Many People

I totally forgot to talk about fortune cookies yesterday! Ian’s said something boring along the lines of “be frugal,” which is lame until you add “in bed” to the end. “So I should only hire cheap hookers,” Ian explained.

My says, “Your nurturing instincts will expand to include many people,” which is kind of a nice thought, until you add “in bed,” and then it gets really nice! I am now taking applications for recipients of my bedly nurturing instincts. I'm looking for many people, so don't be shy!

Ian decided we should set up a dirty website that advertises “nurturing instincts in bed, including many people.” It’ll be a con, where you have to pay to access the website, and then all you’ll get are pictures of people hugging each other in a bed with big dopey grins on their faces. That’ll teach you to get your mind out of the gutter! Mwahahahaha!

Ah, the joy of fortune cookies. God bless the Chinese!

No More Walking

My step-mom once bought a(n?) hideous, old, purple dresser with black drawers at a garage sale. In one spot, she sanded it down to see what color the wood was underneath. She had to go through four layers of paint before she got to the wood, and now the dresser reminds me of an Everlasting Gobstopper.

Well, it snowed and rained on Sunday and Monday, and then the temperature dropped well below freezing, so now the world is a giant ice cube. Work was closed and I got to stay home, but I got lonely, so I decided to hang out with my friend Ian who lives close to here. Or at least, I thought he lived close to here. The roads are icy and we didn't want to drive, so we walked, meeting each other halfway. Then we walked to find food. At this point, I was feeling pretty good, happy about walking and happy about food, so when Ian mentioned he needed to go to the bank downtown, I offered to go with him. It turns out, things are a lot farther away when you're walking to them, as opposed to driving. They're even farther when you're walking over uneven ice, as opposed to flat sidewalk. You have to be really careful where and how you put your foot down, and over time, this works muscles in your upper thigh that haven't been worked in, well...ever. When I got home, I felt like a popsicle; my limbs were so stiff, they wouldn't bend. I wore my rain boots, the sixty dollar ones that leak, and now I have bruises halfway up either calf where the top of the boots rubbed against my jeans. My thighs looked sunburned when I got home, which was fine until they started to feel sunburned, too.

On the bright side, my lovely $240 coat kept me warm. Well, I guess it could have been the fact that I was wearing a tank top, a t-shirt, a button-down Oxford, and my thickest sweatshirt underneath the $240 coat.

I can't walk except with baby steps, and even that's a struggle. The stairs are my nemesis. Where's my burly man-servant when I need him? "Charles, carry me upstairs to dinner!"

Sucking the Marrow Out of Life

I've been totally uninspired to blog lately. Which isn't to say I haven't been busy. In fact, my busy-ness is probably the problem: when my life is interesting, I have no need to blog in order to convince myself that it's interesting.

There has been lots of shopping lately and hanging out with friends (mostly Jacque). I've seen two movies: Marie Antoinette and the new Bond. I liked them both, though Marie Antoinette didn't have any point. I guess I'm alright with a movie having no point, as long as it's a pretty movie. I like the new Bond, he's hotter than Pierce Brosnan, but I didn't like that it was more gratuitously violent (or was I just imagining that?) Basically, the highlight of the last month was last Monday, when I spilled a dangerous chemical on my week-old jeans and they had to be disposed of as hazardous material. Man, I love being a scientist! Everyone keeps asking me if I was wearing a lab coat. First of all, a lab coat would not have protected my jeans, and second of all, scientists don't actually wear lab coats. I guess if you're a klutzy scientist like me, it's not a bad idea. Alas, the jeans have been replaced, and all is right with the world again.

I'm happy to announce that my orphan-shoe adoption program is doing well, and I recently welcomed these darlings into my home:

I've wanted those Adidas sneakers since I was in high school. I realize they might make me look like a child, or a pre-teen at least, but I don't care. They're pink!

Green Guts, I Tell You!

Me pops just got himself a new power drill and he started using it immediately. He's so proud of it; he had me hold it, and it's, like, 20 pounds. You can almost smell the testosterone.

I apologize. This is an extremely boring post with extremely boring photos, with the exception of the bright green pumpkin innards.

October 29 carvings:

It's like snow, and oh, how I do love snow!



Sharpen your knives, folks. The white one is mine. Cool, huh? I've never carved a white pumpkin before.



It's innards were bright green! Coolest thing ever! I'm totally carving white pumpkins every year.



The whole ghoulish gang: (mine's a vampire!)


Lights out:

Daylight Savings Rocks My World

This one’s gonna be a doozy, ‘cuz I have lots of photos to post.

This morning on my way to work, I saw a Budweiser truck that said “Responsibility Matters.” What kind of lame motto is that? Does that even mean anything? Responsibility matters? They direct you to a website if you want more information (like, perhaps an explanation for their useless motto): www.beeresponsible.com. Haha! Get it? Beer responsible! Hahaha!

Sunday was daylight savings, which I totally profited from, like, three times over! I so rock! Either that or I’m really dumb. I took advantage of the extra hour of sleep on Sunday morning, and then some, because I skipped church. Then on Sunday night, I went to bed at 9:30, and woke up when my alarm clock went off at 6:30 the next morning. I got out of bed really quickly, within five minutes of my alarm going off. It usually takes 10-20 minutes for me to drag myself out of bed and turn my alarm off. I put my contacts in, brushed my teeth, and wandered upstairs. My step-mom was brushing her teeth, which struck me as odd because she and my dad always leave the house before I wake up. She looked at me with concern and asked, “Did we wake you up?” “No,” I replied. “This is when I normally wake up.” It was in the middle of that sentence that I realized I had never set my clocks back. It was really only 5:30, and I had another hour before I had to wake up. Then I realized that I hadn’t really gone to bed at 9:30 the night before; I had gone to bed at 8:30. The great thing about idiopathic hypersomnia is that I had no problem falling asleep again, despite the fact that I had already slept for 9 hours.

Okay, to start off, photos of loved ones doing odd things:

John showing off his awesome chest hair



Jody


Shopping for a Halloween costume,
Emily discovers the most
awesome pants ever created



I could be a Who for Halloween

I carved pumpkins up the yin yang this past week, with squashy slaughterings on Saturday, Sunday, and Tuesday. It sucked my creativity dry! (I don't have much to begin with.)

Okay, photo loading is taking far too long, and I am a lazy little thing, so pumpkin murders will be posted tomorrow. I wish I could say it'll be worth the wait, but even I'm not convinced. We'll see.