Saturday, March 24, 2007

I Couldn't Sleep

The one time it really matters, and I can't sleep.

Last night and today, I had a sleep test (I wanted a second opinion). It was not an altogether pleasant experience, as sleeping with a bunch of wires taped or glued to your head and face never is, and I can’t help but feel like I might have failed. I mean, that’s absurd, I know, you can’t fail a sleep test, but I’m worried that what’s really wrong with me won’t show up in the results. Mainly because I couldn't sleep. One of my symptoms is that I sleep all the time and fall asleep immediately, but the doctors will never know, because I couldn't, for the life of me, fall asleep.

I had to stay all day today, too, so they could measure how long it took me to fall asleep for five naps (one every two hours). I didn't even fall asleep for two of them. Trust me, though, if I'd been at home, in my comfy mattress, without all those wires, I would have fallen asleep immediately four out of five times.

Sitting quietly in my pajamas in a hospital room with wires hooked up to me, I felt like a convalescent child. I felt like I should be sick, but I wasn’t. It messes with your head, let me tell you, being in a hospital room and not being sick. I feel all weird, now. But nothing that a late night of shaking my groove thang can’t cure.

At the risk of scaring away the few people who still read this blog, I have a question: Is there, in reality as we know it, a way for a woman to pee into a cup without peeing all over her hand? I mean, really? Is it truly, as I suspect, physically impossible? Just wondering, no special reason.


  1. How could we NOT miss the cup? We have no visibility whatsoever into where the cup is actually positioned in relationship to...well, other things involved.

    So, my guess is you are more like your mother than you suspect. You have a sleep disorder that causes you to fall asleep at the drop of a hat, and an anxiety disorder that causes you to be wide awake under certain circumstances.

    Does your heart also beat out of sequence on a regular basis? Wait till they run THAT test on you!

  2. One time, during a pee test, the place I was at had a little holder in the toilet for the pee-cup. That way, you didn't have to hold the cup yourself. But that was a long time ago.

  3. Did you manage to hit the cup with any pee?

    This family truly is fixated with bodily functions, isn't it?

  4. They tried to give Hannah a sleep study once...but they put her in a room with a baby who had some sort of raging infection and screamed all night long. OH YEAH, THAT INDUCES LOTS OF SLEEP. Shouldn't a sleep study be done in a private room?????

    Secondly, I don't think it IS possible to pee into a cup without peeing all over your hand because, short of being a contortionist who could bend around and see ones urethra, HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHERE THE HECK THAT CRAP IS COMING FROM? It's kind of a by feel sort of thing. Ick. Thank God for soap and hot water.

    I get my braces off on June 12th!!

    Have you been by lately to see the new pictures of the baby? She is A D O R A B L E but I am not prejudiced or anything...