I Couldn't Sleep

The one time it really matters, and I can't sleep.

Last night and today, I had a sleep test (I wanted a second opinion). It was not an altogether pleasant experience, as sleeping with a bunch of wires taped or glued to your head and face never is, and I can’t help but feel like I might have failed. I mean, that’s absurd, I know, you can’t fail a sleep test, but I’m worried that what’s really wrong with me won’t show up in the results. Mainly because I couldn't sleep. One of my symptoms is that I sleep all the time and fall asleep immediately, but the doctors will never know, because I couldn't, for the life of me, fall asleep.

I had to stay all day today, too, so they could measure how long it took me to fall asleep for five naps (one every two hours). I didn't even fall asleep for two of them. Trust me, though, if I'd been at home, in my comfy mattress, without all those wires, I would have fallen asleep immediately four out of five times.

Sitting quietly in my pajamas in a hospital room with wires hooked up to me, I felt like a convalescent child. I felt like I should be sick, but I wasn’t. It messes with your head, let me tell you, being in a hospital room and not being sick. I feel all weird, now. But nothing that a late night of shaking my groove thang can’t cure.

At the risk of scaring away the few people who still read this blog, I have a question: Is there, in reality as we know it, a way for a woman to pee into a cup without peeing all over her hand? I mean, really? Is it truly, as I suspect, physically impossible? Just wondering, no special reason.