Ugh, I can't be bothered to update, R! I'm just so lazy...
Today, I had a three hours 20 minutes shift at work. Multiply that by £7/hr and that doesn't even cover half of what I spent on clothes today. Oops. It's hardly worth getting dressed and trekking to work. Grr.
Ewan MacGregor's motorcycle buddy was in the shop today. Prince William's girlfriend was in last week. I would not have known either of them if my coworkers hadn't pointed them out.
Ingo's wedding was the weekend before last and it was jolly good fun. The food at the reception was amazing! I danced, of course, because I like dancing. Wanda and Ralph were there, which was really cool because I didn't get to see them at Christmas. Wanda danced as well, but we couldn't convince Ralphy to join in. It was really great seeing Beccy and Ingo again, and I'm glad I got to share their special day with them.
Last weekend marked the start of the World Cup, and I went to a coworker's boyfriend's house for an England vs. USA viewing party. The game was a bit lame and over pretty quickly, but I had a good time at the party. One of my coworker's friends thought I was cute. Score! We're gonna go on a World Cup-watching date next week. My hair has really been working for me lately, and I've been dressing a bit smarter, and I've been meeting guys right and left, so I've really been feeling like hot shit lately. It's nice to have a little boost to the confidence, especially when job hunting is still so depressing. I did contact a PhD student from the school, though, who very very kindly agreed to let me help him with a literature review he's doing this summer (he's probably thrilled he's getting free labor!) so hopefully that will help? I don't know. I just don't know what to do, where to look. I'm a lost toy.
Anyway, should be getting to bed. Lunch with Holly and Alex tomorrow. I haven't seen Alex in probably two months. I was starting to think she didn't love me anymore, but it's probably just her being her usual rubbish-friend self. It'll be good to see them both.
Pictures are on Facebook. I'm too lazy to upload them to Picasa at the moment. Meh.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Clarity
A couple months ago, I was telling people that part of the reason I was having trouble finding a job was that I didn't really know what I was looking for. I didn't know quite what I wanted, I just had a general idea. But recently I've come to the realization that it's not true anymore, and probably never was. Over the past couple months, I've formed a solid and tangible idea of the job I want. I can describe it in concrete words.
I want to do qualitative, social research related to tuberculosis, preferably in India.
Hm, surprising how that's exactly how I described my ideal summer project more than a year ago. So if I've wanted to do that for over a year, why did I tell countless people that I didn't know what I wanted? Probably for the same reason that I waited until the end of my third year to declare "microbiology" as my undergraduate major, despite having picked it out of a list of majors during orientation, months before I attended my first undergraduate class. There was never any other major that I considered declaring, yet I hesitated to commit myself to microbiology. Why? Because of a ridiculous, inexplicable lack of confidence in myself or in my choices.
A friend asked me the other day why I wasn't looking for a PhD. This question usually makes me shudder and cringe with the thought of a hundred reasons not to do a PhD, but not this time. This time, I stopped and asked myself, "Yeah, why haven't I considered that?" Suddenly, I couldn't come up with a good reason. I should look into a PhD. Yeah, there may be funding issues, but I won't know until I look into it. I should finish my application to the Peace Corps, too. I should continue emailing researchers doing the work I want to do. When they don't respond, I should call them and nag them. I need to be the squeaky wheel and get myself some gosh-darned grease!
I want to do qualitative, social research related to tuberculosis, preferably in India.
Hm, surprising how that's exactly how I described my ideal summer project more than a year ago. So if I've wanted to do that for over a year, why did I tell countless people that I didn't know what I wanted? Probably for the same reason that I waited until the end of my third year to declare "microbiology" as my undergraduate major, despite having picked it out of a list of majors during orientation, months before I attended my first undergraduate class. There was never any other major that I considered declaring, yet I hesitated to commit myself to microbiology. Why? Because of a ridiculous, inexplicable lack of confidence in myself or in my choices.
A friend asked me the other day why I wasn't looking for a PhD. This question usually makes me shudder and cringe with the thought of a hundred reasons not to do a PhD, but not this time. This time, I stopped and asked myself, "Yeah, why haven't I considered that?" Suddenly, I couldn't come up with a good reason. I should look into a PhD. Yeah, there may be funding issues, but I won't know until I look into it. I should finish my application to the Peace Corps, too. I should continue emailing researchers doing the work I want to do. When they don't respond, I should call them and nag them. I need to be the squeaky wheel and get myself some gosh-darned grease!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Every now and then I fall apart
Last week, I stumbled upon a quote in an old notebook:
"Follow your dreams. They know the way."
This, of course, is way easier said than done. While the quote initially made me nod my head and say "yeah! totally!" to myself, that feeling faded as soon as I tried to work out exactly how to follow my dream. Jobs doing social research on tuberculosis in India don't just grow on trees.
A couple years ago, I was bored and disappointed with my life. So I did two things. I started volunteering with some yutes, and I taught myself to knit. Both made me feel loads better. Now again I'm bored and disappointed with my life. I'm really stressing out again and getting depressed, frustrated with work and lack of money. A couple months ago, I applied to be a volunteer with an HIV support organization, and tonight I had my induction ceremony. When I left the building, I was filled with a sense of, I don't know. Rightness. Maybe it was the warm spring air, the sunset, the fact that that particular part of Islington is gorgeous (near where you lived, Rania!), but I felt like I was making a move in the right direction. I was moving in the direction of my next dream, walking through a city that represented the fulfillment of my last dream.
I think I'm gonna be alright.
"Follow your dreams. They know the way."
This, of course, is way easier said than done. While the quote initially made me nod my head and say "yeah! totally!" to myself, that feeling faded as soon as I tried to work out exactly how to follow my dream. Jobs doing social research on tuberculosis in India don't just grow on trees.
A couple years ago, I was bored and disappointed with my life. So I did two things. I started volunteering with some yutes, and I taught myself to knit. Both made me feel loads better. Now again I'm bored and disappointed with my life. I'm really stressing out again and getting depressed, frustrated with work and lack of money. A couple months ago, I applied to be a volunteer with an HIV support organization, and tonight I had my induction ceremony. When I left the building, I was filled with a sense of, I don't know. Rightness. Maybe it was the warm spring air, the sunset, the fact that that particular part of Islington is gorgeous (near where you lived, Rania!), but I felt like I was making a move in the right direction. I was moving in the direction of my next dream, walking through a city that represented the fulfillment of my last dream.
I think I'm gonna be alright.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
British politics
UK politics, eh? I don't really understand what's going on, but I know it's historical and weird. Also, most British people don't really understand what's going on, so I'm not alone. They don't elect their prime minister the way we elect our president. They vote for how the Houses of Parliament will be structured, and whichever party has a majority in Parliament gets to put their man in 10 Downing Street. But what happens when no party gets a majority? They try to form coalitions (like on Survivor when people formed alliances, but still tried to stab each other in the backs). There were three main parties in this election, the Conservatives (right), Labour (middle/left), and the Liberal Democrats (far-left). And which two parties formed the coalition? The two with the least in common, of course!
So the Conservatives (Tories) formed a coalition with the Lib-Dems, a previously pretty small and weak third party. Now the Tory leader, David Cameron, gets to be PM but the Lib-Dem leader, Nick Clegg, gets to be Deputy PM. From what I understand (and I don't understand much), that's pretty groundbreaking. However, being Deputy PM isn't like being Vice President. They don't get to take over if the Prime Minister dies or anything. PMs don't even have to appoint a deputy. Gordon Brown didn't have a Deputy PM. Still, the Lib-Dems should gain some prestige from this, and it's pretty significant that any third party should gain such power. Like the U.S., Britain has been pretty strongly two-partied for a long time now.
It'll be really interesting to see how things pan out as far as compromises are concerned. For example, on the issue of immigration, the Tories and the Lib-Dems take polar opposite stances. Nick Clegg originally advocated for making all illegal immigrants citizens, while the Tories want to round them all up and deport them. (Well, actually, they wouldn't deport them. They'd just put them in high-security prisons indefinitely with no trial or hopes of ever living a normal life.) So yeah. Fun times ahead for Britain!
On a related but separate note, something I find really interesting and kind of funny: two of the biggest criticisms of Barack Obama in the run-up to the election were that he was 1) an elitist and 2) young and inexperienced. I was all for these things. After 8 years of George W. (and facing the prospect of Sarah Palin as second-in-command), I was ready for someone with a brain to be in power. And as a young person, I'm okay with young people with fresh ideas being in charge. In Britain, the Tories are most like Republicans, and Labour is most like the Democrats. But the people here who love Barack Obama, who support Labour or the Lib-Dems, their big criticisms of Tory leader David Cameron are that he is 1) an elitist and 2) young and inexperienced. Funny how that works, huh? The elitist thing is different here, though. Where Barack Obama was called elitist because he's intelligent and educated, despite humble roots, David Cameron is called an elitist because he's the son of rich, powerful people who sent him to the top (elitist) schools. The class system is way more powerful here than in the U.S., and David Cameron definitely belongs to the snooty upper class.
Ok, enough. I will now return to hating and ignoring politics.
So the Conservatives (Tories) formed a coalition with the Lib-Dems, a previously pretty small and weak third party. Now the Tory leader, David Cameron, gets to be PM but the Lib-Dem leader, Nick Clegg, gets to be Deputy PM. From what I understand (and I don't understand much), that's pretty groundbreaking. However, being Deputy PM isn't like being Vice President. They don't get to take over if the Prime Minister dies or anything. PMs don't even have to appoint a deputy. Gordon Brown didn't have a Deputy PM. Still, the Lib-Dems should gain some prestige from this, and it's pretty significant that any third party should gain such power. Like the U.S., Britain has been pretty strongly two-partied for a long time now.
It'll be really interesting to see how things pan out as far as compromises are concerned. For example, on the issue of immigration, the Tories and the Lib-Dems take polar opposite stances. Nick Clegg originally advocated for making all illegal immigrants citizens, while the Tories want to round them all up and deport them. (Well, actually, they wouldn't deport them. They'd just put them in high-security prisons indefinitely with no trial or hopes of ever living a normal life.) So yeah. Fun times ahead for Britain!
On a related but separate note, something I find really interesting and kind of funny: two of the biggest criticisms of Barack Obama in the run-up to the election were that he was 1) an elitist and 2) young and inexperienced. I was all for these things. After 8 years of George W. (and facing the prospect of Sarah Palin as second-in-command), I was ready for someone with a brain to be in power. And as a young person, I'm okay with young people with fresh ideas being in charge. In Britain, the Tories are most like Republicans, and Labour is most like the Democrats. But the people here who love Barack Obama, who support Labour or the Lib-Dems, their big criticisms of Tory leader David Cameron are that he is 1) an elitist and 2) young and inexperienced. Funny how that works, huh? The elitist thing is different here, though. Where Barack Obama was called elitist because he's intelligent and educated, despite humble roots, David Cameron is called an elitist because he's the son of rich, powerful people who sent him to the top (elitist) schools. The class system is way more powerful here than in the U.S., and David Cameron definitely belongs to the snooty upper class.
Ok, enough. I will now return to hating and ignoring politics.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Chin ups
Dude, what is with all the spam comments? Ugh. Anyway, I suppose it's about time I updated again. *bored eye roll*
Hm, so...I bought a bike a week and a half ago. It's a piece of junk and I paid way too much for it, but it's a really pretty blue and is one of those curvy beach-cruiser shapes, which I LOVE! Sadly, the seat post seems to be rusted in place so I can't lower the seat to a comfortable height. Alas.
I had a phone interview for an internship in Uganda last week. I didn't do very well. They said they'd let me know by the end of last week but I still haven't heard from them. I think that's a no...
I've been made till specialist at work, which is pretty cool. It means more responsibility for the same amount of pay. And they're not going to be giving me more hours. Hm. Why did I want this again? Oh well, it'll look good on the ol' resume, and I think it'll be kind of fun.
Hm, I feel like there was something else I was going to write about, but now I can't remember. Oh well. Back to job hunting, a.k.a. the most soul-destroying, confidence-shattering activity known to man.
Hm, so...I bought a bike a week and a half ago. It's a piece of junk and I paid way too much for it, but it's a really pretty blue and is one of those curvy beach-cruiser shapes, which I LOVE! Sadly, the seat post seems to be rusted in place so I can't lower the seat to a comfortable height. Alas.
I had a phone interview for an internship in Uganda last week. I didn't do very well. They said they'd let me know by the end of last week but I still haven't heard from them. I think that's a no...
I've been made till specialist at work, which is pretty cool. It means more responsibility for the same amount of pay. And they're not going to be giving me more hours. Hm. Why did I want this again? Oh well, it'll look good on the ol' resume, and I think it'll be kind of fun.
Hm, I feel like there was something else I was going to write about, but now I can't remember. Oh well. Back to job hunting, a.k.a. the most soul-destroying, confidence-shattering activity known to man.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
My first celebrity sighting
Bob Geldof came into the shop today. I didn't even catch a glimpse of him cuz I'm useless. Apparently he told Elin, the sweetest girl in the world, that our walky-talkies make us look stupid. Yes, that's right, we wear walky-talkies around the shop.
But that's nothing. This weekend, I went to a pub in Chalk Farm with Holly, Tanya, Simon and James. I walked out onto the patio to find us a table in the sun, and as I was glancing around, I noticed a guy who looked kind of like Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl (except way more tan). I was like, "Nah, it can't be him. All these women on the patio are giving him a wide berth and acting completely normal. Must just be a look-alike."
But it did look a lot like him, so I kept stealing glances back at him (read: trying not to be obvious about the fact that I was staring at him.) It was him. No doubt in my mind. The same crooked teeth, lips, and eyebrows. The overwhelming cockiness in his posture. It was so him. Knowing that I had drinks at a pub that *Chuck Bass* (can't be bothered to look up his real name) goes to makes me feel like I could almost sort of a little bit be mistaken for a cool person. Almost.
But that's nothing. This weekend, I went to a pub in Chalk Farm with Holly, Tanya, Simon and James. I walked out onto the patio to find us a table in the sun, and as I was glancing around, I noticed a guy who looked kind of like Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl (except way more tan). I was like, "Nah, it can't be him. All these women on the patio are giving him a wide berth and acting completely normal. Must just be a look-alike."
But it did look a lot like him, so I kept stealing glances back at him (read: trying not to be obvious about the fact that I was staring at him.) It was him. No doubt in my mind. The same crooked teeth, lips, and eyebrows. The overwhelming cockiness in his posture. It was so him. Knowing that I had drinks at a pub that *Chuck Bass* (can't be bothered to look up his real name) goes to makes me feel like I could almost sort of a little bit be mistaken for a cool person. Almost.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Birthday presents!
From Simon: Vladimir, the coolest cane EVER! Check out the crazy eyes going in opposite directions!
From Holly: Cath Kidston sneakers! There's a reason I listed this girl as my significant other.
From Izzi and Tim: super cute purse and tea cups with too-short spoons
From Mel (flatmate): headband and jewelry
From Carina: words can not describe the wonderfulness of this necklace
From Alex: pretty swallow necklace
From Maya: weird but awesome coconut purse
From John and Becky: Vampire Weekend and The Power of Now
From James: The xx and Mos Def
From Ross and Sandra: heirloom quality pearl necklace (!!!!!) and bonus black pearl earrings
Thank you thank you thank you everyone for the wonderful and awesome birthday presents! Those of you who are nearly a month late in sending me my goodies are losers. Though to be fair, I'm greedy and selfish, so I guess I shouldn't sling too much mud your way.
From Holly: Cath Kidston sneakers! There's a reason I listed this girl as my significant other.
From Izzi and Tim: super cute purse and tea cups with too-short spoons
From Mel (flatmate): headband and jewelry
From Carina: words can not describe the wonderfulness of this necklace
From Alex: pretty swallow necklace
From Maya: weird but awesome coconut purse
From John and Becky: Vampire Weekend and The Power of Now
From James: The xx and Mos Def
From Ross and Sandra: heirloom quality pearl necklace (!!!!!) and bonus black pearl earrings
Thank you thank you thank you everyone for the wonderful and awesome birthday presents! Those of you who are nearly a month late in sending me my goodies are losers. Though to be fair, I'm greedy and selfish, so I guess I shouldn't sling too much mud your way.
Things that make me happy
Beautiful, beautiful day! Days, actually! Yesterday was warm and gorgeous, so I decided to run some errands and check out the steam fair that was going on in Hammersmith. It was a little tiny carnival with antique (but refurbished) rides all run by steam engines. They were really beautifully painted. There was a "Wall of Death" that totally took me back to Jinja, Uganda, where we attended a carnival and climbed high onto a very rickety structure to gaze down on an elderly Indian man riding a motorcycle horizontally around the circular wooden structure we were standing on. I was sure the whole thing was gonna collapse and we were all gonna die, motorcycles or not. The one in Hammersmith looked much safer. They also had a little arcade with antique penny-slot games that was so so cool! I paid £1 for 8 tokens and won more tokens a couple times, so got to play quite a few of them. I paid one token to learn about future events in my life, and another for a creepy fortune teller lady in a box to tell my fortune (which was not a fortune at all, but just a description of my personality...and not even really my personality.) It was awesome. Annoyingly, I forgot my camera so you'll just have to take my word for it.
Today was another beautiful day, and I got to spend it with Tanya and Carina! I wagered on it being warm (definitely hit 70 degrees!) so decided it was high time for my legs to reacquaint themselves with Mr. Sunshine. Skin really doesn't get much paler than this.
We had breakfast behind Borough Market, then headed over to Shakespeare's Globe for the Bard's birthday celebrations. It was mostly activities for children, but don't you think that would stop we three grown-up ladies, no sirree! Carina took a crack at Anne Bowling (ha ha! Get it? Anne Boleyn?) which she did horribly at, so I'm curious how any child was expected to win. Then we took a picture with a bear and tried to guess its name (no, it was not Lady Macbear). Then we added our ingredients to a witch's brew, which involved writing nasty-sounding things on post-it notes and sticking it to a wall. I put "ogre's earwax." Carina, ignoring my vehement protests, put "syphilitic pus." She was supported in this decision by Tanya, who is usually the prudish, responsible, innocent one in the group (yes, even compared to me!) She supported it on the grounds that it would be educational for the young kiddies to learn about STDs. Usually, I love that all my friends are crazy about infectious diseases and we can have ridiculous conversations about pertussis and herpes in public places, but there has to be a line somewhere.
Anyhoo, we watched some volunteers of all ages makes fools of themselves acting out lines from the Scottish play on stage. We tapped our fingers against our palms to simulate rain and cackled like witches when directed to do so. When we left, we dropped pennies into the Globe support bucket and were offered cheery red flags. Carina, possibly because she'd spent too much time around small children, decided to act like a petulant child and refused the flag, instead demanding a poster and a gold star. Luckily, the man handing them out was a good sport and unpeeled the large gold star sticker, asking, "And where would you like it?" As it was quite big, the only practical place for it to go was her chest, so this was a bit of a PG-13 question. Then we sat out in the sun for ages drinking Pimms (first Pimms of the year! woot woot!) and pear cider. A friend of Carina's, named James joined us (Tanya: "What is with all the Jameses? I feel like people should know there are other names out there!") and we pretty much spent the entire day drinking and sunning, with a bit of pie eating and book browsing thrown in for good measure. Tanya gave me a pink and blue rhino from Tanzania, and we all decided he should be named Winston.
It was pretty much the best day ever.
Today was another beautiful day, and I got to spend it with Tanya and Carina! I wagered on it being warm (definitely hit 70 degrees!) so decided it was high time for my legs to reacquaint themselves with Mr. Sunshine. Skin really doesn't get much paler than this.
We had breakfast behind Borough Market, then headed over to Shakespeare's Globe for the Bard's birthday celebrations. It was mostly activities for children, but don't you think that would stop we three grown-up ladies, no sirree! Carina took a crack at Anne Bowling (ha ha! Get it? Anne Boleyn?) which she did horribly at, so I'm curious how any child was expected to win. Then we took a picture with a bear and tried to guess its name (no, it was not Lady Macbear). Then we added our ingredients to a witch's brew, which involved writing nasty-sounding things on post-it notes and sticking it to a wall. I put "ogre's earwax." Carina, ignoring my vehement protests, put "syphilitic pus." She was supported in this decision by Tanya, who is usually the prudish, responsible, innocent one in the group (yes, even compared to me!) She supported it on the grounds that it would be educational for the young kiddies to learn about STDs. Usually, I love that all my friends are crazy about infectious diseases and we can have ridiculous conversations about pertussis and herpes in public places, but there has to be a line somewhere.
Anyhoo, we watched some volunteers of all ages makes fools of themselves acting out lines from the Scottish play on stage. We tapped our fingers against our palms to simulate rain and cackled like witches when directed to do so. When we left, we dropped pennies into the Globe support bucket and were offered cheery red flags. Carina, possibly because she'd spent too much time around small children, decided to act like a petulant child and refused the flag, instead demanding a poster and a gold star. Luckily, the man handing them out was a good sport and unpeeled the large gold star sticker, asking, "And where would you like it?" As it was quite big, the only practical place for it to go was her chest, so this was a bit of a PG-13 question. Then we sat out in the sun for ages drinking Pimms (first Pimms of the year! woot woot!) and pear cider. A friend of Carina's, named James joined us (Tanya: "What is with all the Jameses? I feel like people should know there are other names out there!") and we pretty much spent the entire day drinking and sunning, with a bit of pie eating and book browsing thrown in for good measure. Tanya gave me a pink and blue rhino from Tanzania, and we all decided he should be named Winston.
It was pretty much the best day ever.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Perspective
Thanks for all the words of encouragement, guys. I'm feeling much better this evening. I don't know why some days it is impossible to think positive thoughts, and other days it's easy. Today, it's easy.
I will get a job, and it'll be a good one. And I'm not gonna worry too much about money at the moment. Stressing about whether I'll have money in the future when I have money right now is kinda silly. Obviously, I should be wise about my spending, but I should enjoy life while I can! Tanya came back from Tanzania today (YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!) and I went to meet her at Paddington station. They almost didn't let her back into the country! She's Canadian and her visa expired in January, but she was in Tanzania already so couldn't renew it. Since she has been working for the school and earning pounds during this time, this puts her in a bit of a gray zone. Border control took her passport and said, "I have to check this with my boss." In the end, they decided to let her back in (she's only staying for six weeks anyway) because the work she was doing was noble and helping Africa. Anyway, we sat in the train station eating Burger King and talking about boys (yes, we haven't seen each other in three months and that's all we could think to talk about). Then she asked if I wanted to go to Italy for a weekend. I've never been to Italy. I've wanted to go for a while. Tanya speaks Italian (in addition to English and French). But when she asked, I got really sad and stressed and was like, "Uuuuhhhhh, I don't know..." I don't know? I DON'T KNOW??? When will I get another chance to go to Italy? With a good friend, who speaks Italian? I've been fantasizing about the south of France for weeks! Of course I'll go to Italy with you, Tantan! Let's go tomorrow!
I will get a job, and it'll be a good one. And I'm not gonna worry too much about money at the moment. Stressing about whether I'll have money in the future when I have money right now is kinda silly. Obviously, I should be wise about my spending, but I should enjoy life while I can! Tanya came back from Tanzania today (YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!) and I went to meet her at Paddington station. They almost didn't let her back into the country! She's Canadian and her visa expired in January, but she was in Tanzania already so couldn't renew it. Since she has been working for the school and earning pounds during this time, this puts her in a bit of a gray zone. Border control took her passport and said, "I have to check this with my boss." In the end, they decided to let her back in (she's only staying for six weeks anyway) because the work she was doing was noble and helping Africa. Anyway, we sat in the train station eating Burger King and talking about boys (yes, we haven't seen each other in three months and that's all we could think to talk about). Then she asked if I wanted to go to Italy for a weekend. I've never been to Italy. I've wanted to go for a while. Tanya speaks Italian (in addition to English and French). But when she asked, I got really sad and stressed and was like, "Uuuuhhhhh, I don't know..." I don't know? I DON'T KNOW??? When will I get another chance to go to Italy? With a good friend, who speaks Italian? I've been fantasizing about the south of France for weeks! Of course I'll go to Italy with you, Tantan! Let's go tomorrow!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Disappointment
My quest for positivity has been put on indefinite hold. I came home to an email from the job I really wanted in Glasgow. After careful consideration, my application has not been successful. Actually, the exact wording is that I have not been successful.
I've received this email so many times and worded so many ways, I feel useless and unwanted. The world has no place for me. It doesn't need me. Goodness knows Brand A will continue makings oodles of money without me.
I don't understand what I have to do to get a flipping interview! I'm so angry and frustrated.
I really really feel like giving up, but of course, that's impossible. Or rather, it would require going into default on my student loans and eventually starving to death. Which, I'll be honest, sounds sort of appealing, at least in a romantic bohemian sort of way. I could contract tuberculosis and die a slow, painful, and poverty-ridden death like the chick in La Boheme, probably minus the charming young lad writing poetry to my beauty.
My first student loan payment was due yesterday. $747.41. And it's past due, because I made the payment yesterday but it takes two days to process. My first payment and I'm already delinquent.
I just have no hope left. I told Holly on Sunday that I wanted this job, but had no hope of getting it. I have no hope of getting any relevant or interesting or even remotely lucrative job. For the past few months, I've become convinced that something's gotta give, but I don't even believe that anymore.
Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. The plan was to go buy much-needed Clinique concealer, but now I feel like I can't justify any expenditure. Employee appreciation starts Thursday and there's a pile of things I need/want to buy...Ok, I have to stop thinking about this.
Alright, I have reached phase two of disappointment: determination. Phase one involves pathetically feeling sorry for myself and crying a lot. Phase two is where I get down to business and try to fix what I can. Phase two was kickstarted by an email from an international development job website listing recently added jobs. I have no recollection of signing up for this service, and yet here it is in my inbox, at exactly the moment when I'm feeling hopeless. Divine intervention? Sure, why not?
I've received this email so many times and worded so many ways, I feel useless and unwanted. The world has no place for me. It doesn't need me. Goodness knows Brand A will continue makings oodles of money without me.
I don't understand what I have to do to get a flipping interview! I'm so angry and frustrated.
I really really feel like giving up, but of course, that's impossible. Or rather, it would require going into default on my student loans and eventually starving to death. Which, I'll be honest, sounds sort of appealing, at least in a romantic bohemian sort of way. I could contract tuberculosis and die a slow, painful, and poverty-ridden death like the chick in La Boheme, probably minus the charming young lad writing poetry to my beauty.
My first student loan payment was due yesterday. $747.41. And it's past due, because I made the payment yesterday but it takes two days to process. My first payment and I'm already delinquent.
I just have no hope left. I told Holly on Sunday that I wanted this job, but had no hope of getting it. I have no hope of getting any relevant or interesting or even remotely lucrative job. For the past few months, I've become convinced that something's gotta give, but I don't even believe that anymore.
Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. The plan was to go buy much-needed Clinique concealer, but now I feel like I can't justify any expenditure. Employee appreciation starts Thursday and there's a pile of things I need/want to buy...Ok, I have to stop thinking about this.
Alright, I have reached phase two of disappointment: determination. Phase one involves pathetically feeling sorry for myself and crying a lot. Phase two is where I get down to business and try to fix what I can. Phase two was kickstarted by an email from an international development job website listing recently added jobs. I have no recollection of signing up for this service, and yet here it is in my inbox, at exactly the moment when I'm feeling hopeless. Divine intervention? Sure, why not?
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