, "What if the laser is an omen, pointing me to an exotic northern locale?" So I hopped onto my trusty MacBook and pulled up Google maps to see where the prime meridian passes through on it's way north from London. I quickly determined that the prime meridian is NOT a helpful omen, directing me to my next adventure, as it passes through nowhere of any interest. It comes nearish to Cambridge, which is kind of a nice place but I didn't really like it that much, and Hull, which by all accounts is one of the most miserable places on earth. Then the line shoots off into the North Sea. So yeah. Back to the drawing board.

Back on the funny farm

2010-11-07T10:34:00.000-08:00

Happy 26th birthday to the best second-youngest sister a girl could ask for! I miss you, Jodifer, but I'll see you soon! Also, while I'm at it, a very happy early birthday to Sandra and John! Can't wait to see you ALL!

Man, I had such a great weekend!!! I wasn't scheduled for Wednesday or Thursday, my first two days off in two months. I decided to get lots of work done for PhD guy, who sent me an email earlier in the week saying the WHO wants to see a publication by December so let's really rush this through. Eeps! Izzi and Tim invited me over for dinner Wednesday, and I was happy for once to not have to ask them to push it back until 8 or 9pm. Izzi made a delicious pie with chicken and bacon (my favorite!) She would like me to set the record straight, and I'm happy to oblige: my last post implied a bit that she and Tim are narcissists. This is not at all true. Only Tim is a narcissist. :-) He's still wonderful, though. He's growing a 'tache for Movember to raise awareness for prostate cancer, and though I'm normally a total 'tache hater, I feel I can support them for charity's sake. Also, I want to see what he manages to shape it into.

Tanya returned to London this week after a 5-month hiatus back home (Canada) so Holly suggested we all go to the Farm for the weekend, and go to Bonfire Night in Lewes (I went last year and it was SO MUCH FUN!) She asked if I could get Friday off work, which I was able to do in the end, and then on Thursday, a girl randomly asked if she could work for me on Saturday. So I had FOUR days off IN A ROW! Amazing!!! And I got to go to the Farm! And spend three days with Tanya! (and Holly, of course) So wonderful. We got to play with the baby (getting so big and clever!) and romp through the fields. Tanya, in her usual wide-eyed-wonderment way, asked, "So when you guys were little, you could just pick a field to run through?" (They do have a heckuva lotta fields. Full of deer, no less!) Holly's parents bought the farm in the 70s cuz they were hippies and wanted to work the land and live with friends and family around and raise their kids in a healthy, rural environment. Her older brother lives in a little room off the side of the house, and her sister and brother-in-law live with their little girl in a house across the driveway, but they're building a house in one of the fields. Her aunt and uncle live on the neighboring plot of land. Apparently, it's Holly's dad's dream that she and all her friends move into the big house and make it like some sort of happy commune. Yes, please! I would move there in a heartbeat.

(By the way, while I'm thinking about it: Ross, I LOVE my camera! I know you gave it to me five years ago, and there are probably more amazing ones are the market now, but it's such a great camera! The above series of photos wouldn't have been possible without the multiple-shot function, and I also used the color accent function a ton.)

We returned to London on Saturday to celebrate Aparna's birthday by letting Aparna cook us all a curry. It was super yummy. I'm hoping to absorb some good cooking tips from her, by allowing her to cook all my meals for me and half listen to her telling me what she's doing as she goes along. :-D

Stuff

2010-10-27T14:15:00.001-07:00

Happy impending birthday to my favorite daddio!

Tisobel have asked that I update my blog, and write about them. They like to read about themselves. But when I leave this long between posts, it becomes a chore because I have so much to catch up on! I'll try to make it quick.

1. Izzi and Tim have had me over for dinner three times since they got married in September (did I post pics?) I love their new home! It's so cozy and bright and homey. It's wonderful in every way. Also, they make me yummy yummy food. I heart them. I told them that Ross and Sandra were adopting a grown-up woman, and they decided they want to adopt me. I didn't think my bio 'rents would appreciate it much, though, so maybe I will just move into the flat two doors down from them and be their neighbor instead of their daughter.

2. A month ago, I moved to Leytonstone, which is miiiiiiiiiiiles out of central London. It's in zone 3, east London. I work in zone 2, west London. I hate hate hate having to wake up at 6:30 in the morning to get to work on time and I haven't been getting home until late, but I'm actually kind of enjoying being out in the suburbs. I've been feeling lately like it might be time for me to leave London, like I'm over it. But moving out to the suburbs has actually fixed that feeling a bit. It's not even a nice suburb, either! It's dingy and grimy and a bit on the sketchy side, but I kind of love it! Also, one night as I was walking home, I noticed a green light shining across the sky. At first, I thought it was a skylight, but it was stationary. It took me a minute to realize that it's the laser beamed from Greenwich, delineating the prime meridian. How cool is that? I cross the prime meridian every day on my way to work, and again on my way home. Fun!

3. I want to come home for Thanksgiving. I asked for time off from work (they wouldn't give me time off for Christmas and I kinda wanted to spend Christmas here again, though I have no plan for who to spend it with.) Ticket prices are high, but I'm feeling a feeling which might be called "homesick" so I don't care. I actually got homesick standing in Starbucks the other day! Can you believe it? They sell something called the "Seattle Latte" which comes in a little plastic cup out of the refrigerated section. They were also selling mugs with the old-school mermaid logo, and it was all too much for me. Thoughts of home came flooding over me and suddenly, my plan of coming home for one week didn't feel like enough. The only problem is, I don't actually have the money. My old flatmate still hasn't given me back my deposit, even though it's been three and a half weeks (GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!) and I was gonna use that to buy the ticket. At any rate, tomorrow is payday so I can buy the ticket then. I wish I could have bought it two weeks ago, but whatever! Life goes on, I suppose. Anyway, I expect to see ALL of your lovely faces in the whirlwind one-week tour I'll be making of the Greater Seattle and Portland areas.

4. So I was working two retail jobs, working seven days a week, right? This was not making me a happy girl, and I didn't really click at the second job, so I gave my notice. Friday is my last day and I am RELIEVED! It's a stressful job. Customer service over the phone is way harder and more stressful than face-to-face (especially when your company has just launched a new website and it has many, many flaws). Anyway, I asked the Big A if I could go full time, and they said yes, and also,

5. They are promoting me! Sort of. I'm kind of happy, but mostly annoyed and suspicious. They mentioned a few weeks ago that they wanted me to be sort of the till manager, so I asked my boss if this would involve a pay raise. The flat-out response was "no," mixed in with some mild jabs at my job performance (she's kind of a two-faced, untrustworthy type who makes up stupid excuses not to do stuff for you). So...yeah. Today, they told me I'm being promoted to Senior Customer Associate, and I'll be expected to be manager-on-duty at times. I'm not sure what to tell them. I want them to trust me and give me more responsibility, but I will not take on stressful management roles without a pay raise. I earn the same hourly wage that I earned when I started for them. The same hourly wage all my non-Senior Customer Associate coworkers also earn! I mean, hell no, right? And yet, it might be that or walk. I don't know. I know they are just taking advantage and I need to put my foot down and say, "Kusems L. Poppington will stand for this no longer!" Maybe.

6. The PhD guy changed his mind, and wants me to help him again! YAY!!! But I'm feeling bad cuz I'm still going really slowly (what with two jobs, moving, having no internet access at home until this week, and having a surprisingly active social life). :-S I am using my long commutes to sift through articles, though, so that's good. But I'm worried he's gonna get frustrated with how long this is taking. Must stop blogging and get back to work!

7. Sleepover with coworkers tomorrow (how funny is that?), the old gang over for dinner on Friday, and Halloween Saturday! Yippee! Oh, and daylight savings on Sunday, so the time difference between London and Seattle will be 7 hours for a couple weeks, I think. Just so's you know.

My latest creation

2010-09-20T14:20:00.000-07:00

I have been upset with a stupid boy all day. The thing is, I think I'm pretty wonderful, and it really galls me when anyone treats me like I'm just some girl. I'm not just some girl. I'm one of the most wonderful, sweet, amazing girls you'll ever have the good fortune to meet! So how dare you be so blase about spending time with me?!? You should be so lucky to have the opportunity!!

I was making a card for Izzi and Tim (only two weeks late for their wedding :-S), and I decided I needed to make a card for this boy, too. So after a long hiatus from drawing (pretty much since Africa last summer), here is my latest creation.

In other news, Izzi and Tim's (or Tisobel's, if you prefer) wedding was wonderful, beautiful, and the most fun I've had in quite a long time. You better believe I shook my little booty quite a bit. The ceremony was hilarious. The minister actually quoted the Princess Bride! I could not believe it! It was a bit sad, though, because few British people have seen the Princess Bride so no one else had any idea what he was on about, but I was laughing hysterically in my seat.

The PhD guy pulled me off the project for the moment. He needed to get it done more quickly and I was holding him back. He said I can help him in November when he gets back from traveling. I'm not gonna pretend I wasn't a little bit devastated. I may have cried into my pillow and sobbed over the phone to Holly. And considering I now work long hours seven days a week in two jobs that give me zero feelings of satisfaction or fulfillment, it's no wonder that I'm feeling a bit frustrated with life. But I won't lose hope. I'm moving in a couple weeks and I hope that will be a positive experience. It's a much bigger room, for less than I pay now, and I'll be living with a good, diseases-loving friend and her childhood friend, though it is a bit far out and clear on the other side of town from both my jobs. It's gonna be good, though. I can feel it. I will make it so.

Cool kids

2010-08-30T13:49:00.000-07:00

No John, I'm not still sick. Just too busy to update my blog!

The PhD student that I offered to help (for free, of course) is finally ready to kick things off, and he has signed me up as an honorary research fellow at the school. This means my school email has been re-activated (they cut us all off a month after we finished our dissertations) and I get to spend more time at the school. I've previously noticed that any time I spend at the school makes me feel really warm and fuzzy inside. It reminds me of the good old days when I was surrounded by people with the same passions and interests as me. When it was perfectly normal for dinner conversation to revolve around gastric worm infections and the best treatment for herpes. I miss it like crazy, but I don't really realise that I've been missing it until I'm reexposed to it all.

So when I logged in to my email account just now for the first time, I almost felt like crying with joy when the first two emails I read were headed:

"New Podcast: "This Wormy World": Global Atlas of Worm Infections"

and

"Delete if not interested in TB"

It's like I've been temporarily invited into an elite club that I've been dying to get into for a year.

The time, it's a-flying

2010-08-06T01:50:00.000-07:00

Tempus fugit, yo. In approximately one month and a week, I will have been in this country for two years. Two years! It really doesn't feel like that long. I managed to snag myself a second part-time job, so I've stopped stressing about money, but I've started stressing about moving. I told my flatmate/landlord that I'm looking for cheaper flats, and she said she was gonna start advertising my room. I thought that was a bit abrupt, but it's really not, seeing as how we're cruising through August already, and I want to move out at the beginning of September. And then I realized that Ingo and Beccy are coming to visit at the end of August, beginning of Septebmer, so why on earth did I commit myself to moving?! Shoot shoot shoot. Oh well, we'll see what happens. Maybe I'll talk to Mel and postpone for another month.

I'm sick. I spent all day yesterday squeaking at people at work because I've lost my voice. I sound like a boy going through puberty. This morning, I awoke to an invasion of snot and phlegm. Might call in sick to work, though the president of the whole friggin' company is visiting the store today, so they might kind of want me to be there. We'll see.

Here we go again

2010-07-16T14:53:00.000-07:00

Being depressed makes me sad.

haha See what I did there?

No, but seriously. I'm depressed again and I HATE it. I wish I knew what made me slump, so I could shoot it in the face. But that's probably the depression talking. I know that, as always, this too shall pass. It's temporary. I'll feel better in a few days, or at most, a couple weeks. But I almost cried at work today...for no reason whatsoever. They had me at the front of the store as a greeter (read: theft prevention), and there was no one to talk to. I just had to walk around in circles tidying things. So I was all alone with my thoughts, and thinking about the fact that I was depressed, or how frustrated I was that I didn't know what was causing it, made me want to cry. I imagined calling my friends to chat with them, and that thought made me cry. It was ridiculous. And it was just because I was alone with my thoughts. If I'd been talking to someone else, I would have been totally fine and smiley, though perhaps slightly panicky on the inside.

I need to laugh, and I need to sleep, so I'm gonna watch some tv and hit the hay. It's a good thing I'll be seeing Izzi tomorrow. That'll cheer me up.

The last months in pictures

2010-07-01T02:44:00.000-07:00

Finally, some photos!

Firstly, a rather shocking change:

This is the first time in my life that my hair has been shorter than shoulder length. It was not scary having it all cut off. I guess I'd been toying with the idea for a while. Also, all three of my sisters have already gone short, so I'm really just following the trend. I went to the same place I've been going since January, an academy where they give free hair cuts. This time, the students were a bunch of Italian hair students visiting London for some courses at the academy. I spoke with the guy who works there about what he would do with it, and then he handed me over to an Italian hair student who spoke no English. Fun!

I tried curling it today. It sort of worked.

Cambridge with Tanya:

Beccy and Ingo's Wedding:

And Royal Ascot:

Ascot

2010-06-19T13:13:00.001-07:00

I don't get it. Why is my blog getting spammed? Every single post gets some nonsense comment from someone. Lame!

I went to Royal Ascot yesterday with old coworkers from the pub. It was so much fun! I saw the Queen live for the first time. It only took me two years of living in this country. I bet £5 on the first race, on a horse called Tiz My Time ridden by a US jockey, picked by name, of course. I won £15 back! I couldn't believe it! After the races, we headed back into town and caught the England football game. It was bo-ho-ring, but I made friends in the pub with an American from Manhattan and an English guy from Devon. Then I ate fish and chips, so I was pretty pleased. Pictures when I can be arsed.

Back to work today. The more shifts I work, the more I hate people. I've never felt that way in any other customer service job I've worked at. I hated my first waitressing job, but I didn't hate people. I think I'm just getting old and set in my ways, and I can't understand how any grown woman, regardless of how wealthy she is, can enter a nice store and throw clothing on the floor for someone else to pick up. Or how you can come into a store with lots of breakables and let your young children run loose. Once, a woman asked one of my coworkers to scold her children for her. Rich people. Ugh.

World Cup

2010-06-16T15:01:00.000-07:00

Ugh, I can't be bothered to update, R! I'm just so lazy...

Today, I had a three hours 20 minutes shift at work. Multiply that by £7/hr and that doesn't even cover half of what I spent on clothes today. Oops. It's hardly worth getting dressed and trekking to work. Grr.

Ewan MacGregor's motorcycle buddy was in the shop today. Prince William's girlfriend was in last week. I would not have known either of them if my coworkers hadn't pointed them out.

Ingo's wedding was the weekend before last and it was jolly good fun. The food at the reception was amazing! I danced, of course, because I like dancing. Wanda and Ralph were there, which was really cool because I didn't get to see them at Christmas. Wanda danced as well, but we couldn't convince Ralphy to join in. It was really great seeing Beccy and Ingo again, and I'm glad I got to share their special day with them.

Last weekend marked the start of the World Cup, and I went to a coworker's boyfriend's house for an England vs. USA viewing party. The game was a bit lame and over pretty quickly, but I had a good time at the party. One of my coworker's friends thought I was cute. Score! We're gonna go on a World Cup-watching date next week. My hair has really been working for me lately, and I've been dressing a bit smarter, and I've been meeting guys right and left, so I've really been feeling like hot shit lately. It's nice to have a little boost to the confidence, especially when job hunting is still so depressing. I did contact a PhD student from the school, though, who very very kindly agreed to let me help him with a literature review he's doing this summer (he's probably thrilled he's getting free labor!) so hopefully that will help? I don't know. I just don't know what to do, where to look. I'm a lost toy.

Anyway, should be getting to bed. Lunch with Holly and Alex tomorrow. I haven't seen Alex in probably two months. I was starting to think she didn't love me anymore, but it's probably just her being her usual rubbish-friend self. It'll be good to see them both.

Pictures are on Facebook. I'm too lazy to upload them to Picasa at the moment. Meh.

Clarity

2010-05-25T12:55:00.000-07:00

A couple months ago, I was telling people that part of the reason I was having trouble finding a job was that I didn't really know what I was looking for. I didn't know quite what I wanted, I just had a general idea. But recently I've come to the realization that it's not true anymore, and probably never was. Over the past couple months, I've formed a solid and tangible idea of the job I want. I can describe it in concrete words.

I want to do qualitative, social research related to tuberculosis, preferably in India.

Hm, surprising how that's exactly how I described my ideal summer project more than a year ago. So if I've wanted to do that for over a year, why did I tell countless people that I didn't know what I wanted? Probably for the same reason that I waited until the end of my third year to declare "microbiology" as my undergraduate major, despite having picked it out of a list of majors during orientation, months before I attended my first undergraduate class. There was never any other major that I considered declaring, yet I hesitated to commit myself to microbiology. Why? Because of a ridiculous, inexplicable lack of confidence in myself or in my choices.

A friend asked me the other day why I wasn't looking for a PhD. This question usually makes me shudder and cringe with the thought of a hundred reasons not to do a PhD, but not this time. This time, I stopped and asked myself, "Yeah, why haven't I considered that?" Suddenly, I couldn't come up with a good reason. I should look into a PhD. Yeah, there may be funding issues, but I won't know until I look into it. I should finish my application to the Peace Corps, too. I should continue emailing researchers doing the work I want to do. When they don't respond, I should call them and nag them. I need to be the squeaky wheel and get myself some gosh-darned grease!

Every now and then I fall apart

2010-05-17T14:17:00.000-07:00

Last week, I stumbled upon a quote in an old notebook:

"Follow your dreams. They know the way."

This, of course, is way easier said than done. While the quote initially made me nod my head and say "yeah! totally!" to myself, that feeling faded as soon as I tried to work out exactly how to follow my dream. Jobs doing social research on tuberculosis in India don't just grow on trees.

A couple years ago, I was bored and disappointed with my life. So I did two things. I started volunteering with some yutes, and I taught myself to knit. Both made me feel loads better. Now again I'm bored and disappointed with my life. I'm really stressing out again and getting depressed, frustrated with work and lack of money. A couple months ago, I applied to be a volunteer with an HIV support organization, and tonight I had my induction ceremony. When I left the building, I was filled with a sense of, I don't know. Rightness. Maybe it was the warm spring air, the sunset, the fact that that particular part of Islington is gorgeous (near where you lived, Rania!), but I felt like I was making a move in the right direction. I was moving in the direction of my next dream, walking through a city that represented the fulfillment of my last dream.

I think I'm gonna be alright.

British politics

2010-05-13T04:57:00.000-07:00

UK politics, eh? I don't really understand what's going on, but I know it's historical and weird. Also, most British people don't really understand what's going on, so I'm not alone. They don't elect their prime minister the way we elect our president. They vote for how the Houses of Parliament will be structured, and whichever party has a majority in Parliament gets to put their man in 10 Downing Street. But what happens when no party gets a majority? They try to form coalitions (like on Survivor when people formed alliances, but still tried to stab each other in the backs). There were three main parties in this election, the Conservatives (right), Labour (middle/left), and the Liberal Democrats (far-left). And which two parties formed the coalition? The two with the least in common, of course!

So the Conservatives (Tories) formed a coalition with the Lib-Dems, a previously pretty small and weak third party. Now the Tory leader, David Cameron, gets to be PM but the Lib-Dem leader, Nick Clegg, gets to be Deputy PM. From what I understand (and I don't understand much), that's pretty groundbreaking. However, being Deputy PM isn't like being Vice President. They don't get to take over if the Prime Minister dies or anything. PMs don't even have to appoint a deputy. Gordon Brown didn't have a Deputy PM. Still, the Lib-Dems should gain some prestige from this, and it's pretty significant that any third party should gain such power. Like the U.S., Britain has been pretty strongly two-partied for a long time now.

It'll be really interesting to see how things pan out as far as compromises are concerned. For example, on the issue of immigration, the Tories and the Lib-Dems take polar opposite stances. Nick Clegg originally advocated for making all illegal immigrants citizens, while the Tories want to round them all up and deport them. (Well, actually, they wouldn't deport them. They'd just put them in high-security prisons indefinitely with no trial or hopes of ever living a normal life.) So yeah. Fun times ahead for Britain!

On a related but separate note, something I find really interesting and kind of funny: two of the biggest criticisms of Barack Obama in the run-up to the election were that he was 1) an elitist and 2) young and inexperienced. I was all for these things. After 8 years of George W. (and facing the prospect of Sarah Palin as second-in-command), I was ready for someone with a brain to be in power. And as a young person, I'm okay with young people with fresh ideas being in charge. In Britain, the Tories are most like Republicans, and Labour is most like the Democrats. But the people here who love Barack Obama, who support Labour or the Lib-Dems, their big criticisms of Tory leader David Cameron are that he is 1) an elitist and 2) young and inexperienced. Funny how that works, huh? The elitist thing is different here, though. Where Barack Obama was called elitist because he's intelligent and educated, despite humble roots, David Cameron is called an elitist because he's the son of rich, powerful people who sent him to the top (elitist) schools. The class system is way more powerful here than in the U.S., and David Cameron definitely belongs to the snooty upper class.

Ok, enough. I will now return to hating and ignoring politics.

Chin ups

2010-05-12T04:15:00.000-07:00

Dude, what is with all the spam comments? Ugh. Anyway, I suppose it's about time I updated again. *bored eye roll*

Hm, so...I bought a bike a week and a half ago. It's a piece of junk and I paid way too much for it, but it's a really pretty blue and is one of those curvy beach-cruiser shapes, which I LOVE! Sadly, the seat post seems to be rusted in place so I can't lower the seat to a comfortable height. Alas.

I had a phone interview for an internship in Uganda last week. I didn't do very well. They said they'd let me know by the end of last week but I still haven't heard from them. I think that's a no...

I've been made till specialist at work, which is pretty cool. It means more responsibility for the same amount of pay. And they're not going to be giving me more hours. Hm. Why did I want this again? Oh well, it'll look good on the ol' resume, and I think it'll be kind of fun.

Hm, I feel like there was something else I was going to write about, but now I can't remember. Oh well. Back to job hunting, a.k.a. the most soul-destroying, confidence-shattering activity known to man.

My first celebrity sighting

2010-04-27T14:14:00.001-07:00

Bob Geldof came into the shop today. I didn't even catch a glimpse of him cuz I'm useless. Apparently he told Elin, the sweetest girl in the world, that our walky-talkies make us look stupid. Yes, that's right, we wear walky-talkies around the shop.

But that's nothing. This weekend, I went to a pub in Chalk Farm with Holly, Tanya, Simon and James. I walked out onto the patio to find us a table in the sun, and as I was glancing around, I noticed a guy who looked kind of like Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl (except way more tan). I was like, "Nah, it can't be him. All these women on the patio are giving him a wide berth and acting completely normal. Must just be a look-alike."

But it did look a lot like him, so I kept stealing glances back at him (read: trying not to be obvious about the fact that I was staring at him.) It was him. No doubt in my mind. The same crooked teeth, lips, and eyebrows. The overwhelming cockiness in his posture. It was so him. Knowing that I had drinks at a pub that *Chuck Bass* (can't be bothered to look up his real name) goes to makes me feel like I could almost sort of a little bit be mistaken for a cool person. Almost.

Birthday presents!

2010-04-18T16:04:00.000-07:00

From Simon: Vladimir, the coolest cane EVER! Check out the crazy eyes going in opposite directions!

From Holly: Cath Kidston sneakers! There's a reason I listed this girl as my significant other.

From Izzi and Tim: super cute purse and tea cups with too-short spoons

From Mel (flatmate): headband and jewelry

From Carina: words can not describe the wonderfulness of this necklace

From Alex: pretty swallow necklace

From Maya: weird but awesome coconut purse

From John and Becky: Vampire Weekend and The Power of Now
From James: The xx and Mos Def

From Ross and Sandra: heirloom quality pearl necklace (!!!!!) and bonus black pearl earrings

Thank you thank you thank you everyone for the wonderful and awesome birthday presents! Those of you who are nearly a month late in sending me my goodies are losers. Though to be fair, I'm greedy and selfish, so I guess I shouldn't sling too much mud your way.

Things that make me happy

2010-04-18T15:01:00.000-07:00

Beautiful, beautiful day! Days, actually! Yesterday was warm and gorgeous, so I decided to run some errands and check out the steam fair that was going on in Hammersmith. It was a little tiny carnival with antique (but refurbished) rides all run by steam engines. They were really beautifully painted. There was a "Wall of Death" that totally took me back to Jinja, Uganda, where we attended a carnival and climbed high onto a very rickety structure to gaze down on an elderly Indian man riding a motorcycle horizontally around the circular wooden structure we were standing on. I was sure the whole thing was gonna collapse and we were all gonna die, motorcycles or not. The one in Hammersmith looked much safer. They also had a little arcade with antique penny-slot games that was so so cool! I paid £1 for 8 tokens and won more tokens a couple times, so got to play quite a few of them. I paid one token to learn about future events in my life, and another for a creepy fortune teller lady in a box to tell my fortune (which was not a fortune at all, but just a description of my personality...and not even really my personality.) It was awesome. Annoyingly, I forgot my camera so you'll just have to take my word for it.

Today was another beautiful day, and I got to spend it with Tanya and Carina! I wagered on it being warm (definitely hit 70 degrees!) so decided it was high time for my legs to reacquaint themselves with Mr. Sunshine. Skin really doesn't get much paler than this.

We had breakfast behind Borough Market, then headed over to Shakespeare's Globe for the Bard's birthday celebrations. It was mostly activities for children, but don't you think that would stop we three grown-up ladies, no sirree! Carina took a crack at Anne Bowling (ha ha! Get it? Anne Boleyn?) which she did horribly at, so I'm curious how any child was expected to win. Then we took a picture with a bear and tried to guess its name (no, it was not Lady Macbear). Then we added our ingredients to a witch's brew, which involved writing nasty-sounding things on post-it notes and sticking it to a wall. I put "ogre's earwax." Carina, ignoring my vehement protests, put "syphilitic pus." She was supported in this decision by Tanya, who is usually the prudish, responsible, innocent one in the group (yes, even compared to me!) She supported it on the grounds that it would be educational for the young kiddies to learn about STDs. Usually, I love that all my friends are crazy about infectious diseases and we can have ridiculous conversations about pertussis and herpes in public places, but there has to be a line somewhere.

Anyhoo, we watched some volunteers of all ages makes fools of themselves acting out lines from the Scottish play on stage. We tapped our fingers against our palms to simulate rain and cackled like witches when directed to do so. When we left, we dropped pennies into the Globe support bucket and were offered cheery red flags. Carina, possibly because she'd spent too much time around small children, decided to act like a petulant child and refused the flag, instead demanding a poster and a gold star. Luckily, the man handing them out was a good sport and unpeeled the large gold star sticker, asking, "And where would you like it?" As it was quite big, the only practical place for it to go was her chest, so this was a bit of a PG-13 question. Then we sat out in the sun for ages drinking Pimms (first Pimms of the year! woot woot!) and pear cider. A friend of Carina's, named James joined us (Tanya: "What is with all the Jameses? I feel like people should know there are other names out there!") and we pretty much spent the entire day drinking and sunning, with a bit of pie eating and book browsing thrown in for good measure. Tanya gave me a pink and blue rhino from Tanzania, and we all decided he should be named Winston.

It was pretty much the best day ever.

Perspective

2010-04-14T13:02:00.000-07:00

Thanks for all the words of encouragement, guys. I'm feeling much better this evening. I don't know why some days it is impossible to think positive thoughts, and other days it's easy. Today, it's easy.

I will get a job, and it'll be a good one. And I'm not gonna worry too much about money at the moment. Stressing about whether I'll have money in the future when I have money right now is kinda silly. Obviously, I should be wise about my spending, but I should enjoy life while I can! Tanya came back from Tanzania today (YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!) and I went to meet her at Paddington station. They almost didn't let her back into the country! She's Canadian and her visa expired in January, but she was in Tanzania already so couldn't renew it. Since she has been working for the school and earning pounds during this time, this puts her in a bit of a gray zone. Border control took her passport and said, "I have to check this with my boss." In the end, they decided to let her back in (she's only staying for six weeks anyway) because the work she was doing was noble and helping Africa. Anyway, we sat in the train station eating Burger King and talking about boys (yes, we haven't seen each other in three months and that's all we could think to talk about). Then she asked if I wanted to go to Italy for a weekend. I've never been to Italy. I've wanted to go for a while. Tanya speaks Italian (in addition to English and French). But when she asked, I got really sad and stressed and was like, "Uuuuhhhhh, I don't know..." I don't know? I DON'T KNOW??? When will I get another chance to go to Italy? With a good friend, who speaks Italian? I've been fantasizing about the south of France for weeks! Of course I'll go to Italy with you, Tantan! Let's go tomorrow!

Disappointment

2010-04-13T14:47:00.000-07:00

My quest for positivity has been put on indefinite hold. I came home to an email from the job I really wanted in Glasgow. After careful consideration, my application has not been successful. Actually, the exact wording is that I have not been successful.

I've received this email so many times and worded so many ways, I feel useless and unwanted. The world has no place for me. It doesn't need me. Goodness knows Brand A will continue makings oodles of money without me.

I don't understand what I have to do to get a flipping interview! I'm so angry and frustrated.

I really really feel like giving up, but of course, that's impossible. Or rather, it would require going into default on my student loans and eventually starving to death. Which, I'll be honest, sounds sort of appealing, at least in a romantic bohemian sort of way. I could contract tuberculosis and die a slow, painful, and poverty-ridden death like the chick in La Boheme, probably minus the charming young lad writing poetry to my beauty.

My first student loan payment was due yesterday. $747.41. And it's past due, because I made the payment yesterday but it takes two days to process. My first payment and I'm already delinquent.

I just have no hope left. I told Holly on Sunday that I wanted this job, but had no hope of getting it. I have no hope of getting any relevant or interesting or even remotely lucrative job. For the past few months, I've become convinced that something's gotta give, but I don't even believe that anymore.

Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. The plan was to go buy much-needed Clinique concealer, but now I feel like I can't justify any expenditure. Employee appreciation starts Thursday and there's a pile of things I need/want to buy...Ok, I have to stop thinking about this.

Alright, I have reached phase two of disappointment: determination. Phase one involves pathetically feeling sorry for myself and crying a lot. Phase two is where I get down to business and try to fix what I can. Phase two was kickstarted by an email from an international development job website listing recently added jobs. I have no recollection of signing up for this service, and yet here it is in my inbox, at exactly the moment when I'm feeling hopeless. Divine intervention? Sure, why not?

Weekend

2010-03-30T05:04:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated since my birthday, which was fun! I had a lovely dinner with my nearest and dearest on the Thursday. On the Saturday, Carina and her flatmates threw one of their mental house parties. It was...eventful. Everyone kissing everyone else, people vomitting on other people's beds, etc. Good clean fun. Pictures of my wonderful birthday presents to follow!

Last weekend was sort of odd. Good Friday was a bank holiday in the UK. I had to work, of course, but they offered to let me go home early and I jumped at the opportunity. I only found out later that they were paying us time and a half. D'oh! Anyway, one of the guys I went on a date with, the one who was too chicken to ask me for my number, he was having a pub day to celebrate the day off (the best way the English can think of to spend their free time.) So I went over to that, since James and his new girlfriend were there as well. Weirdness number one: I got asked out to dinner by a 40-year-old, overweight, self-proclaimed bipolar lesbian. I was flattered when she called me hot, but really did not know how to handle that. As for the date guy, by the end of the night, I had decided he was actually quite sweet and I should give him a proper chance, despite not really being attracted to him. I went to get late night curry with him and some of his friends, and eventually conversation turned to his sex life. Apparently, he's currently sleeping with a coworker four nights a week. They also discussed his top five list of objects he likes to use during sex, to insert...places. I left dinner feeling confused, annoyed, and like I'd dodged a bullet. We clearly misjudged each other, if I thought he was sweet and he thought I was...that kind of girl. Blech!

So nothing going anywhere with any boys, but I'm okay with that. I can wait for someone who suits me better. Besides, at the moment, I'm far more concerned about finding a job. Uuuuuuuggghhh.

Easter was nice. I hung out with James and we went for a walk along the canal in beautiful weather! Everytime I pass see canal boats in London, I think of Grandma and Grandpa telling me on at least three different occasions about the PBS special they watched on canal boats in England. "Did you know there are over 800 miles of canal in England?" "Yes, Grandpa..."

I got new contact lenses today, as I dropped my last one down the sink hole last week. I like the way I look in my glasses, but they aren't quite right and I haven't really grown accustomed to them. The optician today said they weren't correcting my astygmatism. Why the eye doctor in Bothell gave me a pair of glasses with the wrong prescription that didn't correct my astygmatism, I'll never understand. Moron.

Anyhoo, gotta run to eat and get to work. And try to apply for a job somewhere in between!

Gentlemen prefer...me!

2010-03-17T08:43:00.001-07:00

New goal: apply for at least one job per day on my days off. So far, so good. Applied for a job yesterday in Washington, D.C. I'm not that keen on moving to D.C., but I should put myself out there and see what happens. It would be a TB advocacy job; in fact, the same job I applied for back in November in London (which my friend, Aparna, got). It's for the same organization and everything, just in a different country. Then today, I was looking at jobs in Scotland and found an entry-level job that would train me to do exactly what I want to do (social science research)! Everybody cross your fingers for that one!

You may now call me Diplomat Kusems. Graduation was Saturday and it was good, but I was sad that I actually didn't get to spend much time with anyone other than Carina (though I adore Carina, so I was happy to be with her). Her mom and brother came and adopted me for the day, so we went for champagne near school, then a really fancy steak dinner in Fitzrovia. By dessert (cheese board!), I was three sheets to the wind. Then we went to the pub that had been designated as our class meet-up point for the evening, and no one was there! So instead, we went to Carina's friend's birthday drinks in Holborn.

So I mentioned the guy who was too chicken to ask for my number. Well, I agreed to go on a date with him, to give him a chance since I had no other romantic prospects. That date is tonight. But after graduation on Saturday, I met a very cute boy from Boston. We went out last night to see "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" (so funny!) and I had a really good time. I quite like this boy. I feel a bit bad for the guy tonight, because I'm going to have to let him down. I just think it's funny that I haven't been on a date in...longer than I want to admit, and now I have two in one week. Life is funny sometimes. Funny, but good.

BTW, I highly recommend Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, although I don't understand why they called it that. The brunette in the film gets just as much attention as Marilyn Monroe's character and they both do very well for themselves. Anyway, see it. It's cute!

News!!!

2010-03-11T03:44:00.001-08:00

So much to say! First off:

I HAVE BEEN GRANTED LEAVE TO REMAIN IN THE UK UNTIL 5 MARCH 2012!!!! Yaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy!!! (Also, the Royal Mail didn't lose my passport! Good work, guys!)

To celebrate, I stopped into T.K. Maxx to look for a belt (yes, that's a K and not a J; not entirely sure why they felt T.J. wasn't appropriate for the UK, or that T.K. wasn't appropriate for the US). Working at Brand A has made me obsessed with shopping, partly because I'm surrounded by gorgeous things that I can't have, and partly because I actually have to look nice and fashionable all the time, something my wardrobe has never had to contend with before. It needs just a touch of updating. So I bought a puka shell necklace, two shirts, and a weird but awesome knit belt from some charity shops yesterday.

£3.50 necklace
£6 top

£4.50 top

£1.99 belt

Then, at T.K. Maxx, I fell hopelessly, head over heels in love with a pair of shoes. Luckily, since they were in T.K. Maxx, they were not nearly as expensive as they would have been originally. Still, I did essentially spend the rest of my budget for the week on them (meant to last through Sunday). It's worth it, though. My love for these shoes is whole and complete, undeniable and unconditional. I can only hope I'll one day find a man about whom I feel the same way, but for now, I will concentrate my adoration on these shoes.

£24.99 shoes

Are they not the most beautiful things you've ever laid eyes upon? Yes, they are.

Also, bought a purple belt to go with my newish £10 Urban Outfitters dress.

£7.99 belt (more than I wanted to spend, but I liked
it more than anything else I've seen, so oh well)

Photos from Decades party

2010-03-11T03:00:00.000-08:00

Finally posting photos from the Decades party that took place weeks ago.

Maya in James's tweed jacket

James, looking a bit like Mark Twain

Someone borrows my camera to take pictures of people I don't really know...

And at the end of the night, I take a picture of my outfit because I realize that I forgot to do it before or during the party. This photo is minus one string of fake pearls, purchased for a pound at Primark, which broke during the party (the boy who is the love of my life, except that he's not interested in me and is dating someone else, helped me collect all the pearls off the floor; sigh...) I think the 20s suit me quite well. This party was the first time in my life that I felt like I was one of the prettiest girls in the room. I *heart* this dress ever so much. (Thanks for buying it for me, Ross and Sandra!!!)

I mean, really, how could he resist this???

Nerve-wracking!

2010-03-10T05:28:00.000-08:00

My passport and potentially new, two-year visa (or rejection letter, but I'm thinking positive) arrived yesterday, but there was no one home to sign for it, so it got taken back to the mail distribution center. Rather than try to deliver it again today, which would have been awesome because I'm actually home today, they have reabsorbed it into the mysterious abyss that is the Royal Mail. This terrifies me because Alex has had numerous packages lost because of this very same scenario (though Alex is followed around by a vortex of bad luck, so maybe this won't happen to me?) I have to wait 48 hours before I can go to the distribution center and pick it up. This makes me very, very nervous. Uuuuuuggggghhhhhh.

Everybody cross your fingers and pray that my passport (and potentially, visa) don't disappear into nothingness but are returned into my loving hands within 48 hours.

Chelsea and wellness

2010-03-09T16:09:00.000-08:00

Chelsea is like a different world. It's the nicest, most expensive part of London and people there are...well, different. The other morning, I had breakfast in Starbucks before my shift, and a group of school boys, probably 13 years old and all wearing matching riding gear, trotted down the main road on horses, led by their teacher. Horses!! In the middle of London, nowhere near a park!

The NHS (National Health Service) has come out with a series of advertisements (because apparently, people in this country don't use the free health service enough as it is?) I was particularly amused by a sign I saw on a bus the other night:

"Choking. Chest pain. Blacking out. Blood loss.
For symptoms of serious illness, and major accidents, choose A&E or 999 [the ER or 911]."

Everyone criticizes Americans for being dumb and uneducated, but the citizens of this country have to be told in bus ads to go the hospital when seriously injured! Who, when choking or bleeding profusely, doesn't think, "Maybe I should call emergency personnel?" And what kind of country has to advertise national health care? The posters might as well cry in block letters, "And don't forget, IT'S FREE!!! PLEASE USE US!"

The mind reels.

...and saboteur

2010-03-07T14:41:00.000-08:00

I didn't get the lab job. I kind of sabotaged the interview by not lying and giving them the answers I knew they wanted to hear. I sat with them and they described the job and my heart filled with dread. I would be doing very similar work to what I did before, and I got bored out of my mind with that. They asked why I was applying for a lab-based job when my degree was more epidemiology based, and I replied that I was applying for everything. They asked where I saw myself in the future and I responded that I didn't know. In my head, I was thinking "Hopefully not in your lab!" They gave me a tour of the lab, a typical mo bio lab, and I asked myself when I walked in, "Do you want to be back here? Do you feel the urge to pick up a pipetter and get to work?" The answer was a very unconvincing, "Maybe I could get back into it?"

So I'm relieved they didn't offer it to me. I know I can't afford to shun anything right now, but my heart can't afford to continue not doing what I want to do. I don't want to get sidetracked yet again from what I want to be doing. That is, of course, still a sort of nebulous idea, what I want to be doing, but I think it's mostly still nebulous because I lack the confidence to commit to it. I want to live, at least for a little while, in a developing country and do field research. There. That's what I want. I almost had an offer to go to Cambodia and do tuberculosis research (unpaid), but it was cruelly yanked away not long after. It would have been perfect, so it's lame that it fell through, but at least now I know what I consider "perfect." I have something to pursue.

Speaking of which, I should quit blogging and get back to the pursuit. Actually, I should quit blogging and go to sleep. Was at a house party last night and only got 5 hours. I think I'm almost old enough that I care more about sleep than socializing. Not quite, though. The house party was weird. It was a friend of a friend, and few people knew each other but the hostesses didn't make any introductions at all. So people only talked to the people they knew. There was no intermingling whatsoever. I went with James and I knew no one else. James spent half the time setting up the music playlist and I stood around looking helpless and awkward, waiting for somebody, anybody to talk to me. No one did, so I finally left and as I was leaving, I was cornered by a girl called Mary and a guy called Nathan. Mary was quite drunk and kept insisting that I stay, that no one has to work on Sundays, that work wouldn't miss me in the slightest if I failed to show up. Finally she changed tack and insisted that I'm come for Sunday roast with her family sometime. "They do the most amazing roasts! Our gravy is like an heirloom!" (She meant the recipe, not an actual heirloom jar of gravy.) "You must give me your number!" she insisted. I did so, assuming that she would be too drunk to remember any of this conversation and would never contact me.

So it was much a surprise to me when I received a text today, not from Mary, but from Nathan, who hopes I don't mind that Mary gave him my number and would I like to go for a drink sometime?

!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was all a set-up! Family roast. Pah! Heirloom gravy! They must have thought I was a right fool. She was just playing wing-man for a coward! Now I don't know what to say because I'm totally not interested. Ugh, have to figure that one out.

I had a really nice day with James prior to the party. It was my first Saturday off in absolute ages and I wanted to go to Portabello Road market. It was James's first time. I bought a pocket watch necklace (it was my intention to buy one) and also impulsively bought "The Poisonwood Bible" and "Diary of a Provincial Lady" for £2.50 each. I started reading "Diary" once at Holly's and it was really funny. Then we went to one of James's favorite cd shops and I bought M.I.A.'s first album for £3 and a Fats Domino 2-cd set for £1. I love buying used stuff for really cheap! It makes me happy. The happiness was slightly deflated, though, when I got home and realized Sara gave me M.I.A.'s first album ages ago, and it's been sitting dormant on my computer ever since. Whoops!

Quitter

2010-03-02T01:46:00.000-08:00

So, I've quit the pub job. Saturday night, I didn't sleep well because I was stressing about how I was gonna juggle two part-time jobs with odd hours. I want to give Brand A all of my availability because I don't want to limit the number of hours I get there. By Sunday morning, I had decided to quit, but was gonna save it for Monday morning. I was gonna tell them that I'd be happy to pick up shifts when I wasn't scheduled at the new job. Then I went to work Sunday, and the head chef berated me and insulted my intelligence. And it was for something that I hadn't even done. I welled up with tears and everyone saw it, all my coworkers, both my managers, the guy I have a crush on, probably some of my customers. I mean, they all sympathize with me and think the chef is a douche bag (except that British people don't know what a douche bag is), but I'm still embarrassed because no one else cries when he shouts at them. Just me.

When I got home Sunday night, I took a bath (shower's broken) and cried some more. This isn't completely surprising because I've been really tired and a bit burned out lately, and I always cry at the drop of a hat when I'm tired. I was in the bath, crying, debating whether I need the money badly enough to continue working at the pub. And I decided that the money isn't worth being verbally abused, and that it's time to move on with my life. No sooner had I thought this then a Bible story popped into my head, the one where Jesus tells his disciples that if any city doesn't welcome them, they should dust the dirt of the city off their sandals as they leave. I've never been much of an evangelical Christian; I've never tried to convert anyone, but I try to live a life that follows Christ's wisdom. I treat everyone with respect, I'm sweet to everyone, even when they're assholes, and so I don't think it's too much to ask that people return the favor. Anyway, cheesy story short, I quit. I haven't offered to pick up shifts. I might at some point offer this, but not just yet. I gave one week's notice, but since I'd already requested off the next two weeks, my last day is today. And the head chef is on vacation, so I don't have to deal with him. Sigh of relief.

Tomorrow, I start the new job and get to have roast with Izzi, so things are looking up!

Update

2010-02-22T03:41:00.000-08:00

I feel an update is in order.

Things at the pub have been weird lately. In a process no one really understands but which everyone suspects had a lot to do with the head chef, the owners of the chain more or less forced our general manager to resign. This is sad, as everyone loved the GM. I basically only went back to work there in January because I enjoyed working for him (and also didn't have any other job lined up.) The owners have also been a bit harsh to the assistant managers, who are also well-loved. The GM has been replaced by a guy who, so far, seems okay but who has a bad reputation and the head chef, who seems to have been behind everything, has been acting drunk off power lately. He loses his temper even more quickly than he used to and makes no apology. The other day, he yelled and swore at two different sets of customers. He yelled at me the other day because he kept making stupid mistakes. I'm afraid to ask him for anything. So work hasn't been quite as fun lately, and I've been looking for a way out.

You know that store I really love? The one with the beautiful clothes and homewares? The one that I applied for a job for back in September? We'll call them Brand A. Well, knowing that they are opening their second UK store in March, I decided to reapply and guess what? I got a job! Woohoo! It'll only be 15 hours per week, which is not nearly enough to pay for groceries, better yet rent, so I'll probably have to stay on at the pub until they bump me up in hours, but I'm really excited! I had induction yesterday which was long and tiring, but the managers all seem really sweet. They were talking about the new store. Apparently, the building it's in is the prettiest Brand A building ever.

Last year, Carina lived with her brother in Chelsea, which is super duper posh. She lived on a random residential road off a main street. Tucked into the armpit where her street met the main road, there was a pub and a dilapidated old building advertising an antiques market. I always noticed the antiques market and wondered if it was still in operation and what it was like inside, but I never saw it open so never got to check it out. Well, Brand A leased that old antiques market and refurbished it, and I'll now be working there! They say it's full of light that comes through original stained-glass windows, including a massive glass dome in the fitting room. There's also reportedly a pond and some trees inside the store. I'm slightly worried that I'm not high-class enough for this place! We'll see, I guess.

I also have an interview for a job at The School next week. It's for a lab-based job doing molecular biology, which I don't really want to be doing anymore, but it pays well and has to do with infectious disease, so it's a good opportunity. Wish me luck!

I really do have a life

2010-02-10T03:08:00.000-08:00

13 Jan: rearranged my room...again

14 Jan: The streets are littered with rejected Christmas trees

16 Jan: Mojitos with James

19 Jan: Tea with Alex and Holly

20 Jan: Simon and James's Top Ten Places to Visit in England

24 Jan: City of London walk with James

28 Jan: Senate House

29 Jan: Rejoice, rejoice! Jesus has returned, everyone! And you can have tea with him, but only on Mondays at 2pm.

3 Feb: Holly and her hat

5 Feb: Izzi's berfday tiramisu

My one true beauty

2010-02-10T02:23:00.000-08:00

Izzi complained the other day that I haven't mentioned her enough on my blog, even though I've been spending lots of time with her lately. I admitted that I've really only been writing when I'm upset about something, and she said that you were all going to get the wrong impression about my time in London. It's true. I'm still having a great time here, socializing a lot and making lots of merry. For example, last Friday was Izzi's birthday, and I had tons of fun with two-for-one cocktails and a really yummy Mexican dinner. They say that you shouldn't ever eat North American food in London, because Londoners just don't do it right, but I think they, whoever "they" are, are snobs. I've had tons of good Mexican here. La Perla, Benito's Hat, that Tex-Mex place in Notting Hill, and now Cafe Sol in Clapham. All delicioso.

I've been spending lots of time with Alex and with James as well (separately, though, which is odd because we're all friends with each other and we all keep hanging out separately in two's). I have an action-packed weekend, too. Thursday night is my flatmate's live music night (he organizes it and gets cool indy bands to come play), Friday is curry dinner and then Fabric (a popular London club that I've never been to before), and Saturday is a fancy-dress party. You're supposed to dress as your favorite decade, and since I have a beautiful new dress from Anthropologie that is sort of 1920s-esque, that's the decade I'm going for. I'm excited, but I have to work Friday am, Saturday am, and all day Sunday, so I can't go too crazy with the partying and staying out late. :-(

What I really want to talk about, though, is my new haircut. There's a salon in Camden that has a hair academy, and they give free haircuts to people willing to have their hair cut in front of a class. I decided to do this, as I've been wanting a change for a looooooooong time and figured these people would know what they were doing. I arrived on time and they left me waiting for about half an hour. Then a guy came up and talked to me about what I wanted, and decided he might do a long cut with more layers that would emphasize the natural texture of my hair. Then he left for seriously an hour. Then a different guy came out and said he would keep it long, but make it more edgy. He said my hair was a blank slate, and I realized that was exactly the problem. That's why I hated my hairstyle so much, because I felt like when people first saw me, they thought "blank slate, nothing much going on in there." When people actually start getting to know me, they often seem surprised to realize that I'm vibrant and engaging. So I was excited to have a hair style that would tell people that off the bat.

They washed my hair, then led me into the classroom. I was one of three models, and each of us had our own hairdresser demonstrating to the class what they were doing. My guy told the class, "her current style isn't doing much for her." I couldn't help laughing a bit. It felt good to see longs locks of my hair falling to the floor. I was so ready to shed my goody-two-shoes look. But I think that as he was cutting, he got a bit scissor-happy and decided to just keep going. He had said he was going to keep it long, but the end result is...well, kind of a mullet. The first thing I thought when I saw it was "Joan Jett." Alex gets Farrah Fawcett and I get Joan Jett. Great.

At first, I was pretty happy with it, but as the day went on, I started to get really self-conscious about it. The bangs look great and I LOVE them, but the long hair is just too thin. There isn't enough of it. Overall, though, people have been really complimentary of it. I expected to get ridiculed at work, but everyone seems to like it. Just not me. Oh well, I'll try out some different styles today and see if I can get it to where I like it.

I took some pictures, but they actually look better than the real thing! Which I suppose is good, as normally pictures of me look worse than the real thing. Anyway, here they are, in all their chestnut-y glory:

And the morning-after shot.

X-P

2010-02-01T11:38:00.000-08:00

I've totally failed on the photo-a-day thing. Totally. I'm sure no one is surprised, least of all me. Also, I'm failing on the positive thinking thing. Job hunting makes me crabby.

Life sucks. Adulthood sucks. I sent off my visa extension application today and was immediately filled with a sense of dread. I'm not sure if they'll accept my bank statements, which in the end I had to print off from my online summary of transactions. That's right. I waited 10 days for the bank to send them to me, and they never arrived.

Now I'm trying to finish my application for the Peace Corps, but I'm becoming more and more convinced that I'll be rejected. On their website, they give suggestions for how to be a more competitive applicant, and they say that you basically need 3-6 months of experience of working in the types of projects you'd want to do for the Peace Corps.

Okay, no. Positive thinking. I WILL be accepted. I AM a strong candidate. It will all be okay. Now I just need to repeat that until I start believing it...

18 Jan: Visa application

2010-01-18T09:19:00.001-08:00

18 Jan: Getting documents together for my visa extension application, including passport photos.

Sometimes, I really don't understand how this country works. Or rather, how it can function when it is so hopelessly inefficient.

I'm trying to submit my application for a visa extension before the end of this month. All I need are:

an application form completed by me
my passport with visa sticker inside
bank statements for the past three months
a letter from my school verifying that I went there and earned a degree
passport photos on a cream or light grey background

Easy, right? I emailed my school for the necessary letter on 30 December. They responded on 4 January, saying I had been placed in a queue and to please allow 15 working days for the task to be completed. Three freaking weeks to print up a form letter? Really???

Fine. Letter arrived today, so no big deal. In fact, I foolishly thought to myself that I would be able to send off the application today. I just needed to get the bank statements from the bank and get my photos taken. No problem.

The photos were easy enough. Only £5, though I look awful in them (it wouldn't be an ID photo if I didn't). At the bank, the teller informed me that she could give me statements without my name on them, but in order to get ones with my name on them, as is required by the Home Office, I would have to wait TEN WORKING DAYS. To have my name on them! They could give me a document with all the necessary information, except my name, right then and there, but to have my name on them, that requires special powers. My bank can't put my name on my statements for my accounts showing my money. Well, they can, but it'll take 10 working days. Why? Why why why?

12 Jan: Walking home

2010-01-13T06:07:00.000-08:00

It's still a bit early, but I think I've found what I want for my birthday. The world time zone clock and/or the yearly planner from this website, but especially the clock.

Last night I was walking home and realized I hadn't taken a daily photo. I had just been hanging out with friends I hadn't seen in a month, including Tanya, who I won't see again until April! The fact that I failed to take pictures is tragic but whatevs. Instead, I took a (fuzzy) picture of my walk home.

11 Jan: turkey ham

2010-01-11T12:06:00.000-08:00

Can someone please tell me what the hell turkey ham is? It contains no pork, only turkey, yet is pink. Why is it pink??? Is this something someone invented in order to trick children into eating a meat product they would otherwise refuse? Weird weird weird.

But yes, I did buy it. I'll let you know how it tastes.

I slept until 3pm today. I woke up at 12:30pm but couldn't think of a reason to get up, so just kept sleeping. I think I'm coming down with a mild head cold, so I'm using that as an excuse for sleeping so late. That's easier to handle than addressing the fact that I might be depressed. Or lazy. Or both.

Resolutions

2010-01-11T11:18:00.000-08:00

I never make New Year's Resolutions, mainly cuz I can't be bothered to make goals for myself. But this year, there were a few things I wanted to work on, so decided to make it official and call them resolutions.

1. THINK POSITIVELY!!!
2. Take a photo every day (or at least every week)
3. Something to do with cooking

I haven't decided on the last one yet, again because I can't be bothered to learn to cook properly (or I would have done it years ago). And making "learn to cook" a resolution is not very satisfying because how will I know, at the end of the year, if I've accomplished that? I need to set a measurable goal, like "cook dinner at least 3 times per week" or "try a new recipe every week." The first one isn't quite right, though, because I do cook that often, it's just super simple stuff like pasta or frozen food. And the second one is a bit too ambitious for me. It's not that I need a whole bunch of new recipes. It's that I need to focus on quality ones. So something like, "cook a healthy, quality meal at least 2 times per week" might be more achievable. I just need to make up a list of meals that are healthy and quality, but that are still relatively easy (because there is no getting around the fact that, when it comes to cooking, I am phenomenally lazy).

Okay, time to get back to applying for jobs. Peace out!

10 Jan: Kitty cat

2010-01-10T12:04:00.000-08:00

A kitty cat named Lizzy has come to stay with us for a week. She is a bit shy (aren't they all?) but very sweet and quite fluffy!

9 Jan: Fondue!

2010-01-09T11:54:00.000-08:00

For her birthday a year and a half ago, someone gave Carina a huge wheel of gruyere. Well actually, they didn't give the cheese then, they gave her the gift of the cheese-making process. Or something like that. They made the cheese for her, and shipped it to her on Saturday. Since it was massive (bigger than your head!) and smelly, she decided to get rid of it as soon as possible. This called for a big fondue party! She says she went from 10kg to 4kg, so I think that was pretty successful. She made us all drink lots of red wine to aid in the digestion, but I ended up being quite tipsy and still getting a stomach ache. It was worth it, though.

Carina didn't quite follow the recipe for the first batch, because it called for corn starch and she didn't know what that was. As a result, it wasn't stringy at all, just quite liquidy. Still delicious, though. She added corn starch for the second batch and it was parfait! This is the lumpy-looking first batch.

After the fondue party, I headed to my flatmates birthday party at a bar in Islington. I invited James and Simon along and we had fun dancing. I think I'm seriously addicted to these boys.

8 Jan: cemetery

2010-01-08T11:47:00.000-08:00

I live next to a charming little cemetery, which gives less of a sense of cemetery than a sense of park-with-old gravestones. It's nice! When it's open, I can cut through it from the tube station so that it only takes me 2 minutes to walk home. Sadly, they close it as soon as it gets dark (which at this time of year is pretty doggone early), and then I have to walk around it, which takes 10-15 minutes. On Halloween, the moon was really bright and made the cemetery look really cool and I was sad that it was locked up cuz it would have been fun to walk through it.

Anyhoo, here it is with snow on it!

Daily photos

2010-01-07T10:32:00.000-08:00

Okay, so my plan to take a photo every day failed on day one. And again on day 4. I knew I was going to struggle with this. I may decide to do a photo per week. That should still remind me of all the amazing things I will have done in the coming year. But for now, here's the start.

24 Dec: A triptych representing the frustration of trying to split the bill four ways, and the elation when the waitress does it for us.

25 Dec: Ready for the after-Christmas sales

26 Dec: Boxing Day

28 Dec: The Nutcracker
30 Dec: Panic

31 Dec: Happy New Year! aka How on earth did I get this drunk?

2 Jan: Sushi with Aleisha and Em

2 Jan: Bad hair day

3 Jan: Puppy!

5 Jan: Seven-hour layover in Calgary.

6 Jan: Home in London! (That's right, they let me back in!)

7 Jan: Rearranged my room

Photo diary

2009-12-24T12:09:00.001-08:00

In a store in West Seattle yesterday, I found a coffee table book by a guy who had taken a photo of an ordinary event every day for a year. I've been really stressed about the future lately...well, to be completely honest, I've always been really stressed about the future. The book made me remember a day this summer, when I was in Uganda. I was sitting on the lawn in the setting sun, listening to music on my iPod, feeling guilty because I had lived in England for a year and hadn't seen any of it, and now my year of study was coming to a close. I started looking through photos on my iPod, and before long, was realizing just how much I had accomplished in the past few years. I lived in France! Then I moved to London! I visited Dublin and Edinburgh and Amsterdam and Hamburg and Switzerland and Lyon! I hung out with people I adore, who make me laugh and smile! I got a Master's degree!

Looking through this book in West Seattle, I thought of the coming year. If I were to document each day of the next year with a photograph, where would I be in those photographs? What would I be doing and with whom? And for once, not knowing the answers to those questions filled me with hope instead of dread. Why? Because of this past year, and the years before. If I had documented every single day for the past year or the past five years, I would have a physical reminder of all the wonderful places God has taken me, and all the wonderful people I've met. The continents I've visited and cities I've seen. The next year may be horrible and lonely and dismal. I may not find a job. I may have to move home and live in my parents' basement. But probably not, and even if it is, that will be an adventure itself.

So I'm going to do an experiment. Starting January 1st, if I can remember and not get too lazy, I'm going to document the next year with a photo per day. I'm going to see where the next year takes me, whether it takes me to cosmopolitan cities, or to far-off corners of the world, or to the loving arms of my family. And a year from now, I'll know if all my worst fears have come to fruition, or if, once again, my worries were unnecessary.

Merry Christmas!

Weird day

2009-12-01T15:57:00.000-08:00

Weird day today. Not bad, just weird. Boys confuse me. Let's leave it at that.

Today being the first of December (oops, forgot it was World AIDS Day!), decorations arrived at the pub and I was recruited to help out (you know, since I'm a girl and all girls are great at decorations.) Apparently, head office instructed the general managers at all the chain pubs to have "a couple people come in an hour early to help decorate." Then they provided each pub with some of the shittiest-looking decorations in the world. A couple people and a spare hour were not nearly enough. We received two Christmas trees worthy of starring in A Charlie Brown Christmas Special, 4 sets of gharishly blue white lights, two long lengths of red ribbon (unknown purpose), several glass ornaments, some fresh-cut holly, a few thick branches off an evergreen tree, a couple wreaths to hang from our glass doors (?), and some bare willow branches spray-painted either silver or red and covered in matching glitter. All pieces which could have been elements of great Christmas decorations, if only the other elements were available and if only it was a much smaller pub. Also, no nails or staple guns were provided for affixing these random bits of trees to anything. That left a bunch of us with a bunch of messy but useless decorations. In the end, one of the managers went out and bought more supplies (including ribbon and more ornaments) which ended up making the place look way more festive than head office's supplies could.

More adventures in pubbery

2009-11-23T13:47:00.000-08:00

I had the day off on Saturday and wanted to do something fun, but almost everyone was out of town or busy. Tanya mentioned that she and her cousin were going to go to Greenwich market in the morning, so I asked if I could come along. I've been meaning to get back to Greenwich since Jacque and I visited last January. It's gorgeous and kind of really different from the rest of London. The Naval Academy and Royal Observatory are all about when Britain was Great, and Greenwich Park looks like a place Jane Austen characters would stroll through arm-in-arm.

Tanya's cousin decided not to come in the end, but Tanya and I had so much fun! It was a perfect day, but then the sun went down and we couldn't figure out what to do with the evening. No one was free. In the end, Tanya decided to head home which meant I had to go home, too, at 9pm on a Saturday, alone. Lameness galore.

And then I got stranded in effing Canary Wharf. The DLR train that's supposed to run from Greenwich to Bank (where I could get on the Tube home) was under construction and i had to get off at Island Gardens and take a replacement bus to Canary Wharf (where the Tube also runs). However, they failed to mention that the Jubilee line was closed, so Canary Wharf was more or less a dead-end. As I read a bus map trying to figure out how to get anywhere near a place with a functioning Tube station, it started raining. Found the bus stop: it was "not in use." It redirected me to the South Colonnade. Where the h*** is the South Colonnade???

I wandered around Canary Wharf for a while (it sounds worse than it is, if you're imagining me wandering around an actual wharf with docks and stuff. It's the business center of London with a high concentration of skyscrapers belonging to Citibank and BoA et al. Lehman Brothers used to be based there.) Anyway, it was deserted. I found what I thought was the bus stop on the South Colonnade, just barely missed the bus I wanted, and waited for the next one. When it came, the bus driver informed that I was at the wrong stop, but he very kindly drove me over to the right one. Anyway, I got home eventually, but was very annoyed with the sheer lameness of my Saturday evening. Boo.

Sunday was better, though. Tanya and I went to the National Gallery with James (see last entry), despite the fact that none of us were all that interested in the art on display (meh). I got there first, and despite some light rain, decided to wait in Trafalgar Square and look at tree stumps someone had placed there. The light rain quickly turned to the clouds POURING THEIR BITTER, ACHING SOULS OUT IN ORDER TO SOAK ANY INNOCENT PASSERS-BY IN THEIR MISERY AND DISCOMFORT! Or as the British call it, "pissing rain." I spent the next 4.5 hours with my feet marinating in the rainwater trapped in my shoes. James arrived with his trousers soaked all the way up to his waist. We had lots of fun, though, and then I went to work. After work, a bunch of people stayed around and we all got hammered. Fun! This time, I was very wary of getting drunk, because I had to work the next morning. I tried to refuse the Jaegerbomb that was offered to me. In fact, I tried to leave but was picked up and placed back on my stool by the general manager. When the second shots were poured, I tried harder to leave, so one guy grabbed my arms, the manager grabbed my legs, and lovely Jo, who had moments before promised that I didn't have to drink anymore, poured the shot down my throat. Later, when the third round of shots were passed around, I realized that I needed a new tactic. They weren't taking "no" for an answer, so I didn't say no. I took the shot from them, took a deep breath, and threw it back. Over my shoulder. "Seattle!" the general manager barked in a warning tone. "That stuff'll take the polish off the floors!" Well then it's not something I want my liver to have to battle, is it?

Finally, around 3am, my coworker, Julian, decided that he was drunk enough and needed to go home, so I took my chance to escape. "Good luck getting out the locked doors, Seattle," the GM called. Ha! Thank goodness someone showed me the secret back way on Friday night! I escaped into the night, dragging a drunk Julian behind me.

Care package!!

2009-11-18T04:18:00.000-08:00

EEEEeeeeekkk!!! I'm so excited! My care package from Pops and Michele arrived today! It has candy and yarn and cheez-its and a be-yoooooooooo-tiful Fossil wallet! Best of all, it has homemade jam!

Last night, my friend, Aparna, invited me to a poetry night. Poetry generally makes me cringe, but I like hanging out with Aparna, and Alex was going, so I went. The room was packed and we were too late to get seats, so we stood. Also, the room was about 98 degrees F, so by the end of the first half, we were all swooning a bit. But it was so fun! Some of the poetry was annoying and made me roll my eyes, but some of it was really good. After the first act, Aparna and her man left for home so Alex and I went to dinner at My Old Dutch pancake house with Aparna's friends, Simon and James (I had the Amsterdammer, which has apple and ham; soooooo yummy!). I heart Simon and James. I met them a couple weeks ago at Aparna's birthday party and they're really great guys. They're flatmates, and they admitted over dinner that they read Keats out loud to each other over the dining room table. Too funny!

All in all, an excellent night. And what with this care package, today is off to a good start as well! At 5pm, I have my interview. I should probably be more nervous about it, but that won't help me. In fact, nerves make me do worse in interviews. I'm just gonna be myself and hope they like it. Afterwards, it's dinner with the old crew to say goodbye to Claire, who has managed to get herself a posting in Cambodia! Congratulations and best of luck to her, but I will miss her. She is a lovely, sweet girl and I enjoy just chatting and hanging out with her.

Life at the moment

2009-11-16T06:37:00.001-08:00

Thanksgiving at the farm was wonderful, but too short. We arrived around noon, ate at 6, and left at 9. We didn't even play any games in the field! Sad. Still, the food and the company were divine. I was really looking forward to trying Alex's sweet potato biscuits, but she said they were burnt and she wouldn't give me any even though I begged. The rest was fantastic, though, even the turkey! No one wanted to do the turkey, and we decided it would take too long to do one anyway, so Alicia found three large turkey breasts at the grocery store that came pre-seasoned and we cooked those instead. She cooked them in special cooking bags with the result that the turkey was nice and moist. Still not my favorite meat, and nowhere near as good as ham (nothing is), but very nice. Sadly, I forgot my camera, and so did Carina and Alicia. That left Alex to take pictures on her phone, and she always takes months to post pictures.

Remember how I mentioned last week that I applied for two jobs? Well, I got an interview for the unpaid admin job. It's a sad state when I get excited about an interview for an unpaid job, but I've applied to several unpaid jobs now and not received an interview for any of them. So this is good. Plus, the whole point of doing these internships is to get a foot in the door of an organization doing the work I want to do. So yeah. Woohoo! Wish me luck!

2009-11-15T07:22:00.000-08:00

I got a letter from Becky! I got a letter from Becky!

I'm coming home

2009-11-12T15:27:00.000-08:00

Today, on my break between shifts, I headed down to the £1 store where I discovered a decent sized Toblerone bar for £1. Heck yes please!

Due to scheduling issues, I will not be visiting Alex in Atlanta this holiday season. Alas, another time perhaps. I came home from work tonight and FINALLY bought my ticket home! Woohoo! I'm really excited to come home. I've been ready for it since September. I'll be home for nearly 4 weeks. You're all gonna hate me by the time I leave again! Though Pops will love me cuz I plan to take (almost) all my crap out of his basement.

Thanksgiving is Saturday (ok, I know that's not true) and I'm really excited about it. It appears that almost no one is going to be able to make it, but I don't care. The more intimate, the better, right? Actually, I wouldn't care if no one came. It's taking place at the Farm and I jump at any excuse to escape London for Sussex. One day, I'm just gonna show up at Holly's parents' house with all my personal belongings and settle in. But I know I'd be bored out of my mind within three days. But I'd be bored while surrounded by Cath Kidston, and that ain't so bad, man.

I heart TB

2009-11-10T12:58:00.000-08:00

Alright, I'm feeling good. I just sent my CV to two organizations advertising jobs. One of them is for an unpaid internship that would involve me doing secretarial work (eh), but the other is an advocacy job related to TB. I'd really like to hear back about that one, although they want the position to start December 7. How about January 7th? I'm also starting an application for...the Peace Corps. I know Mama was worried back when I was 18 that I was gonna run off and join the Peace Corps, but ten years on, I'm still a bit hesitant. I don't know why. I know I want to work in the developing world but I have no experience so can't get jobs. The Peace Corps is the perfect solution. I just need to friggin' apply.

Have I mentioned lately that I love TB? Cuz I do. It's my pet disease. It's so fascinating. Did you know it kills more people annually than any other infectious disease? (Yes, even more than HIV/AIDS.) Yet it's 100% curable with drugs that we've had available for 60 years. In those 60 years, rather than see a decline in incidence, we've seen a rapid, unchecked increase to the point that WHO declared TB a public health emergency a couple years ago. Granted, this is mainly because of the rise of HIV/AIDS, but still. It's curable, if the systems are in place to provide adequate treatment (which they aren't).

Anyway, speaking of December and January, I still haven't bought plane tickets home for Christmas. I did spend a while online today, though, figuring out when is best to fly and how much it'll be. I'm basically just waiting on Alex to see if she'll be home in Atlanta in January so I can visit her. Either way, I'll be in Seattle for the same amount of time.

Team meeting

2009-11-08T15:28:00.000-08:00

Work meeting=suckiness. Though we were fed a whole roast pig, so I can't really complain.

So the tipping system at this pub (and in London in general) is very confusing and I still don't really understand it. There's a 12.5% service charge put on all bills and this is distributed to all staff on a points-based system (did I already explain this?) Sometimes, people add an extra tip. I was under the impression that these extra or "cash" tips joined the same pot as the service charges. But around the time that I started working there, the company was losing money because some people were apparently stealing stock. To compensate for the loss and punish everyone, they kept all cash tips. Then they caught and fired a couple people and since then, we've been making and not losing money, so now they're going to start giving us the tips again (by adding them to the same pot as the service charge).

That totally sucks, but whatever. What can you do? The meeting also consisted of criticism of the waitstaff and some arguments between we waitstaff and the kitchen staff, and the general manager singling out one girl as the source of all complaints we receive. He actually turned to her and said, "I don't receive many complaints, but the ones I do receive are all about you." Harsh! Then they told us to be happy and enjoy our jobs. Thanks guys!

On the bright side, they said that people who go home for Christmas may not have a job in January, which saves me the trouble of having to quit. Yay!

To be honest, though, I do enjoy certain aspects of working there. I like the people I work with, and the GM is cool, and there is something satisfying about serving tables. When I leave at the end of a shift, I'm never down or depressed or upset. But at the same time, I dread going in for shifts. Especially evening ones, when I've had a nice day of hanging out with friends and I have to say goodbye to them and go expose myself to potential criticism from managers who don't have a clue how many different things I'm trying to do at once.

I realize I'm complaining about work, and work is a fact of life. I've totally forgotten about my goal of being less negative. Okay, here's my attempt to be positive: I only really have to work there another month, and then in January I can start over again trying to find something I'll like better! Onwards and upwards!

Now I'm applying for yet another job I don't qualify for (how many applicants are they gonna get who speak Kiswahili?) Wish me luck!

Just for fun, here are some pictures of Holly's birthday in the 100-acre woods.

Halloween and Bonfire Night

2009-11-06T18:15:00.000-08:00

Ugh, I hate doing catch-up blogs. Recapping is so dull.

Halloween was good. Well, the day before Halloween, anyway. Izzi and Tim and their flatmates had a party and it was super fun. Izzi and Tim are lovely and all their friends are lovely, too. I recycled my Tinkerbell costume from this summer. Izzi was Lara Croft and she looked AMAZING! Tim was a black knight made out of cardboard boxes. I was impressed with the ingenuity involved in making it (credit to Izzi). Guys, if you're reading, we need to hang out more often!

On Halloween night, I had to work. Massive frowny face. I got to work to find that the restaurant part of the pub wasn't even open, so they didn't really even need me. As there were at least four places I would rather have been, I was annoyed when I got roped into helping out with a Halloween party going on in our function room. I ended up running up and down stairs all night until midnight. At the end of the shift, the boss offered drinks to me and a couple of the bartenders. I agreed to a half pint of cider (living large). When they all finished their pints and went for another round, I declined. On their third round, I decided to have another half pint. I was good until that point. Then the boss started pouring shots. It started with a Jaegerbomb. Then there was something called a Cypress Lovely. I don't remember what the third one was called cuz I was already long gone by that point. By the time I headed home, it was about 4am. I'm not sure how I made it home (it is only a 10 minute walk), but I know the trip involved a stop-in at the gas station, where I purchased a sandwich and a bag of Kettle chips. I ate these when I got home, then vomited them straight back up. I was then "sick" several more times and sat on the bathroom floor making pathetic noises. Around 5am or so, my flatmates came home and Mel very sweetly helped me into bed. I didn't wake up until 11:20 when I received a call from work that I was 20 minutes late. Ugh. It was a long and painful day in which I stifled the urge to puke several times.

Thursday night was Bonfire Night (aka Guy Fawkes Day). It was AWESOME! I went with Holly to a small, charming town in Sussex called Lewes that is famous for its annual Bonfire Night parade. It's a very confusing tradition that I'm too lazy to look up on Wikipedia, but they basically memorialize some people (11? 17? can't remember) who were burned at the stake back in the 1550s for disagreeing with the Catholic queen, Mary I (she was kind of a bitch). While they're at it mourning over the martyrs, they also denounce the pope and police officers, celebrate the death of Guy Fawkes, pay homage to marginalized populations all over the world including Native American Indians, and dress up as smugglers. Why? Don't ask why. This is England and things don't have to make sense.

Holly and me with my toffee apple

Okay, I've given in and checked Wikipedia, though they have surprisingly little insight to give. Here's a better review. There were 17 Protestant martyrs. It's the biggest Bonfire Night celebration in the whole country. Every year, they burn effigies on their five massive bonfires. In 2001, they sparked controversy by burning Osama Bin Laden. In 2003, even more controversy when they burned a gypsy caravan (apparently, some gypsies had recently moved into the area and the locals weren't pleased). Last year, they burned Prime Minister Gordon Brown and no one batted an eyelash. We missed the effigy burning this year, but some effigies were paraded through town beforehand and they included bankers and MPs (there's been massive controversy here over Parliamentarians who have been using tax dollars to fund their lavish lifestyles. One guy claimed expenses for his moat to be cleaned.)

Basically, the Lewes celebration is a big, anarchic celebration of the right to be Protestant and the right to burn things. Firecrackers were everywhere, with parade participants routinely lighting small but powerful "bangers" whose blasts shook the sidewalks and made my ears hurt. I was surprised I hadn't lost my hearing by the end. It was jolly good fun, indeed! (P.S. Toffee apples are NOWHERE NEAR as good as caramel apples.)

Dude, I just found the Picasa iPhoto uploader! My life just got so much easier. Here you go, photos of Bonfire Night to amaze you. Also, photos of Halloween that I stole from other people (as a result, they are all photos of me).

On the other hand

2009-10-28T14:06:00.001-07:00

Oh, but I just remembered that I got paid today, so I'm currently the proud owner of £129 in cash. And I don't have to work all day tomorrow. It's gonna be okay.

Five degrees

2009-10-28T13:46:00.000-07:00

I am currently five degrees of separation away from Zach Braff. I live with a guy who is sort of managing a musician who is dating a singer who is staying at Zach Braff's house while touring with Josh Radin, Zach Braff's best friend. Nifty, huh?

Tonight, I got scolded pretty badly at work. It was humiliating...and all a mistake. I was off at 7, so when another waiter signed on at 7, I headed out the door. I was a few steps away from the pub when the manager on duty called me back and asked who I had asked if I could leave. I hadn't told any managers I was leaving, so I stammered an apology. He berated me for a little while, and then I asked if it was okay if I leave, and he said normally it would be, but he was actually training another girl so he needed me on the floor. This was all said very angrily. So I followed him back into the pub with my tail between my legs, past the general manager and all the people I'd just said goodbye to, took off my sweatshirt and hung up my purse, and went downstairs to grab my apron out of the laundry basket. I went back upstairs and started tying my apron on while looking for my till key when the MOD came back in saying, "I'm so sorry, I didn't realize you were scheduled to be off at 7." He was embarrassed and felt like a jackass and told me I could of course leave, so I did. But all the way home, my heart was pounding. I feel like the jackass, but maybe that's just because I hate being scolded. I know there's something psychologically wrong with me that instead of focusing on the fact that I did nothing wrong, all I can focus on is the fact that I got scolded, but I don't know how to change that. Ugh, what a horrible feeling.

I came home and decided I needed a drink, but the opener thing on my can of pear cider broke off so I had to jam it open with a spoon...did not help my stress level.

So now it's just before 9pm and I'm alone and a little bit tipsy. But not happy tipsy. Stressed and PMS tipsy. Not quite so fun. Perhaps another episode of Gossip Girl will cure that.

Friends and family day!

2009-10-22T08:16:00.000-07:00

Today was a very special day. An historic day, really. Today, the first Anthropologie in the United Kingdom opened its doors and cash registers to friends and family of employees. Since I am the significant other of an employee (wink wink), I got to go and preview the store. Woohoo!

I was going to do a whole photo story for you lovely folks back home, but then I forgot my camera. So I did one afterwards! I carefully thought out my wardrobe (okay, not that carefully, but you can see that I made an effort).

In the next photo, imagine that I'm pointing out a giant papier mache sperm whale hanging from the ceiling (but made with fabric instead of paper).

Now imagine that this picture of my bed is actually a picture of gorgeous Anthropologie bed set atop several logs of firewood (yes, the London Anthrop is catering to those Londoners who live out in the woods).

(New sheets courtesy of Patricia and Lars! I'll miss you guys.)

To be perfectly frank (am I ever anything else?), I found the store slightly disappointing. I guess I was expecting something more like the downtown Seattle store, but this is Regents Street in London, where everything is polished and top quality. While they sold the same items I'm used to and the store was full of artsy touches (i.e. giant sperm whale), I found it a bit too fancy for my tastes. I mean, that's not to say I won't be spending lots of time and money there!

I didn't buy anything today because my S.O. forgot to grab my special discount card, but I did identify several items that I simply can't live without. Well, I suppose I could live without them, but I am going to buy a very pretty (and horrifically overpriced) t-shirt for work. It's a marginally reasonable price with the discount.

Oh yeah. I have a job. Waitressing. Ugh. I looked for waitressing jobs because I didn't realize just how ridiculous the tipping system is in this country. I'll have to see whether the amount I make is actually worth the stress.

Here is me with empty hands (my wallet is happy).

Preemie head size

2009-10-07T15:37:00.000-07:00

How big is a premature babies head? Or rather, just how small?

My favorite organization ever, Partners in Health, sent out a call for knitted caps to put on the heads of babies born in their clinic in the mountains of Rwanda. Of course, I couldn't resist, and promptly took up needles and wool to knit a hat using the pattern for preemies. But I'm not sure it's supposed to be this small.

Is a preemie baby's head as small as my fist? Or just larger than the top of a water bottle?

I hung out with Izzi and Tim and all their school buddies last week. I had a great time, but ended up going to a pub with a random boy who then asked me if he could be homeless on my floor. Weird. Tim mentioned that he enjoyed it when I referred to him on my blog and I said, "When did I mention you? Oh, you mean a year ago?" But then he said he hadn't read my blog in a while, so I promised I'd mention him so that he'd start reading it again. He specifically asked that I mention his [something] face, but now I can't remember what adjective he used. Pretty? Sexy? Funny? So there you are Tim, I have mentioned your pretty/sexy/funny face. Now you're like a celebrity!...among my mom and my sisters.

Karma

2009-10-01T15:57:00.000-07:00

Two updates in one day! Wowsers! I must be really bored.

Yes, in fact I am really bored! I've been very needy as a result, constantly texting my friends to see who wants to come play with me. No one ever does :-(

Just kidding. I saw Holly this afternoon. She's moved back home to Sussex, so I don't see her as often as I used to, though she comes in to London a few days a week. I went in to school to meet her, and we discovered that the school had cleared out all the lockers to make room for next year's students. The put all the stuff people had left in their lockers on top of the lockers. Now, I never got a locker cuz I lived so close to school, but Alex had a locker. They were supposed to clear them out and return their keys weeks ago, but Alex never did. Her locker was jam-packed, as full as it could possibly be, and even had some of Holly's stuff in it. So Holly grabbed her own stuff from the top of the lockers, and we texted Alex to tell her. The stuff she had in there was data she'd collected for her summer project in Africa, so was kind of important.

I hung around the area for a little while doing some shopping, but as I was about to head home (which is now far from school), Alex texted back and said her stuff was really important and could I just pop it back into the locker. Well, no, the point of them cleaning out the lockers was so your stuff wouldn't be in there anymore! So I decided, since it was important to her (and I was mean and hurt her feelings on Saturday so owed her), I would grab the stuff and take it home with me. It only weighed, oh, 80 pounds. My arms feel like jelly. Er, jell-o. Dammit, those Brits are getting to me with their weird words!

But here's the thing: what goes around, comes around. As I was lugging a hundred pounds of Alex's stuff across London without her realizing it, she was listing me as her significant other so that I would have access to her amazing employee discount at Fancy-pants Store Which Must Not Be Named. Score!! I get my own card and everything, and no, I can't let you use it or Alex gets fired, just like that. So if anyone asks, I am dating Alex.

Yes/No

2009-10-01T03:58:00.001-07:00

I'm trying to have a more positive outlook on life. Becky has been picking on me for years for always immediately saying "no" to stuff without giving it a chance. Recently, Alex told me that she was talking to our friend, Kate, and said "Kusems doesn't like the second Harry Potter book," to which Kate responded, "Does Kusems like anything?" Alex meant it as a funny anecdote, but it is definitely something I need to work on, the fact that I complain about everything and reject most things outright. Alex suggested the other day that the kind of boy I need is a Southern gentleman, and I scoffed outright before even hearing her out (also before remembering that she's Southern, so to scoff at Southern things is a bit of an insult to her).

There's a story arc in the British show "Skins" (fantastic show, by the way!) in which two of the characters make a deal with each other that they will be more positive. One of them is required to say "yes" to everything presented to her. So I've been thinking about that lately and I decided I need to stop saying "no" to things right off the bat without giving them a chance.

I went and dropped off resumes at a few local bars on Monday, and one of them asked me to return Tuesday for an interview. The interview consisted of the manager telling me that I have way too many brains and talking really fast about nonsense. He told me that he was having to prosecute some of his "Eastern European" employees for sticky fingers. The only question he asked me was whether I thought I could manage not to rob the till. I thought I could manage. So he had me back in yesterday for a three-hour trial shift, and at the end, he offered me a job. It's minimum wage and it's doubtful I'll make any tips (I made 6 pence in tips in three hours yesterday). I said I'd take it and he told me to come in today with passport and work visa and bank account info to set up direct deposit.

I was all ready to do that, but this morning, I chickened out. Going back to my new positive outlook, I tried to talk myself up and say, "Just do it. If you get a higher paying job next week, you can leave this one." But my gut was fighting it. It didn't feel right. I called Holly because she is imminently wise, even though I knew what she was going to say, and in the end, I called the guy and told him I wasn't gonna take the job. I felt a bit bad for saying "no" instead of "yes" in the end, but then I realized that I had given it a fair chance. I said "yes" to begin with when I dropped off the resume and did the trial shift. And I feel infinitely more peaceful knowing I don't have to go back into that place and work. (It was a super cheap sports bar, though decorated nicely enough, full of elderly alcoholics.) It wasn't right for me. I'm pretty sure I can do better and earn more.

Also, he wanted me to come and work on Sunday because it's a football game day, and I completely forgot that Sunday is Holly's birthday party. I knew her birthday was Sunday, and I knew I'd be working Sunday, and I've thought and talked about both without ever realizing they were the same day. Space cadet.

Okay, this means I need to drop off more resumes. TTFN!

Swifty

2009-09-30T11:50:00.000-07:00

Holly took Alex and me to Bath last week (finally!) She used to live and work there, and her two cousins lived there with her, but one of them is moving to Australia, so she had a big "leaving do" (going away party). The city is GORGEOUS! if a bit resort-y. At the party, I started chatting to a bobsledder who went by the name "Swifty," and then we danced together. I think he could tell it wasn't gonna go anywhere, though, and as soon as the lights came up, he bunked off. Fine, whatever.

And then last night Holly received a text from her cousin that said:

"Kusems snogged Swifty!"

Has a charming ring to it, doesn't it? Holly turned to me and asked, "Did you snog Swifty?" We had already discussed the whole evening, and she'd been there anyway, but I reassured her that I had not, in fact, snogged Swifty. Still, I think that sentence will haunt me forever. He couldn't have been called Jack or Tom or Louie, could he? It had to be Swifty. There had to be a question of whether I had or had not made out with someone called...Swifty.

He was cute, though. And ripped.

Hey, look at me!

2009-09-15T15:41:00.000-07:00

I moved into my new home today! The move went very smoothly thanks to wonderful helpers (Alex, Patricia, and Lars). I must apologize to Alex for doubting that she was going to wake up and arrive in time, when in fact, she arrived 10 minutes early.

My new housemates are so cool. We had dinner together and sat and chatted for awhile. Part of me felt like this was completely natural and comfortable and normal, and another part of me had to keep reminding the first part that in fact, it's totally out of character for me. This isn't normal! This isn't something any of my family members would do (except Amy when she went to live in the dorms). But I feel good about it, and I hope that feeling lasts a long, long time.

I'm attempting to turn over a new, positive-thinking leaf. My new housemate asked if I had any food allergies or preferences for dinner tonight, and I wrote back that I don't eat any beans (except green beans) and that I'll eat fish, but no other kinds of seafood. But before I hit send, I thought, "She's not going to make seafood. Seafood is expensive." So I deleted that part of the sentence. You can imagine my horror when I sat down to dinner and saw shrimp mixed in with the pasta. Too late to object now, silly, you'll have to grin and eat it. So I did. And you know what? It was alright. Do you see? Do you see what I'm turning into? Some sort of adventurous, take-things-in-stride sort of girl! Living with strangers! Eating shrimp! What will I do next, get body piercings? Bungee jump? Goodness no. Oddly, though, a couple nights ago I think I accidentally agreed to have a lesbian threesome with Carina and her friend. Oops!

(Don't worry, Dad, I won't follow through!)

And then God smiled on me...

2009-09-11T13:39:00.000-07:00

...but it was a mean, malicious smile accompanied by a dastardly chuckle that said, "Let's see how she gets herself out of this one!"

Okay, I shouldn't be so mean to God. He is being pretty good to me.

You know how I was positive I wasn't going to get that flatshare? I was wrong. She emailed me Thursday lunch to say they liked me and wanted me to move in. Joy! Ecstasy! Relief! I responded that I was super happy, they were my first choice, I love you I love you I love you. And then Thursday night, Juliana texted me to say that her friend isn't taking her room, it's available to me after all...Oh joy. Oh ecstasy. Oh crap, I have a tough decision to make. I made a pros-cons list. I discussed with John, Alex, and Holly (Carina didn't answer my text message). Holly said that she thought I knew deep down what I wanted and she was right. In a perfect world, this girl lives alone. Or with a hot, intelligent, wonderful boyfriend, but you know what I mean.

So I woke up this morning and called Juliana's landlord to see what I needed to do to get her adorable Notting Hill studio. After some emails back and forth, he informed me that I had to have a UK landowner as a guarantor. Right, dealbreaker. I called Juliana. She told me I needed to upsell the fact that I'm still technically a student and that I have money from the American government. They are my guarantors! She talked to him and he seemed okay with it, so I called the flatshare girl and broke the bad news that I wasn't going to be living with them even though I'd already said I would. Then I went to the landlord's office to finalize the deal.

Forty-five minutes later, I walked out with nothing. It was like trying to buy a used car. "Well, my director won't like this," "My director won't like that." "You're a liability." I had agreed to pay three months up front, plus 10 weeks deposit (a heck of a lot of money, but I have it.) Could I get my parents or someone in America to guarantee me? Maybe, but I'm 27 years old and I shouldn't have to do that. Fine, we'll do. I start filling out an application. He goes to photocopy my passport. "Do you want me to photocopy your national insurance card as well?" I've never worked in the UK, so I don't yet have an NI number/card. "Ooh, 'fraid that's a dealbreaker. Also, that huge wad of money I've just asked you to pay? That's not gonna clear until Thursday at the earliest. When did you want to move in? Tuesday? Hm, too bad, here's your passport back."

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuugggghhhhh.

I walked across the street to Hyde Park and sat down. Must get advice from someone. Carina's at a festival on the Isle of Wight. Alex is MIA. Tanya left for Guinea Bissau today. Family is only just waking up. I called Holly (not that she was my last choice) and she said to call the flatshare people back and beg them to let me come back. The worst they can do is say no, right? So I did, and she was lovely and said it was alright, I could still live with them. But I felt like a moron and a spaz and an unreliable git. I was sitting in the park feeling this way, wishing Alex was around or answering her phone (since I was in her neighborhood). I got up to go get some lunch and a runner a little ways off caught my eye. "Wow, that girl really looks like Alex." Granted, I was in her neighborhood and she does go running in Kensington Gardens, but what are the chances, in a city with so many people, that I would look up and see the one person I most wanted to talk to? She started jogging away from me, so I ran to catch up, not wearing running gear and carrying a purse and a bag, not to mention the fact that I was shaky from having waited too long to eat lunch. But she slowed to a walk and I huffed and puffed and finally caught up to her.

I told her the whole story and it felt good to talk about it. We spent the rest of the afternoon together and it was wonderful as usual. I love this girl. I'm sad I don't get to live a block away from her, but it's probably for the best because I'm sure she'd get sick of me always tagging along. She made a good point yesterday when I was agonizing over which one to pick. She said that if she had to do this year again, she'd live with other people instead of alone. Other people could motivate her to get out of bed before noon and go out and do fun stuff. And you have a wider circle of acquaintances. This is a new adventure for me, and I'm looking forward to it.

However, we were supposed to discuss details tonight but the girl isn't answering her phone. Now I'm nervous that my flip-flopping made her change her mind and think I'm unreliable. They are taking on a risk by letting me live with them, as I don't have a job yet and I'm not a student anymore. Then again, maybe I'm just being paranoid. Where things stand, though, it's not so bad. If I can't move in there on Tuesday, Kate has offered her studio to me while she's in Italy. And if it falls through entirely, Anita's houseshare has a double room available for really cheap. So I won't be homeless. God's still got my back.

Woes

2009-09-09T13:51:00.001-07:00

Uggggghhhh...I went to see that flat. I loved it! It's wonderful and the two people living there are wonderful, but I have a sixth sense that they are not going to pick me. I just know it. Intuition or something. Poo. Pooooooooooooooo.

One of them holds a world record for organizing the biggest zombie crowd ever (or something like that). The king of the zombies was Noel Fielding. There is no way that the guy who holds the world record for biggest zombie get-together, which starred Noel Fielding, is going to want to live in the same house as me. Yes, it's true that they responded to my initial email because they were intrigued by my obsession with tuberculosis and me mentioning knitting as one of my hobbies didn't deter them either, but I'm just not cool enough to live with these people. And they won't let me know until Friday, but I'm supposed to respond to these other people tomorrow. What to do??? I don't want to settle for anything less than the best, but what if the best won't settle for me?

No, that's not the right attitude. I have never yet been forced to live in a place I didn't love. I can do this. I can find my sanctuary. It's out there somewhere.

Flat-searching SUX!

2009-09-09T04:08:00.000-07:00

I've been super clingy lately. I get upset when my friends aren't online or when I can't hang out with them because they're doing other things. How dare they have lives of their own! I just want to tag along everywhere they go like a little puppy.

The apartment search is going so-so. I went to see one yesterday. The room was gorgeous, the neighborhood was awesome, but it would be living with a 40-something woman who owns the house and has it decorated her way. I get the impression that what she's looking for is a quiet student who will stay out of the way. I can be that, but I don't want to. I want to spread out in the place I'm living. I want to make it mine a little bit. Or a lot bit. Though the room was really nicely decorated, the contract she wants me to sign says that I won't put anything up on the walls. I know I'm being picky and I have limited time to find a place, but it's important to me to be happy where I'm living for the next year. I may be a nomad these days, but that doesn't mean I want to live as if I'm just waiting for next year, or the year after that. I want to live my life now.

Anyway, I'm viewing another flatshare tonight. The two people living there sound cucky (sp?) and fun, so we'll see. It's in the same area as yesterday's, which I really liked. The room isn't as charming, though, but I could make it charming. It's more of a blank slate. We'll see.

No job, no flat=loser

2009-09-07T11:31:00.001-07:00

Sadness. Alex's friend with the wonderful room just told me that she's giving her apartment to her friend. Now I actually have to make an effort to find a place and, oh, guess what? I have to move by next Tuesday. How did that sneak up on me like that? So no wonderful flat, no wonderful job. Yet. I shan't give up hope just yet, right? Sad, though.

I'm a little bit panicked, but I have to keep reminding myself that I won't be homeless. I have friends with couches. Where I'll store my 10 boxes of stuff, I don't know, but I'll figure it out if worst comes to worst. Which it won't. I'm sure.

Yeah, so, I sort of have a master's degree

2009-09-05T02:47:00.001-07:00

After a year of studying, three months of working on my master's dissertation project, and two weeks straight of sitting on my ass staring at my computer screen, I am officially done with my master's program. It is just about the most anticlimactic feeling ever. Both of our course directors decided to go out of town for this stressful and momentous time, so there was no official party plan or anything. It's just...over. We don't get our results until December and we don't officially graduate until March (don't ask why; these British are crazy).

I am no longer a master's degree student. However, I don't technically have a master's degree. But you can all still call me Master Kusems (or Mistress Kusems, if you prefer).

In other news, I completely blew my Anthropologie group interview. They sent me an email saying that my skills and experience were impressive, but they've decided to go with another candidate (several others, actually, including Alex). In other words, my skills and experience are impressive, but in person, I am not. I'm upset not so much because I wanted the job, but because I KNOW I could do the job really well yet I didn't show them that. I didn't make that clear. I didn't even realize it myself until after I flubbed the interview.

Oh well. Moving on. Moving on with everything. I'm in a scary place in my life right now, living off borrowed money with no job prospects and no clear idea of which way to turn. A more adventurous person would be thrilled by the freedom and promise of it all. I am not a more adventurous person, but I am trying to be. I'm trying to think on the bright side. The world is my oyster. I can go anywhere from here. Right? I have impressive skills and experience, though apparently not a very impressive personality.

I'm gonna go watch 30 Rock because it makes me laugh and forget my self-loathing for 24 or so minutes.

In the market for a new lifestyle

2009-08-29T01:36:00.001-07:00

Oh give me a break. I'm not gaunt by any stretch of the imagination. I was making a weird pose in that picture and it was taken at an angle.

There's a girl from school who lives a block away from Alex (in Notting Hill!!) who is moving back to the States on the 12th. I went to view her studio room last night and...I fell in love. The problem is, it's £50-£100 more per month than the somewhat arbitrary maximum rent I had set for myself. But I really don't know what I can and can't afford. I have the money now. I have no idea how much money I'll have in the future. It's definitely cheaper than I've been paying this past year. It's a wonderful room on the fourth or fifth floor (lots of stairs=good exercise!) with an adorable, very London-y view and all bills are included in the rent (except internet). It's fully furnished and in a location I want (close to Alex and Carina). I'm going to keep looking for cheaper places, but even looking is such a hassle. Then you have to call people, sift through all the ads which are posted by letting agents (who charge you to find you a room, usually not the one you wanted in the first place), and arrange for viewings. And there's the whole flatsharing issue again. Do I want to live with a bunch of strangers? And most of the ads that are posted now are available now, not in two and half weeks when I'm moving out of my current place.

Ugh, I don't know. I'll keep looking. It's good to have options.

The same girl used to work for the store Alex and I are applying to, so she lent us clothes from the store for the interview next week! She's so nice! It might be a bit of a problem if I get hired there. I don't have an appropriate wardrobe for working there, so I'd have to buy a bunch of new clothes, which is kind of dumb. Spending a bunch of money to get a job in order to earn money? Oh well, at least I'll look gorgeous!

Wasting away

2009-08-26T12:16:00.000-07:00

I seem to have misplaced quite a bit of weight. Has anyone seen it? I'd like at least some of it back. My favorite jeans of ALL TIME are now too big. I can take them off without unbuttoning or unzipping them. Scary!

But seriously, how did I lose weight? I certainly wasn't trying. I ate massive amounts in Africa. It's probably worms. There was an extremely suspicious piece of watermelon that I ate at Murchison Falls. Add the fact that I've been feeling lightheaded for a couple days and I'm convinced worms are the culprits (I don't actually know a thing about the symptoms of worms because I REFUSED to study the helminth lectures during revision for finals). Or perhaps I'm just dying. On the plus side, I look fantastic! My butt is positively miniscule.

I drew a new picture last night which I want to scan (school scanner=why I'm paying the big bucks to go here), but Kate is using the computer with the scanner. I'd feel bad asking her to interrupt processing all her data and creating complex graphs so I can scan a silly picture. It'll have to wait until tomorrow.

LOOONNNNDDDOOOONNNNN!!!!!

2009-08-20T10:53:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness, it feels soooooooooo good to be back in London! I've been on cloud nine for the past two days. Even the stress/annoyance of having to work on my research project write-up isn't getting me down. Oh, and I got my final exam grades: I did decently well! I was confident that I had passed, but I was worried that I might have received the lowest passing grade (a 2). But I got the equivalent of a B or B- (hard to say because this school uses a weird system).

I met up with Holly and Alex a couple hours after arriving and it was so wonderful to see them. I walked to Carluccio's from school to meet them, and I couldn't help smiling as I walked. I never smile while walking! Ever! (People might think I'm a crazy person, and I wouldn't want that.) I really really love these girls. Alex managed to get scabies while in Africa (HAHAHAHAHA!) and when I touched her arm, a scab came off. It makes me laugh to think about it. So funny and disgusting, I love it.

The room that I got at the residence hall is so much better than my old room! I mean, the room itself is more or less exactly the same, but it's on the 1st floor (the 2nd floor in America) and it gets much more light than my old room. Not that my old room was dark, but it was on the ground floor and the other buildings in the courtyard I looked out onto were much closer than in my new room. I can leave my window opened or leave my computer in view of the window without worrying about anyone breaking in (not that break-ins are common, just that I'm paranoid). And the bathroom tiles are prettier in this room. My last one had horrible floor tiles that always looked filthy no matter how hard you scrubbed them. Holly and I washed them with bleach and they still looked filthy. The one draw-back is that there is no full-length mirror in this room. This becomes a real issue in a country where you can't use hair dryers in the bathroom. Did you know that about England? You will never find an English person using a hair dryer or straighteners in their bathroom. It's unheard of. They don't believe in having outlets in bathrooms, except low voltage ones for electric razors. Silly English people.

Carina arrived today and she and Alex and I had lunch together (burritos from Benito's Hat, mmmmm.) It's good to have the old gang back together. I feel like it's been ages, but it really hasn't been that long. Well, I guess it has. I haven't been apart from these guys for more than three weeks since the day I met them.

Now to get back to the project. My supervisor said I need to change the names of the villages my data is based on, but I don't know how to do that. Alex gave me a couple cute Swahili names, but I feel like I should use the local language, which I don't speak. In Swahili, they name towns after the people who live in them, like "the people who like giraffes" or "the people who fish." If I knew how to construct names like that in Luganda, that would be cool, but I don't. Poo.

Here are pictures of Murchison Falls National Park. I'm quite proud of a couple of them, like these ones:

African skirts!

2009-08-18T07:01:00.000-07:00

Ooh, I'm excited! I'm getting skirts made in African prints! Woohoo!

I've been kicking myself for not buying material and commissioning something and now it's too late because I'm leaving TODAY! Roya bought material a couple weeks ago (while I was bored to death at the wedding) and a workmate put her in touch with a tailor. Today, all her skirts and tops arrived and I was super jealous! Roya goes to my school and is staying in Uganda until Sunday, so she said she'd have the tailor make me a skirt. I went to the local market at lunch and found some material, and Roya and I just did measurements, so hopefully it won't turn out too big or too tight! Roya bought more material, too, and since we both have more than we need, we're gonna get skirts made in each other's material. And Roya is going to pay for mine since I'm selling her my extra Malarone tablets, which cost a pretty penny. (When I bought them, I thought I was staying here for 8 weeks, so they gave me 9 weeks of pills. But I'm only here for 7 weeks, so I only need 8 weeks worth of pills. Roya, on the other hand, was planning to leave a week ago but had to extend her stay, so she doesn't have enough pills).

Anyhoo, I'm super excited! I hope the skirts turn out well. I'm getting one longish one (to just below my knee) and one short one. When I wrap the material around my waist, they both look really good with my leggings. Can't wait to see the finished product!

Also, have I mentioned that I CAN NOT WAIT TO GET BACK TO LONDON???? I've been fantasizing about being back there for days now. I'm really excited to see all my wonderful, wonderful friends again! Yay! Also, there's a wallet that I really want to buy from Fossil in Covent Garden to replace my Fossil wallet that got stolen (I miss you, Green Wallet with an Embroidered Pineapple. You know I was never going to replace you until the day you disintegrated in my hands...or got stolen by some crummy jerk who will never appreciate you the way I did.)

P.S. Murchison Falls was AMAZING!!! Well worth the $310 that I borrowed from Bryony. I will post pictures when I get back to London and have open access to the internet. But here's a preview:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!