Saturday, March 31, 2007

Cooking Skillz

One of these days, I have got to learn to cook. I just burned potstickers, and since I'm hungry and I worry about America's overconsumption of resources, I ate them. Luckily, I eat my dumplings with so much soy sauce that my tastebuds get kind of burned off, and I was watching the Colbert Report, so I didn't notice the taste of charcoal as much.

Thursday, March 29, 2007


I can never drink nor enter a nightclub or bar again! Or at least not until the year 2012, and that's a long time. We may be living on the moon by then.

My new driver's license photo is beyond hideous. I don't think I could possibly look worse. It's especially painful because my last license photo was perfect. I looked just fine. Nothing to be embarrassed about. Even my passport photo is pretty, despite the fact that I look stoned in it. But this new photo...I'm actually embarrassed by it.

*le sigh*

Also, I am feeling excessively unproductive this evening. Can't move...

Saturday, March 24, 2007

I Couldn't Sleep

The one time it really matters, and I can't sleep.

Last night and today, I had a sleep test (I wanted a second opinion). It was not an altogether pleasant experience, as sleeping with a bunch of wires taped or glued to your head and face never is, and I can’t help but feel like I might have failed. I mean, that’s absurd, I know, you can’t fail a sleep test, but I’m worried that what’s really wrong with me won’t show up in the results. Mainly because I couldn't sleep. One of my symptoms is that I sleep all the time and fall asleep immediately, but the doctors will never know, because I couldn't, for the life of me, fall asleep.

I had to stay all day today, too, so they could measure how long it took me to fall asleep for five naps (one every two hours). I didn't even fall asleep for two of them. Trust me, though, if I'd been at home, in my comfy mattress, without all those wires, I would have fallen asleep immediately four out of five times.

Sitting quietly in my pajamas in a hospital room with wires hooked up to me, I felt like a convalescent child. I felt like I should be sick, but I wasn’t. It messes with your head, let me tell you, being in a hospital room and not being sick. I feel all weird, now. But nothing that a late night of shaking my groove thang can’t cure.

At the risk of scaring away the few people who still read this blog, I have a question: Is there, in reality as we know it, a way for a woman to pee into a cup without peeing all over her hand? I mean, really? Is it truly, as I suspect, physically impossible? Just wondering, no special reason.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Takin' One in the Kisser

I loved the fabric of this dress, but the cut of the top was HORRID.
What's up with clothes that are almost cute, but not quite there?
Why don't American designers make clothes that are actually cute?