Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Every now and then I fall apart

Last week, I stumbled upon a quote in an old notebook:

"Follow your dreams. They know the way."

This, of course, is way easier said than done. While the quote initially made me nod my head and say "yeah! totally!" to myself, that feeling faded as soon as I tried to work out exactly how to follow my dream. Jobs doing social research on tuberculosis in India don't just grow on trees.

A couple years ago, I was bored and disappointed with my life. So I did two things. I started volunteering with some yutes, and I taught myself to knit. Both made me feel loads better. Now again I'm bored and disappointed with my life. I'm really stressing out again and getting depressed, frustrated with work and lack of money. A couple months ago, I applied to be a volunteer with an HIV support organization, and tonight I had my induction ceremony. When I left the building, I was filled with a sense of, I don't know. Rightness. Maybe it was the warm spring air, the sunset, the fact that that particular part of Islington is gorgeous (near where you lived, Rania!), but I felt like I was making a move in the right direction. I was moving in the direction of my next dream, walking through a city that represented the fulfillment of my last dream.

I think I'm gonna be alright.


  1. My Mother always quotes that old saying "God can't steer a parked car." Although I am not religious, I can appreciate the sentiment: as long as you are moving, and moving in roughly the right direction, you can feel good about getting closer to your dreams, and you make yourself more open to and prepared for opportunities that might come along.

    Sayings like this are important to remember, especially for over-achieving crazy people like us NHS grads! I think we are all too hard on ourselves! Thinking we should have 'arrived' somehow before we are even 30!

    So Go YOU!!!! You should be proud of everything you have accomplished so far. You are already living the DREAM just being there in London!!!!

    So tell me more! Are you officially a volunteer in London now? What organization are you working with?

    Whatever it is, I'm glad it is making you more happy. Paid jobs are nice, but sometimes we do-good-ers have to settle for volunteering (see my latest blog post;)

    And who knows what it will lead to?

  2. I like the part about walking through the city that represents the fulfillment of your last dream. It's so true! You have gotten your dreams so far, and you will continue to do so. Dreams take time, at least the good ones. And very often, when you're focused on what you can give, instead of what you can get, you will yield unexpected results.