My step-mom once bought a(n?) hideous, old, purple dresser with black drawers at a garage sale. In one spot, she sanded it down to see what color the wood was underneath. She had to go through four layers of paint before she got to the wood, and now the dresser reminds me of an Everlasting Gobstopper.
Well, it snowed and rained on Sunday and Monday, and then the temperature dropped well below freezing, so now the world is a giant ice cube. Work was closed and I got to stay home, but I got lonely, so I decided to hang out with my friend Ian who lives close to here. Or at least, I thought he lived close to here. The roads are icy and we didn't want to drive, so we walked, meeting each other halfway. Then we walked to find food. At this point, I was feeling pretty good, happy about walking and happy about food, so when Ian mentioned he needed to go to the bank downtown, I offered to go with him. It turns out, things are a lot farther away when you're walking to them, as opposed to driving. They're even farther when you're walking over uneven ice, as opposed to flat sidewalk. You have to be really careful where and how you put your foot down, and over time, this works muscles in your upper thigh that haven't been worked in, well...ever. When I got home, I felt like a popsicle; my limbs were so stiff, they wouldn't bend. I wore my rain boots, the sixty dollar ones that leak, and now I have bruises halfway up either calf where the top of the boots rubbed against my jeans. My thighs looked sunburned when I got home, which was fine until they started to feel sunburned, too.
On the bright side, my lovely $240 coat kept me warm. Well, I guess it could have been the fact that I was wearing a tank top, a t-shirt, a button-down Oxford, and my thickest sweatshirt underneath the $240 coat.
I can't walk except with baby steps, and even that's a struggle. The stairs are my nemesis. Where's my burly man-servant when I need him? "Charles, carry me upstairs to dinner!"