Saturday, February 07, 2009

Somebody save me from myself

I'm depressed and I don't know how to fix it, mainly because I don't know what's causing it. It's probably the fact that I've been staying up late for about 3 weeks now, though I mostly still get 8 hours of sleep a night. Is that it, or am I going to bed late because I'm depressed?

I have no reason to be depressed, other than the looming and uncertain future. Things are going as well for me as ever. I've been really social in the past month, more so than probably ever before in my life. I'm spending a lot of time hanging out with people that I love. So what's the deal?

Perhaps it's my upcoming birthday, and the fact that my age is getting further and further away from how old I actually feel. Perhaps it's that stupid idea that I've foolishly bought into, that by the age of 27, I really should have done something useful with my life.

Perhaps it's the realization that I'm taking out a huge amount of money in loans in order to get a degree that will ensure me access to lots of work for which I will never be paid a dime. Or perhaps it has to do with the more immediate future and the fact that no one wants to sponsor me for a summer project in tuberculosis. Perhaps it's caused by my guilt over not spending as much time studying as other people do, or the realization that I really don't have any marketable skills.

It's probably just the sleep thing, though. That's what it always is. I'll feel much more optimistic about everything else once I'm not depressed anymore, right? On the bright side, I'm not sick anymore!

Well, I should go figure out how I'm going to make a vampire squid costume for a party I'm feeling too depressed to care about.

5 comments:

  1. Oh, honey, you are doing remarkable things, and I am truly in awe of where you are at in your life. Please don't doubt the value of what you've undertaken nor your ability to achieve your goals. You will get there, and it will benefit mankind.

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  2. migrainemaven2/09/2009 12:55 PM

    ok:

    1. You are at an even more depressingly northern latitude than the one you left. It's dark! (hint: it will get better...)

    2. 27 is a turning point. Of course, it doesn't suck as much as 29. Hang on!

    3. I guess you have to decide what matters most to you--your dreams or money--and trust that the universe will provide.

    4. Being sick can add to feeling depressed--it takes a lot out of you.

    5. Don't you think you'll be feeling a little better when you're all bioluminescent?

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  3. Everybody gets more depressed in the winter.

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  4. Amen, Migraine Maven. Also, consider that you do have one marketable skill most others don't: you're willing.

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  5. Migraine Maven: "27 is a turning point. Of course, it doesn't suck as much as 29. Hang on!"
    Hilarious! :O)
    This sketch from Tim & Eric will pull anyone out of a funk. Enjoy!

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