Many People

I totally forgot to talk about fortune cookies yesterday! Ian’s said something boring along the lines of “be frugal,” which is lame until you add “in bed” to the end. “So I should only hire cheap hookers,” Ian explained.

My says, “Your nurturing instincts will expand to include many people,” which is kind of a nice thought, until you add “in bed,” and then it gets really nice! I am now taking applications for recipients of my bedly nurturing instincts. I'm looking for many people, so don't be shy!

Ian decided we should set up a dirty website that advertises “nurturing instincts in bed, including many people.” It’ll be a con, where you have to pay to access the website, and then all you’ll get are pictures of people hugging each other in a bed with big dopey grins on their faces. That’ll teach you to get your mind out of the gutter! Mwahahahaha!

Ah, the joy of fortune cookies. God bless the Chinese!

No More Walking

My step-mom once bought a(n?) hideous, old, purple dresser with black drawers at a garage sale. In one spot, she sanded it down to see what color the wood was underneath. She had to go through four layers of paint before she got to the wood, and now the dresser reminds me of an Everlasting Gobstopper.

Well, it snowed and rained on Sunday and Monday, and then the temperature dropped well below freezing, so now the world is a giant ice cube. Work was closed and I got to stay home, but I got lonely, so I decided to hang out with my friend Ian who lives close to here. Or at least, I thought he lived close to here. The roads are icy and we didn't want to drive, so we walked, meeting each other halfway. Then we walked to find food. At this point, I was feeling pretty good, happy about walking and happy about food, so when Ian mentioned he needed to go to the bank downtown, I offered to go with him. It turns out, things are a lot farther away when you're walking to them, as opposed to driving. They're even farther when you're walking over uneven ice, as opposed to flat sidewalk. You have to be really careful where and how you put your foot down, and over time, this works muscles in your upper thigh that haven't been worked in, well...ever. When I got home, I felt like a popsicle; my limbs were so stiff, they wouldn't bend. I wore my rain boots, the sixty dollar ones that leak, and now I have bruises halfway up either calf where the top of the boots rubbed against my jeans. My thighs looked sunburned when I got home, which was fine until they started to feel sunburned, too.

On the bright side, my lovely $240 coat kept me warm. Well, I guess it could have been the fact that I was wearing a tank top, a t-shirt, a button-down Oxford, and my thickest sweatshirt underneath the $240 coat.

I can't walk except with baby steps, and even that's a struggle. The stairs are my nemesis. Where's my burly man-servant when I need him? "Charles, carry me upstairs to dinner!"

Sucking the Marrow Out of Life

I've been totally uninspired to blog lately. Which isn't to say I haven't been busy. In fact, my busy-ness is probably the problem: when my life is interesting, I have no need to blog in order to convince myself that it's interesting.

There has been lots of shopping lately and hanging out with friends (mostly Jacque). I've seen two movies: Marie Antoinette and the new Bond. I liked them both, though Marie Antoinette didn't have any point. I guess I'm alright with a movie having no point, as long as it's a pretty movie. I like the new Bond, he's hotter than Pierce Brosnan, but I didn't like that it was more gratuitously violent (or was I just imagining that?) Basically, the highlight of the last month was last Monday, when I spilled a dangerous chemical on my week-old jeans and they had to be disposed of as hazardous material. Man, I love being a scientist! Everyone keeps asking me if I was wearing a lab coat. First of all, a lab coat would not have protected my jeans, and second of all, scientists don't actually wear lab coats. I guess if you're a klutzy scientist like me, it's not a bad idea. Alas, the jeans have been replaced, and all is right with the world again.

I'm happy to announce that my orphan-shoe adoption program is doing well, and I recently welcomed these darlings into my home:

I've wanted those Adidas sneakers since I was in high school. I realize they might make me look like a child, or a pre-teen at least, but I don't care. They're pink!

Green Guts, I Tell You!

Me pops just got himself a new power drill and he started using it immediately. He's so proud of it; he had me hold it, and it's, like, 20 pounds. You can almost smell the testosterone.

I apologize. This is an extremely boring post with extremely boring photos, with the exception of the bright green pumpkin innards.

October 29 carvings:

It's like snow, and oh, how I do love snow!



Sharpen your knives, folks. The white one is mine. Cool, huh? I've never carved a white pumpkin before.



It's innards were bright green! Coolest thing ever! I'm totally carving white pumpkins every year.



The whole ghoulish gang: (mine's a vampire!)


Lights out:

Daylight Savings Rocks My World

This one’s gonna be a doozy, ‘cuz I have lots of photos to post.

This morning on my way to work, I saw a Budweiser truck that said “Responsibility Matters.” What kind of lame motto is that? Does that even mean anything? Responsibility matters? They direct you to a website if you want more information (like, perhaps an explanation for their useless motto): www.beeresponsible.com. Haha! Get it? Beer responsible! Hahaha!

Sunday was daylight savings, which I totally profited from, like, three times over! I so rock! Either that or I’m really dumb. I took advantage of the extra hour of sleep on Sunday morning, and then some, because I skipped church. Then on Sunday night, I went to bed at 9:30, and woke up when my alarm clock went off at 6:30 the next morning. I got out of bed really quickly, within five minutes of my alarm going off. It usually takes 10-20 minutes for me to drag myself out of bed and turn my alarm off. I put my contacts in, brushed my teeth, and wandered upstairs. My step-mom was brushing her teeth, which struck me as odd because she and my dad always leave the house before I wake up. She looked at me with concern and asked, “Did we wake you up?” “No,” I replied. “This is when I normally wake up.” It was in the middle of that sentence that I realized I had never set my clocks back. It was really only 5:30, and I had another hour before I had to wake up. Then I realized that I hadn’t really gone to bed at 9:30 the night before; I had gone to bed at 8:30. The great thing about idiopathic hypersomnia is that I had no problem falling asleep again, despite the fact that I had already slept for 9 hours.

Okay, to start off, photos of loved ones doing odd things:

John showing off his awesome chest hair



Jody


Shopping for a Halloween costume,
Emily discovers the most
awesome pants ever created



I could be a Who for Halloween

I carved pumpkins up the yin yang this past week, with squashy slaughterings on Saturday, Sunday, and Tuesday. It sucked my creativity dry! (I don't have much to begin with.)

Okay, photo loading is taking far too long, and I am a lazy little thing, so pumpkin murders will be posted tomorrow. I wish I could say it'll be worth the wait, but even I'm not convinced. We'll see.

Driving to Work on 405 North

The Batesville Casket Supply truck pleads "Please drive safely!" Call me cynical, but wouldn't that mean less business for the nice folks over in Batesville?

I got my Macy's credit card today: $240.45 for my beautiful, adorable, wonderful wool coat. *Sigh* Life is good. Now I just have to pay it off right away so I don't end up paying finance charges and interest that drive the cost right back up to the original price.

(I'm so excited to type this!) Jacque and I might be moving in together one of these days! Yippee! We already spend every waking minute together (and many of the minutes when I should be sleeping), so that should make it even easier to do so. It won't be until December at the earliest, and January at the likeliest, but I'm super excited.

Heehee. "Super excited" reminds me of when my sisters and I were kids and we would say "Super Excitement Finger Twinkle!" in Eek the Cat's voice. (Was that an Eek saying, or did we make that up?) Oh man, we were easily entertained. Still are!

I made Jacque throw a housewarming party for herself on Monday, and it was a huge success. I bought frozen appetizers, but we didn't have enough oven space for them (Jacque only has one oven, poor thing), so we had Goldfish crackers as appetizer instead. Note to self: Grape flavored Smirnoff tastes like cough medicine. At any rate, I think our one guest enjoyed himself very much. Yes, we are in high demand. I can't wait until we move in together. Then we can have house parties with one guest all the time! Heck, we might even be able to entice two people to come over! I don't know, maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself with that one.

Okay, it's definately my bedtime, and my overactive guilt complex is starting to kick in. Goodnight, luvs!

Nerd Humor

Where did these people go to school? Or perhaps they didn't...

Don't I Deserve to See a Bloody Nose?

This weekend was fun-filled and tiring. I went to a hockey game with my mom and Jody on Friday night. There were roughly 300 spectators. You can tell we love our hockey here in Seattle. I’ve never been to a hockey game before, and probably will never go to another one! There was only one fight, and I swear it was staged. I’m willing to bet the coach was like, “The fans are getting antsy. Make sure you pick a fight with someone before the period’s over.” And speaking of periods, did you know there are only three periods in a hockey game? What’s up with that? What an odd number. Two or four, people. Two or four. Or nine works, too. Anyway, the fight was seriously lame, and they were just kind of hugging each other and swatting the air around each other’s heads.

I STILL CAN’T STOMACH BEER

I went bowling on Friday and Saturday night, and was very pleased with myself. After a month or so of bowling at least once a week, I’m finally improving! On Friday, I bowled four games in a row with a score above 100! Weak, I know, but way better than my prior average of 70. Saturday wasn’t as good ‘cuz I was really tired after all that traveling. I didn’t realize it took two and a half hours to get to Leavenworth. Maybe it just felt like a long ride because I was one of three people crammed in the back of a two-door coup. At least I wasn’t driving! I didn’t drink any beer at Oktoberfest, except for a couple sips of Becky’s and John’s. It turns out I was right all along: beer really is disgusting. I wasn’t imagining it. In addition to not drinking, I also didn’t dance. Well, ok, I danced once. They forced me to do the chicken dance, which I was seriously unhappy about. But I did eat two (count them: two!) bratwurst, so I feel I still got the Oktoberfestive experience. Photos: my msn space (not all of them are mine).

On Sunday, I met Jacque in Issaquah for the Salmon Days festival. Man, those salmon get big! There's a salmon ladder with windows on the side so you can watch these suckers jumping upstream. Those fish are hardcore! As Jacque said, if you're ever feeling discouraged about your life, go watch a bunch of salmon jump repeatedly against a wall. I don't know if it'll make you feel better or feel worse, but it'll make you feel something, that's for sure.

SCRUB-A-DUB-DUB

Wouldn’t mind Zach Braff in my tub.

Le sigh. John has informed me that NBC hasn’t yet announced when Scrubs will premier. Apparently, those two episodes I saw a month ago were...something else. I don’t know what season those came from. Now I’m sad…I’ll have to watch my DVDs of seasons 1 and 2 to get my fix.

Fall Has Fallen

With Seattle’s mild, wet, and inconsistent weather patterns, autumn sometimes creeps in so slowly, you don’t even really get to see the leaves change and fall. Well, that hasn’t happened this year. Despite sunshine and temperatures in the high 70’s, fall has most definitely arrived, and for once, I’m kind of enjoying it. On Saturday, I’ll be heading to Oktoberfest in Leavenworth, a little Bavarian village up in the mountains where the leafy color change is always particularly breathtaking. Also, there will be German sausage. I can’t wait!

I LOATHE “INSIDE EDITION”

My step-mom turns on the TV as background noise when she gets home from work. The news is on for a couple hours, which is kinda nice because I never take the initiative to either watch or read the news, so I’m generally clueless about what’s going on in our world. It’s usually boring, useless information anyway, or melodramatic retellings of stories we heard yesterday, but this isn’t a discussion about the relevance of the evening news. It’s a discussion about the relevance of “Inside Edition.” (Hint: there isn’t any.) “Inside Edition” comes on after the news, and after “Evening Magazine” (gag me with a spork), and has to be the worst show on television, with the possible exception of “Access Hollywood,” which in my understanding, is basically the same show. These people are leaches. The thing is, I love gossip, even some celebrity gossip. I mean, I’m as keen as anyone to see Lindsey Lohan or Paris Hilton sock someone in the nose, or to know who Mischa Barton is BFF with this week. But “Inside Edition” doesn’t cover interesting celebrities. They specialize in pseudo-celebrity gossip, Anna Nicole Smith and David Hasselhoff. I mean, seriously, David Hasselhoff? Are you kidding me? If I had David Hasselhoff’s career, I’d probably show up to a premier drunk, too, and expect absolutely no one to be surprised!

Okay, sorry. I just really hate that show. I have never before enjoyed watching “Jeopardy,” but when “Inside Edition” comes on and my dad smiles conspiratorially, asking “Jeopardy?” it might as well be the greatest show on earth. I’ve always found Alex Trebek’s voice kind of self-righteous and snobby, but now I find it downright soothing.

I watched the new show “Ugly Betty” again. I watched the first episode and hated it, so I wasn’t really planning on watching it again, but my dad didn’t want to watch “My Name Is Earl” (if there's one thing I didn't inherit from my father, it's my sense of humor). I had every intention of switching over to “The Office” at the half-hour mark, but I completely forgot and now I’m kicking myself! Argh! That makes two weeks in a row! And I haven’t seen “Scrubs” in weeks. I don’t even know if it’s still on, and if not, why on earth not? I’m clearly having issues with television lately. I might as well have stayed in France! At least there I saw an occasional episode of “Scrubs.” Luckily, I have “Arrested Development” on DVD to sustain me. Thanks Sara! I’ll be done with them…eventually. I’m nearing the end of season two, so anytime now.

Le sigh. Since TV has let me down, I will now turn to the internet to fill the emptiness in my life. Which reminds me of a poem:

"Long ago, the delicate tangles of his hair...covered the emptiness of my hand." Ah, classic stuff, that. Poetry doesn't get much better.

I Think You Mean "Footloose and Fancy-Free"

This weekend, I hung out with my friend, Emilie, and her friend. Emilie has Asperger's syndrome, which is a disorder on the autistic spectrum (it's basically high-functioning autism). We got on the subject of crushes and boyfriends, and Emilie was chastising her friend and me for not having boyfriends. We, of course, defended ourselves (and womankind) by pointing out that a woman doesn't need to have a man in order to live a happy and fulfilling life, and in fact, life can be much easier when you don't have a boyfriend to stress about. You have more freedom, at least in your schedule. She thought about it, then replied, "Well, yeah, I guess you can be fruitless and happy-free."