I'm depressed and I don't know how to fix it, mainly because I don't know what's causing it. It's probably the fact that I've been staying up late for about 3 weeks now, though I mostly still get 8 hours of sleep a night. Is that it, or am I going to bed late because I'm depressed?
I have no reason to be depressed, other than the looming and uncertain future. Things are going as well for me as ever. I've been really social in the past month, more so than probably ever before in my life. I'm spending a lot of time hanging out with people that I love. So what's the deal?
Perhaps it's my upcoming birthday, and the fact that my age is getting further and further away from how old I actually feel. Perhaps it's that stupid idea that I've foolishly bought into, that by the age of 27, I really should have done something useful with my life.
Perhaps it's the realization that I'm taking out a huge amount of money in loans in order to get a degree that will ensure me access to lots of work for which I will never be paid a dime. Or perhaps it has to do with the more immediate future and the fact that no one wants to sponsor me for a summer project in tuberculosis. Perhaps it's caused by my guilt over not spending as much time studying as other people do, or the realization that I really don't have any marketable skills.
It's probably just the sleep thing, though. That's what it always is. I'll feel much more optimistic about everything else once I'm not depressed anymore, right? On the bright side, I'm not sick anymore!
Well, I should go figure out how I'm going to make a vampire squid costume for a party I'm feeling too depressed to care about.